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Type: Posts; User: Vautrin

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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Hope things have worked out well for you Andyd.
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    This worries me a lot.

    I would strongly suggest you take up a few session of individual counseling and see if you are getting anything out of it. The resentment you currently experience for her...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I am glad to hear that you and your wife are in a good position now. It surely is a good sign if you can enjoy the mundane moments. :)
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Glad to hear that things are looking up now Andy :).
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    As long as you make it clear it is to understand better what happened, and not to hurt yourself or her, it should make her a lot more comfortable to talk. I would also not push her for answers. If...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Have to agree with Luba and TKDLady. If I would see this as a first post, I would be inclined to consider something like a mood disorder. Sometimes they are not limited to just one episode, and you...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    That is somewhat worrying Andy. Because you can't be sure if you are what she wants, or if you are "just" temporarily filling a void in her life. You must not forget, that she does know herself...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I am not sure what you are asking.

    What also might be an idea is to say "No" on occasion. Not saying you should be rude about it, but you should be a bit wary of her depending too much on you and...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Life is also about coming to accept that you can't do everything in it. That is the lesson your wife needs to learn, on her own terms. This does not only apply to checking out other "options", in...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Sounds like a healthy approach to a confusing situation Andy. Hopefully soon the pieces start falling in their place.
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Does not sound like my kind of place then. Nightlife is really not something that agrees with me.

    Just try to enjoy your time in Chicago Andy.
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Nice email. I would not worry too much about her mixing the dates up. The most important thing is that you said what you wanted to say, and hopefully the two of you are using your time apart well.
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Probably. It is easy to assume the worst when we don't hear what we want to hear. Back off for a bit, spend some time on yourself. Since you are now living with your brother, I hope you can distract...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    You are only human Andy. You can't be perfect all the time, especially in a confusing situation as you find yourself in. The emotional openness seems to be positive.

    Even though it seems to be...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    This may well play a role in the situation. It should be noted, that no matter what decision we make, we are by no means guaranteed to be happy with the consequences for the rest of our lives. She...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    That is clear then. But nonetheless it is something to be continuously aware of that your behaviors too can add to her confusion. From what you have been posting it seems you have done a more than...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    You know what you intended to do here. But does she? This may also explain some of her more confusing behavior, since she may not be entirely certain what to make of you either.
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Her motives are key. If she does not find some clarity soon, then you'll be reduced to be at the mercy of her whims - and that will be untenable in the long term. Then showing up at the airport would...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Hey Andy,

    How are things?
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    That is a good way of handling the situation. You going of a handle in front of her would only have added to both your confusion.

    Keep it up, and keep yourself distracted.
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    It is hard to tell why it happened. She may feel she missed out on something, who knows. It may have been an "honest" mistake as well (I don't know a thing about the circumstances, it is not my place...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    I am sorry to hear that Andy. Don't think too much about it. The more you think about it, the harder it becomes, especially as more and more information seeps through.

    Just see where things are...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Spend the time well, and do not over-analyze. That is all you can do. And make certain that your child is a priority in your life.
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Don't assume anything. Thinking about things you cannot know, will only wear you down. There are too many, some unlikely, explanations to really be certain of what is happening. Something may be...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Is this the friend that betrayed her trust? If so then, that makes perfect sense, as she will be afraid the her best friend may spill the beans a second time.

    You should also bear in mind that...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Usually the best ones are the names that pop up by means of word of mouth. Let her ask around. If that does not work, she can always resort to listings, make a few calls, and weed out the ones she...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    What will be important that she finds a good counselor whom she trusts and feels comfortable with.

    It seems that a few promising steps were made, but perceptions can be deceptive. Don't get your...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    You will be part of each other's life for the next 15-20 years, regardless of whether things or not work out.

    Dating may not be a bad thing for her, and a good thing for you as well. Not because...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    It may seem strange, but doing things like fishing, hiking, or whatever hobbies and interests you have will be the best for you. Probably physically more demanding pursuits may be better for you. You...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Counseling seems like a good idea for her, on her own. It is quite likely that she does not even know why she is unhappy, why she is confused, and a bit of guidance can definitely clarify things for...
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    Re: Desperate separation..

    Hi Andyd, welcome to the forums. Wish it were under happier circumstances.

    It is hard to say what is going on in your wife's mind. The move probably created a sort of social isolation for your...
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