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  1. #1
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    Jan 2011
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    Living with Alcholics in your Family

    How do you cope with your husband and son both are alcholics? I think I am losing my mind. I am at my wits end and don't know where to turn for help! I can not function in this atmosphere and no future. How do you change your life and try to help your family members?

  2. #2
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    Mar 2005
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    Re: Living with Alcholics in your Family

    Welcome to LifeSupporters, jgiffy. I wish it were under less unfortunate circumstances.

    Sadly, there is not much you can do. Changing YOUR life will not make their bad habits go away. It will only make you feel more miserable, as the changes you make will not be met with a reciprocal response from your husband and son.

    I know it sounds awful, but the only way your husband and son can overcome their alcohol habits, is if they want to effect change in their lives. Until then, they will feel that their habit works for them, no matter how miserable you are as a consequence.

    Begging and pleading will not work. Because they will in all likelihood ignore it. If you are lucky you will not be emotionally abused if you bring up the subject of their alcohol dependency. But, I fear that has already happened.

    Without knowing any particulars I can't really advice you more than that.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

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  3. #3
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    Oct 2005
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    Re: Living with Alcholics in your Family

    Welcome to Lifesupporters jgiffy. I am sorry you are suffering so much. You might try going to an AL-ANON meeting. You can search on the internet for one near you. They help the family members of alcoholics deal with the situation.

    Here are a couple sites I found:

    Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
    Online Al-Anon Outreach

    Hope this helps some. Hang in there. We are here to listen and be your sounding board.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

  4. #4
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    Re: Living with Alcholics in your Family

    Quote Originally Posted by Vautrin View Post

    I know it sounds awful, but the only way your husband and son can overcome their alcohol habits, is if they want to effect change in their lives. Until then, they will feel that their habit works for them, no matter how miserable you are as a consequence.

    Begging and pleading will not work. Because they will in all likelihood ignore it. If you are lucky you will not be emotionally abused if you bring up the subject of their alcohol dependency. But, I fear that has already happened.

    Without knowing any particulars I can't really advice you more than that.
    I would have to agree. They have to want to change and until they do, it's going to be tough.
    I'm so much cooler online...

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  5. #5
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    Nov 2010
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    Re: Living with Alcholics in your Family

    Hang in there jgiffy. It must be difficult for you in your current situation. Any type of addictive or abusive behavior is hurtful to everyone.

    There is not much you can do until they want to help themselves.

  6. #6
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    Jun 2005
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    Re: Living with Alcholics in your Family

    I really know about this subject as I've lived with family alcoholism most of my life. As a matter of fact, as a teenager, I was headed there myself. Thankfully, I found that it wasn't true for me.

    There are two choices in this for you. You either leave or you stay. Sadly, the person with the alcohol disease has to seek treatment or be willing to make the change him/herself. No amount of begging, pleading, nagging, etc. will make them change until a person decides on his/her own.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  7. #7
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    Oct 2004
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    Re: Living with Alcholics in your Family

    Amen, Luba!

    Sorry to hear about your family jgiffy, with these major issues, radical action is necessary to save not just your life, but most importantly your son's...

    be brave !
    the universe is made out of stories, not atoms

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
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    4

    Re: Living with Alcholics in your Family

    I'm sorry about your pain, jgiffy. It is true that no alcoholic or other addict will change unless they are good and ready to. No one can make them. No one can convince them. It is fruitless to try.

    Alcholism runs in my family. I do not drink. I've known and been involved with many alcoholics, sadly. Until they hit the bottom of the barrel - and for each person that bottom is a different thing - then they will not change. A family member of mine had to be arrested twice, spend time in jail, have his property seized by courts, and had to spend two years going to court ordered meetings after he was released ... before he stopped drinking. Not to paint a bleak picture, but he also needs (but does not get) serious weekly therapy because he replaced his alcohol addiction with other obsessions. Alcoholism isn't a single dimensional problem - it is complex and terrible.

    I'm sorry - but you need to extract yourself from their lives and let them fail on their own. The more you try to save them from their own consequences, the bigger their fall will be in the end. My other family members kept "saving" my the alcoholic ones thinking they were doing good, but in the end, it only prolonged and worsened the outcomes. Getting out doesn't make you a bad person - it means you won't support their decisions to harm themselves and harm you any longer.

  9. #9
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    Oct 2004
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    Re: Living with Alcholics in your Family

    How do you cope with your husband and son both are alcholics? I think I am losing my mind. I am at my wits end and don't know where to turn for help! I can not function in this atmosphere and no future. How do you change your life and try to help your family members?
    i'm so sorry. living with an alcoholic isn't easy so living with 2 is even harder. there is a group out there called al-anon. it really does help to put things in perspective.

    i grew up in an alcoholic home. both my parents were alcoholics. they've overcome their addiction and are now wonderful parents. we are however dealing with my brother who is now a full pledged alcoholic. he doesn't live with us but it still affect us tremendously. my brother's hands shake if he doesn't get a drink. it's really heartbreaking to watch. there is hope though...

    there isn't anything that anyone can do about the alcoholic to stop drinking until the alcoholic wants it. what al-anon will teach you is how to live your life with sanity. i went when i was a teenager and it did help me to better understand me and the alcoholic.

    all the best
    Life is what you make of it. Make it happen.

  10. #10
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    Oct 2013
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    Re: Living with Alcholics in your Family

    Quote Originally Posted by jgiffy View Post
    How do you cope with your husband and son both are alcholics? I think I am losing my mind. I am at my wits end and don't know where to turn for help! I can not function in this atmosphere and no future. How do you change your life and try to help your family members?

    DON'T LET THEM DRIVE YOU CRAZY !! I am a recovered alcoholic, and I have studied the addicted mind for 16 years. I know about as much as anyone about alcoholism, and the mental twists it does to their thinking. My last job was even working in a drug/alcohol treatment center.

    You may ask me anything you would like, I will help you find resources available to you. You are not alone, there are many others out there that can relate with what you are going through and can help.

    But if you are in danger, either get them out or you get out !! If they need treatment, find out all you can about local centers. Many have a sliding scale payment scales now, and can work with you. But you need to make a choice how bad you are going to let it get, before you say enough is enough.

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