The funeral and why I chose not to attend
Sadly we lost this amazing man not long after my visit.
The funeral was planned quite quickly and according to my mother was very well done by my cousin Beverly.
My sincerest of thanks Bev!
I toiled over the decision whether or not to attend as I had a lot of overlapping commitments monopolizing my time.
To be fair I’m not sure I would have attended even if this were not the case.
Ultimately I think the reason I passed was uncertainty whether my attendance would be a service or disservice to this mans memory?
Family will always tell you that’s not the case but they don’t know, nobody does until it happens and then it’s too late.
See, I dropped my pants at my grandfathers funeral (my Dads dad). I attended only out of respect for my father and I was a complete nightmare.
I had no love for my grandfather, got completely wasted and actually acted like a cheerleader that he’d passed.
My ill feelings toward my grandfather do not condone my actions with no excuse existing to explain my behavior.
I am haunted by this to this day.
The one man I so desperately want to forget yet I cannot allow myself. I believe in doing so my soul is put at risk.
This abhorrent memory when accompanied by my lack of emotional solidity over my Uncle’s passing could make my presence…
…I don’t know the word but I feel it negative.
I opted not to risk it.
I felt, and still feel, time spent with Peter over the years was the full story of which I’ve lightly touched on here.
The story ended in Peter’s passing and I don’t want to add chapters nobody wants to read. I sure don’t want to read them so forget writing them.
Probably the worlds worst analogy but there it is.
I’ve not seen the family in years, my emotions are unstable and I don’t want to risk tainting the memories I hold dear.
I’ve had my time with Peter over the years and oddly I feel at peace. There are no gaps, things I wish I could have said and no reason to carry on beyond where I currently find myself.
Peter was a book, one of the best books I’ve ever read and I reminisce in thoughts of the story told.
There is no more to tell beyond that nor should there be.
All my Love Uncle!
I miss you and will always remember.
Yours most respectfully,