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Thread: The drive by...

  1. #1
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    The drive by...

    Just caught the x doing a drive by. Stepped out the front door into the dark to take out the garbage and thought...hmmmm... I know that rig going by....she stepped on the gas and then sat at the stop sign while another car was there first. Then drove off. Really?

    Please....just go away! I'm fine. Very fine thank you.

    I'm so much cooler online...

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  2. #2
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    Re: The drive by...

    Pretty sad but funny at the same time.

    Do you think she's having a hard time given the fact she's lost any measure of control she may have had over your life?
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    Re: The drive by...

    That's whacky!
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

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    Re: The drive by...

    Quote Originally Posted by Duke View Post
    Pretty sad but funny at the same time.

    Do you think she's having a hard time given the fact she's lost any measure of control she may have had over your life?
    Naw...she's just feeling sorry for herself. Her Mom lives 8 or 9 blocks away but you have to drive here since I'm on a dead end street. Probably not the first time she has been by. I thought maybe she would stop once she saw me, but I guess maybe she didn't think I saw her. whatever. I would have given her an ear full!

    I so love the drama...which is why I had to share.....
    I'm so much cooler online...

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    Re: The drive by...

    I wasn't going to say anything but come on people, are you serious. None of you have done the same thing. I did when I was first seperated. It doesn't mean a thing. It's just curiousity. WDH are you saying you have never driven by her place? Duke and TKD are you saying the same thing? Have none of you ever been in the neighborhood from where you grew up and drove by your old house to see how it has changed. You say her mom lives only a few blocks away so of course she has probably drove by on occasion. WOW sometimes you guys amaze me how you always take it to the low road. I know I'll get flamed on this but lets be honest and real. If it makes you feel better to always diss your ex's then so be it, i just find it better to always take the high road. WDH it's no wonder she didn't stop just to say hello if that's the response she knew she would get. Flame away!

  6. #6
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    Re: The drive by...

    Sorry to disappoint you here HE but flame wars are not permitted around here regardless of reason. If that's what your looking for around here then you will remain disappointed because we not only don't allow it, we aggressively ban for it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lifesupporters FAQ
    - Member Bashing/Arguing and Debate: Members are freely allowed to relate to their fellow members as they see fit. When one member has a problem with the way their being addressed is where the problems lie. Should a concern be raised, we ask that the member creating the issue kindly refrain from the activity. I firmly believe the members here are the lifeblood of our community so I will not tolerate members making members uncomfortable. I take member bashing extremely seriously and should you be deemed a Sh1t Disturber, you're gone. This is one of the precious few examples of where you waive your rights as a member of this site. In other words, treat people as you would like to be treated. If your kind then they will be kind, if your mean then your banned.
    As for always taking the low road, well that's your opinion and your welcomed to it but I simply disagree.

    On a more personal level, I did walk by an ex-girlfriends house back when I was young and inexperienced in relationships. I was hurting, pathetic and confused and that's what lead me to her house, not curiosity. It is this experience I base my response from and you have no right to attack it or me for it, sorry. It's fine for you to disagree but it is not fine to insult others for sharing their point of view regardless of how you may feel about it.

    While your experiences may differ from others HE, nobody is wrong for speaking their mind or sharing whatever it is that's important to them.
    Last edited by Duke; 11-28-2010 at 04:09 PM.
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    Re: The drive by...

    I'm not looking for an argument Duke. What am actually looking for is support and I don't see how always dissing an ex is supportive. I find it much better to just share your experinces without always haing to knock the ex. I don't do it cause I don't feel like I need to. Maybe some do. Maybe this forum is not for me, I think you have a great thing going if it wasn't for the hyprocricy. Now I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I just find it more helpful (in my case) to take the high road and not disrespect someone I loved at one time. I think it's more mature. Probably my last post since it looks like I'm going to be banned for making a statement and sharing my belief. I hope not but I understand if people on here are a little sensitive. Honest feeling and communication is what gets me through. Sorry of I offended, but hope it also gets some people to look in the mirror a little more often. Not all can have a Happy Ending.

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    Re: The drive by...

    You will not be banned for stating your opinion HE so my apologies for making it appear that way.

    What is difficult about a place like this is there are a wide range of emotions deeply ingrained in many of the sensitive issues being discussed. It is these emotions we need to be cognizant of and that sometimes will result in biting our own tongues or perhaps moving onto the next topic.

    Everyone whether they want to admit it or not has suffered negative or perhaps irrational points of view based off strong negative emotions. What we try to do is validate emotions and help each other move past them to a more positive place.

    I don't believe this can be done by hitting anyone in the face with a cold dead fish, only support and understanding work.

    Anyway, again you will not be banned for stating your opinion so long as it isn't something that doesn't incite flame wars or insult others for feeling the way they do.

    As an example I'll turn again to personal experience. My ex (the mother of my daughter) puts me down continually and has done so for years both to me directly, in front of our daughter and indirectly through my daughter.

    Now I could take the high road and turn a blind eye but how does that serve the range of emotions that I feel as a natural reaction to her long-term belittling?

    The only weapons at my disposal are to sink to her level or to find other ways to deal with these emotions. I choose to take the high road in my personal life and deal with these emotions here by venting.

    Does this make me a good person or a bad person? The answer I believe is neither, I'm merely trying to take a difficult situation that I have no control over and deal with it to the best of my abilities.
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    Re: The drive by...

    HappyEnding,

    No worries on my end. No offense taken. I have pretty thick skin.

    To answer your question, I suppose I have driven by her place... ...only because her apartment happens to be on a major highway between here and the big city. No other way to go really. But I don't even look...honestly...I don't. I have been to her place twice early on. I'm not curious at all and really...I don't care. And based on the last couple of weeks, I would have given her an ear full because she ought to know what I think of her BS. Sorry, but if she thinks she can have it both ways, she is mistaken. If that is the low road...so be it.

    But alas, I haven't said a word to her. I'm moving on and so should she. I only wish there had been a 20 cars parked around the house, loud music, and topless chicks all over the place. Instead I was taking out the trash in my sweats.

    Besides...I'm sure I'm being trashed in what used to be my circle of "friends". Word gets around and I just laugh and continue on with my life.
    I'm so much cooler online...

    There is no kill switch for awesome.

  10. #10
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    Re: The drive by...

    You know maybe I did come across a little strong. That wasn't my intent. The point I was trying to make, it seems like we (myself included), respond on the forum feeding the negativity towards the other persons ex. I've caught myself doing that and changed my wording before hitting "submit". I'm no longer in love with my ex but I still love her as a person and wish her all the best and wouldn't approve of others dissing her. I know marriage is a two way street and no matter what the final reason for the failure, there is fault on both sides. After reading Duke's response I see his point. People need to vent and handle situations in different ways. I guess that's just not my way but that doesn't mean it isn't others. I stand corrected, BUT I think it did make us all stand back and take a breath and think about the reasons we are here and what type of support each of us need to get through painful times and not lose respect for everyone in our lives who makes us what we are.

  11. #11
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    Re: The drive by...

    Quote Originally Posted by HappyEnding View Post
    You know maybe I did come across a little strong. That wasn't my intent. The point I was trying to make, it seems like we (myself included), respond on the forum feeding the negativity towards the other persons ex. I've caught myself doing that and changed my wording before hitting "submit". I'm no longer in love with my ex but I still love her as a person and wish her all the best and wouldn't approve of others dissing her. I know marriage is a two way street and no matter what the final reason for the failure, there is fault on both sides. After reading Duke's response I see his point. People need to vent and handle situations in different ways. I guess that's just not my way but that doesn't mean it isn't others. I stand corrected, BUT I think it did make us all stand back and take a breath and think about the reasons we are here and what type of support each of us need to get through painful times and not lose respect for everyone in our lives who makes us what we are.
    I think you raise a number of good points here HE so thank you very much for posting them.

    I do understand and agree that it is quite often we feed negative emotions but sometimes it helps some people move past their pain. Irrelevant as it is sometimes, it's really hard to mix logic and emotion as emotion always wins even if one knows they shouldn't feel or think a certain way.

    At the end of the day all we can do is listen, understand and try to validate peoples feelings. I truly believe that this helps bring acceptance and acceptance is one of the first and most crucial steps in a persons healing.

    Anyway, great post HE!
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    Re: The drive by...

    Quote Originally Posted by waydownhere View Post
    Just caught the x doing a drive by. Stepped out the front door into the dark to take out the garbage and thought...hmmmm... I know that rig going by....she stepped on the gas and then sat at the stop sign while another car was there first. Then drove off. Really?

    Please....just go away! I'm fine. Very fine thank you.


    Your post made me chuckle. I certainly hope this does not become a habit though. Good for you for your attitude about it!
    If you fall- fall on your back. If you can look up- you can get up- Les Brown

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    Re: The drive by...

    HappyEnding - Point taken and you're right. It takes two to make things work and I admit I own half the blame. I've accepted that. I have tried not to rip on her but it's tough when I hear things being said about me that are out right lies. Whatever. She has accepted nothing and our last conversation was how it was all my fault. Fine. I have lost all respect for her. I'm not in love with her and I don't love her as a person. I really don't like her at all anymore. It's sad because this is not the way I went into to this but it's the way it's turned out.

    One thing to also keep in mind is it's tough to spill everything on a forum like this. There are lots of little things that happen that isnt said here and I'm sure that this is true for everyone who posts here. I have feelings on this whole thing that I have not even hinted at on this forum only because those things are for me to sort out on my own.

    MissMay - I'll do better job of being more positive. I guess the drive by struck me as odd because it isn't something I have even thought about. I truely want to get on with my life and leave the past where it belongs. I'm happier now than I have been in a long time. Home is really a "home" again...not a place of h3ll and dread like the last couple of years.
    I'm so much cooler online...

    There is no kill switch for awesome.

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    Re: The drive by...

    I hope I handle things as well as you if it comes to that for me someday wdh. I am so glad you found us.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

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    Re: The drive by...

    Drive-bys can also be innocent in that it may not be about seeing or checking on you per se but just to see something that may bring back a much needed good memory such as the dog playing in the yard, seeing a favorite flower in bloom etc. Maybe that is therapy for getting through the loss of a long time relationship for some.

    Without knowing what is driving the person to drive-by for sure, one can only speculate and we often assume the worst. Granted there are some "whacky" folks out there but not everyone who is known as the "X" is that way.

    Duke-I appreciate your above comments and it shows you are caring and very wise.

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    Re: The drive by...

    Quote Originally Posted by stillafloat View Post
    Duke-I appreciate your above comments and it shows you are caring and very wise.
    lol thanks my friend, much appreciated!

    As you spend more time here you will come to realize your are 50% right, yes I care very much about all of you but wise, hmmmn, Meanon here's your chance to argue the point
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    Re: The drive by...

    Quote Originally Posted by Duke View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by stillafloat View Post
    Duke-I appreciate your above comments and it shows you are caring and very wise.
    lol thanks my friend, much appreciated!

    As you spend more time here you will come to realize your are 50% right, yes I care very much about all of you but wise, hmmmn, Meanon here's your chance to argue the point

    I wish she were on to make a comment!!!
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

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    Re: The drive by...

    Quote Originally Posted by Duke View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by stillafloat View Post
    Duke-I appreciate your above comments and it shows you are caring and very wise.
    lol thanks my friend, much appreciated!

    As you spend more time here you will come to realize your are 50% right, yes I care very much about all of you but wise, hmmmn, Meanon here's your chance to argue the point
    Well from what I have taken away from your responses on many of the topics I have read so far, I would say that you have a large following so do give yourself more credit or just a fond pat on the back for now.

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    Re: The drive by...

    Thanks saf, I'll take it and run
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    Re: The drive by...

    you should have my husband, he never asked were i was moving. of course i could'nt get him to talk about any problems.

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    Re: The drive by...

    I'm very sorry to hear that julie.

    If you are looking for someone to listen, we are certainly here for you!
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  22. #22
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    Re: The drive by...

    Welcome to Lifesupporters Julie. You will find some caring people here.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

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