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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Things have. Not saying its been easy, and at least I still have feelings of resentment from time to time. There are definitely still times when I think it would have been easier to just end the...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    For the record,

    That was great advice Vautrin!

    Sometime soon maybe I'll jump on here and give another update.

    I want to say thanks again to everyone who helped me out on this thread, I feel...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    So, I thought I would come back, and post a "the 6 months after reconciliation" post.

    Obviously this message board gets a lot of separation to divorce, or separation to reconciliation posts. I...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Sorry for the silence guys - things are still going well. We talked about a lot - and since then have been enjoying each other's company, even during the mundane moments, and I'm glad I listened to...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Thanks Luba and Vautrin for your support as always :)

    Hey Skyler, yes we have one son.

    For awhile I was the only one putting effort into it. Twice I implemented a "no contact" rule (although...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Well I made it as clear as I could that I want to understand what happened to help us, not hurt her or me, and the questions went pretty well. For instance I asked her... "You were feeling like by...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Thanks guys.. Yup you're right, I have to talk to her about some things.

    Before all of this I would have talked to her about anything. I don't want my questions to come off the wrong way, I...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    So she's asked to reconcile, and wants me to move back in with her.

    I've said yes I want to reconcile and move in.. I'm not sure how quickly to take this now. I'm also struggling with how much I...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I guess I'm not quite sure what I'm asking either. I guess I kind of feel like I want her to miss me (which she obviously does) but it confuses me that she wants to spend a lot of time together yet...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    So, need some advice.

    Since I got back from Chicago things have been pretty good. She's expressed a lot of genuine love and put effort into seeing me and expressed her feelings pretty well.
    ...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I really appreciate your guys positive moral support!

    We had our talk last night. It was actually really good as far as openness, and honesty. She's identified a few issues she has that she needs...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Hey guys,

    On Wednesday night I got a call from my wife, she was crying and devestated because she missed me and because she was worried I would sleep with someone out of revenge.

    I did...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Thanks guys :) We talked on the phone and she has reached back a bit, but I'm not getting my hopes up until I see some real effort.. Chicago has been amazing their night life is craaaazy.. glad i...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Hi Snooks!!

    Thanks .. appreciate it :) I really plan to stick around and be a part of the family.. of course life takes us a lot of places but I just think this place is awesome.

    Well we were...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Hey Luba,

    I had my son last night and my wife and I spent some time together after he went to bed. It was pretty good. I'm kind of getting used to this as my life while I'm in this "transition...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Just checking in.. I finished the move yesterday. Living with my brother today. Obviously a tough day.

    Unfortunately with all the emotions flying around with the move and I made a bit of a...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Thanks Vautrin,

    The hope has crept in there a tiny bit but I'm keeping it subdued ;)

    I plan to let her initiate anything that happens, see where she goes with all of this this week.. then it's...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Well this week has been interesting.

    On Monday she came to our old house to pack.

    On Tuesday I drove her home.

    Wednesday I took a load to her house and stayed for a little bit, ended up...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    You know I've asked myself that the last week or so. Really it's not much different.

    She's still a stay at home Mom.
    She goes out with the same people, to the same places, for the most part.
    She...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I think the timing of this trip will be good. I've really made a concentrated effort to stay away from her and not even talk to her unless about our son or she reaches out to me for the last week and...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I've tried to be as emotionally steady as possible, and open and available to her when she wants it, but not reach back (there have been a few moments of weakness).

    I wanted her to start...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    That whole conversation came up because she was on my Facebook and saw the conversation someone started with me where I found out she had been with another guy.

    She called me and said she felt...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I explained why, she was basically saying every 10 minutes her head was in a different place, so I told her she shouldn't force herself to make a decision if she's not ready. Especially if that...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Her motives are really hard for me to get at right now.. being realistic, this whole thing may have started because of confusion and us moving and her not being a stay at home type of personality. I...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Well, she really likes to confuse me. ;)

    When we separated the first time for about 12 hours we discussed the fact that living away from her friends and family was causing issues with her. We rent...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Thanks guys for the support yesterday. It was definitely an SOS kind of day.

    Yesterday was absolutely horrendous. I did a lot of things to keep my mind off it.. I finished work and headed to a...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Thanks Vautrin.

    I'm struggling with this so hard today.

    Basically I'm feeling like she's using my patience as a chance to go and live the single life for a few months, then maybe come back as...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    So my wife admitted she slept with someone else during our separation.

    Well really she was forced to because her house-mates ex-boyfriend told me.

    I think I can forgive it. I have actually...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Really.. thank you guys :) I know there's nothing I can do about how she feels right now but hearing that other people outside the situation think I'm handling it well really helps.

    Obviously my...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Thanks guys, I'm gonna leave her alone.

    I felt like it was borderline verbal abuse and I know I don't deserve that. I made sure she knows I'm here for her, but we both agreed the amount we were...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I really appreciate the love and support you guys have shown me, a total stranger.

    The little guy is #1 now and always :) It's tough because he lives an hour away now but my living situation is...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    After the accusations and such today I suggested we really truly separate for a few weeks. She seems to be blaming me for things, and having a short fuse with every little thing I do. We deleted...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Thanks Vautrin, that was some needed wisdom :)

    I'm being accused of "creeping" her and hacking her friends hotmail and sending the above e-mail right now. Not sure what's going on. I don't even...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Alright so I'm getting a little paranoid!

    This morning my Hotmail wasn't working from work, and a friend had sent me a site I needed to pick up for a meeting at 9:30 AM. My wife has a friend named...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Her best friend is totally for "us", obviously putting my wife first. But my wife doesn't seem willing to talk to said best friend about the possibility of "us" working. Which confuses me. Hence the...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Any tips on how to find a good counsellor/therapist? I'm pretty sure she hasn't expressed all of her feelings to any one person.. As devastating as it is there are probably some feelings she has...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    So I dropped my son off after the weekend tonight. My wife asked me to stay after I was done.

    After a few moments of awkwardness on the couch she wrapped her arms around me and we started kissing....
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I really really appreciate the comments from all three of you. It's been a difficult couple of months and I've felt my heart break in ways I didn't think were possible, and for reasons that no one...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    What do you guys feel about the "dating"? I have a feeling she will want to start it again soon.

    Last time, she was not willing to commit to anything other then going on a couple of dates a week....
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I agree with you TKDLady.

    I haven't set myself a deadline yet. I do need to, I've been putting it off ;)

    I haven't quite figured out what I'm willing to go through yet, I still feel like I'd go...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Thanks Vautrin,

    I think individual counselling is a good idea, perhaps after some time we would be able to move it to couples/marriage counselling. I will definitely suggest it to her.

    She is...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I definitely agree with you - Limbo is no way to live. But I also strongly feel with some time, understanding and patience she'll realize she wants to stay. Actually I'm almost certain of it, and...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Thanks TKDLady

    I appreciate the insight. I have done a lot of research on my own and talked to a lawyer. I hope everything works out but I also realize it might not, so I've been realistic. She...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    And to better answer your question Vautrin, yes my Wife does find it hard to be alone. One of the comments she ended up making was "She feels homesick no matter where she is".

    One thing I...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Thanks Vautrin!

    Nice to meet you as well. I really appreciate your time and insight.

    Yes my Wife is definitely the type that goes stir crazy. We can definitely spend nights in with just the two...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I'm wondering how people deal with that loneliness and desperation, that feeling of not being wanted?
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    Desperate separation..

    Hey all,

    I've been reading some of the life supporters for a couple of weeks as I go through the beginning of a separation. I just love this forum now, I think it's a great idea and an excellent...
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