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  1. #1
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    Apr 2009
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    My husband had an affair

    I don't know how to begin with this so I am just going to blurt it out...I learned that my husband had an affair. The girl is pregnant for the 2nd time. I hate him for making me go through this again....
    " Begin with the ending in mind ~ Stephen Covey "

  2. #2
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    re: My husband had an affair

    I'm very sorry sam, your husband is clearly an idiot if you don't mind my saying.

    You don't deserve the turmoil he's put you through.
    My Daughter Rules!

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  3. #3
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    Thanks Duke... You all know what I have been through. How much I tried to get up from all the pain he has caused me. I didn't call him for a very long time, since recently our son got hospitalized. He had to go undergo operation because of his swollen appendix. That kind of brought us back together, we started calling each other again. He said that he wants another chance to fix our marriage. So for the sake of having a complete family for our 3 kids. I agreed.
    A few days after making that agreement, someone sent me a message on FB. Giving me informations about their affair. I got different kinds of information per day. Talk about mental torture !
    I tried so hard to get rid of my anger and it took me 4 years before I was really able to say " I have moved on " I don't even know how to start telling you all about what I just found out. And oh, I saw his passport. They went to Hongkong and Macau together. I was also able to talk to both of them on the phone.

    I've been here..I know what I am up for and I am really scared. I don't wanna go through all the anger and pain again.
    " Begin with the ending in mind ~ Stephen Covey "

  4. #4
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    Honestly sam I hate saying it but keeping your husband as much in the past as possible is likely in your mutual best interests. It just doesn't sound to me like he cares about anyone as much as he cares about himself and that just isn't a recipe for "Happy Family" imho.
    My Daughter Rules!

    Band of Others: Are you a Gamer looking for a home, look no more bro!

    Ofear.com: Confronting fears, phobias, and panic attacks, in a friendly online community.

    Movie Talk: Like discussing movies, tv and streaming media, well so do we.

  5. #5
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    I am so sorry to hear that Sam. I think it is time for you to end things with him. It isn't worth this pain. **Hugs**
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

  6. #6
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    I wanted so much for my kids to grow up having a complete family. It's something I didn't have. Maybe that 's why I've put up with him for so long... I feel so sorry for my kids. I just can't imagine how they would react once they find out.... They are only 10 & 9 yrs old. I am praying that they won't find out .. not until they finish school. I don't want their studies to be affected by this. And I am afraid they will feel insecure if they learn that their father has another family...
    " Begin with the ending in mind ~ Stephen Covey "

  7. #7
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    Sam if there's one thing I can communicate to you about children is they are far more resilient than most of us parents give them credit for. While it's true that it's nice to grow up in a complete family unit, it's far more important to grow up in a happy and healthy environment.

    One does not necessarily need a mom and dad within arms reach to be happy; all they need is love and support.
    My Daughter Rules!

    Band of Others: Are you a Gamer looking for a home, look no more bro!

    Ofear.com: Confronting fears, phobias, and panic attacks, in a friendly online community.

    Movie Talk: Like discussing movies, tv and streaming media, well so do we.

  8. #8
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    He's been crying and begging since I learned about it. I've been really vulgar and said a lot of mean things to him. Told him to just get out of our lives and be with her mistress ! He says he doesn't want to be with her.He said he has biological needs. I was away, he needed something I couldn't give him. I said, I understand about your needs, but to get her pregnant twice ? He said it was a mistake. He didn't love her. He is not even sure that he is the father. My mind is filled with so much information, so many things are flashing back. They started 4 years ago !
    His other woman just got married when they started their affair. He thinks he is the father of their child. All the deception, lies, and betrayal.. Four years !
    " Begin with the ending in mind ~ Stephen Covey "

  9. #9
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    Ya you're way better off without him. I'm sorry but "I have needs", c'mon, nice try at alleviating guilt and self loathing.

    Don't fall for it sam, it's complete bs.
    My Daughter Rules!

    Band of Others: Are you a Gamer looking for a home, look no more bro!

    Ofear.com: Confronting fears, phobias, and panic attacks, in a friendly online community.

    Movie Talk: Like discussing movies, tv and streaming media, well so do we.

  10. #10
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    Apr 2009
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    I weep for my children. For all the hardwork I've done. For all the sacrfices my children and I made. He was supposed to protect us. I was pregnant. I felt alone. You were all I had. I gave birth. I worked hard. I did everything to make things right for myself and my kids, and then he comes back... trying to break me again. And now I have to fight a battle that I wished to never fight again, but I have no choice. Here I am, once again. It's like he smashed my knee again and pushed me down to the floor. Now I have to start to heal again. Now I have to learn how to walk again. I can't believe this is happening to me again . I was already able to live my life without him.Why did he have to come back !!!
    " Begin with the ending in mind ~ Stephen Covey "

  11. #11
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    Sorry sam....It's time to move on. Show him the door and be strong. As Duke said, the kids will be ok, just talk to them and love them. I know I don't want to re-live those feelings again and I can't imagine how it hurts for a second time. Take care.
    I'm so much cooler online...

    There is no kill switch for awesome.

  12. #12
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    You know something funny ? ... When this all started. I had no proof that the stranger was telling the truth. So ofcourse I believed in my husband. The timing was also weird.. I mean, after just a few days of reconciling with him, came the informations. He didn't admit anything until the stranger advised me to check my husband's passport.
    He was crying on the phone. He said, I feel like I am a failure as a man. I didn't know that it will be this difficult to have a family. I tried to calm him down..told him, we've been thru this before. There were a lot of rumors about you. I am not going to let this ruin us. And then to uplift his mood , I said your birthday is coming up. I'm sending you the latest iphone as a bday gift, or do you want cash ? celeberate your birthday with the kids. And he said, I don't need a phone. I said I will send you money the day before your birthday. He said thank you!

    ooooooooooh m G !
    " Begin with the ending in mind ~ Stephen Covey "

  13. #13
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    Thank you so much for all the love and support. Please include me in your prayers, I am going to need all the strength I can get. I know what is about to come. I guess God prepared me for this. He knew I would not be able to handle the truth had I known this before. I was still so much in love with my husband. It still hurts, but at least now I know how this will go. I think this is better than a life time of deception. I am trying to get some sleep and food in my stomach. I always feel like I want to vomit.

    TKDlady, Waydownhere and Duke. Thank you for being a family and a friend. Always.
    " Begin with the ending in mind ~ Stephen Covey "

  14. #14
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    I am so sorry to hear this Sam

    You are in my thoughts
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  15. #15
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    Thanks Vautrin. I will be talking to the both of them in awhile. Time to get this done and over with.
    " Begin with the ending in mind ~ Stephen Covey "

  16. #16
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    Let us know how it goes.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  17. #17
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    Quote Originally Posted by sam View Post
    I don't know how to begin with this so I am just going to blurt it out...I learned that my husband had an affair. The girl is pregnant for the 2nd time. I hate him for making me go through this again....

    I am so sorry for the pain you must be feeling. The key word here is " again." First time shame on him, second time shame on you. Surround yourself with people that support you and find a way to move beyond him and this relationship.
    If you fall- fall on your back. If you can look up- you can get up- Les Brown

  18. #18
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    Oct 2010
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    I'm so sorry to hear about this, Sam. But as everyone has said, you just can't keep him in your life anymore. My ex husband was of the type that would mess up, then come crying back, only to go do it again. Some people really do NOT learn, and all of their tears amount to nothing in the end. His actions are unfair to you, and apologies do not heal.

    As for your kids, they will be fine. As Duke said, a happy healthy household is more important than a "complete" one. My parents divorced when I was young, and I was much happier to see them separately than together and miserable. It also helped me to appreciate each of my parents more as individuals.

    I know it's hard, but you'll make it though. And we're all here for you.

  19. #19
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    Miss May and Railyn , Thank you so much for the love and support. I really don't know what to say except that I am shocked this happened to me TWICE. I am so sorry but I will try to share more this weekend.... Life supporters...Thank you all so much for always saving me. For all the love. For being a family. I will always be thankful.
    " Begin with the ending in mind ~ Stephen Covey "

  20. #20
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    Re: My husband had an affair

    Sending loving thoughts, prayers, and hugs your way, sam! Your stronger than you give yourself credit for.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


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