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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2011

    Need Help, Lots of Reading Inside

    Hey, I had trouble finding a suitable forum for this post so please move this post if necessary. There is a lot of reading to do here as well, so here it is..

    My name is Jeremy (16 Years old) and I came to this forum with a situation that is very important to me and can impact my future in a huge way. If you don't like reading, I suggest you back away from this post because I have a lot of explaining to do.

    About Myself: (With no intentions of self-righteousness or boasting)
    I am a very intelligent and mature person and have been told so by friends and family plenty of times. I don't care about my social status at school but if I would have to label myself, I would give myself the label of that one kid that gets along with everyone regardless of social standards and ways of living, I am definitely not a "douche". Although I have an easy time at school socially, I haven't been able to pass classes starting in 10th grade (I'm a junior currently). In class I am an exceptional learner and contribute 100% of the time and can follow any lesson with ease. But my only issue is the fact that I don't pass classes consistently. I don't have ADHD or any mental disability (proven by doctors), which is very confusing to me. I have recently enrolled in online schooling and it has been going "okay". So, now that you have an idea of me from an academic standpoint, I can explain my home life...I have a single mom that is 38 years old, and haven't been in contact with my dad for about 11 months. My Dad is an amazing person and I definitely favor him in regards to someone I can tell anything and have good times with, but he has made a few mistakes recently which is why I haven't spoken to him for so long. Now, my mom is also a great lady with good intentions of raising me. But, I don't know why or what I have done to her, but since the 9th grade she has had episodes of absolute insanity and psychosis almost 2-4 times a week that are still occurring. I do admit that I give her attitude and talkback at times, but I have no criminal record, haven't been in trouble for drinking or smoking, etc.. But I guess I will make one hiccup and she will go ballistic and start taking things out of my room (phone, Ipod, etc.) and tell me she hates me and that I'm a piece of ****(excuse the language lol) bastard (which she hasn't once taken back while acting normal). She has also tried to put her hands on me and has hit me hundreds of times, but I haven't suffered any injuries or detriments to my health. I am not the kind of person to pent up anger towards anyone in the world, and after any intense or violent situation I simply listen to some music and breathe and am fine afterwards. So I have never retaliated towards my mom because I would never under any circumstance lay my hands on a woman with the intentions of hurting her. I always keep a calm and collective demeanor no matter what. But I have recently (and cannot explain why), lost my temper and I have no recollection of what I did. But apparently I took a tennis racket and broke several items in my room and damaged the wall. I have never in my life experienced any situation where I was so angry that I lashed out. Ever since I lost my temper I have vowed to make sure to never do that again because anger only leads to injury and hatred. I suppose that all of my moms anger and violence has been pushing me to the point where I almost lose all sanity and go ballistic, but due to the fact that I am very good at keeping calm I have never (except that one instance) lost my temper. But my mom has persisted to act violently and I have kept my temper under control very well. She threatens to send me to my dads, which I would be fine with. But my dad and I still have not broken the tension between us and also if he found out I wasn't doing so well in school he wouldn't be very happy. Which concludes my personal life problems.

    My education:
    I am a Junior and am about 9 or 10 credits behind from graduating. Now I will get straight to the point for this. As I stated above, I am very intelligent and pride myself on my articulation and perception. But I have been thinking that having to catch up so much is not convenient for me because I don't have the spare time, I don't have my license yet (Which I can get as soon as I test, whenever I want to), and I don't have a car. So I have started considering testing for a GED which I think I can easily acquire. I presented this idea to my mom today on the phone, and she was livid and started insulting me and telling me if I get my GED that she will disown me (Keep in mind, my mom never graduated college but has had a somewhat satisfying career). I really want to get a job and start working to save a few thousand dollars so that I can finally move out. I will turn 17 in 5 months, and then obviously 18 the year after and become free. So I have thought that getting my GED, working, and then going to a community college to start my future seems like a good idea. But my mom will not allow me to test for it because she thinks of me as a piece of sh** for presenting the idea and as stated before she will "disown me and send me to my dads". So: If I do end up testing for my GED, will this be a good idea given my current academic standing, will I be able to lead a pleasurable life in the future, and will getting the GED be a good decision for me?

    I would like to see some personal opinions and experiences for any of you that have good advice.
    Last edited by Duke; 06-01-2011 at 10:33 AM. Reason: Removed Bold Text Formatting.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    The Cloud of Unknowing

    Re: Need Help, Lots of Reading Inside

    Hi Jeremy. Welcome to the forums.

    You are a young teenager, and going through a lot of changes, as you are maturing. You are changing, and both you and your mother have to come to terms with that. And it seems your mother is definitely having a hard time with that, to put it mildly.
    But, I don't know why or what I have done to her, but since the 9th grade she has had episodes of absolute insanity and psychosis almost 2-4 times a week that are still occurring.
    What it does suggest is that there are serious problems between you and your mom. Mental health is a very complex field, and often it is not clear what causes a particular problem to arise. In all likelihood your behavior has nothing to do with it (it could be the stresses in her life, a feeling she is in a dead end job and not doing what she wants to do, a failing relationship, or any combination of these things). But because you live with your mom, you are the one who is most exposed to these behaviors.
    There is nothing you can do about it, in terms of ascertaining that she does not keep persisting in her behaviors. She needs to discover then that she is a problem that needs to be addressed. Likewise, she may project her issues on you, but that may well be a coping strategy, which helps her not to take responsibility for her actions. It is not fair on you, but sadly you have to bear the consequences.

    With regards to your episode of anger, it may well be the case that you don't let the steam out. From the sounds of it, you just take the punches, but of course that affects your outlook as well, as you are made to feel powerless. Any negative emotion is like water filling a bucket: at some point the water will overflow. There is only so much you can take, before you have to let it out, before the anger consumes you.
    So if you have the chance to engage in activities to let go of the anger (physically demanding activities are usually excellent for that, depending on your attributes you can perhaps even find a physically demanding job, that will help you save some money as well), that might be beneficial for you.

    You seem like a very modest and humble person, who has his head straight on, who thinks about his options and how to get to the future he wants to create for himself. Having the GED option in the back of your mind is certainly not a bad thing.

    I think what is holding you back, is your personal situation: because life with your mom is hard, that gives you plenty of distraction, plenty of pressure to do well. Stress up to a certain level can improve academic performances, but after a certain optimum has been reached, it goes downhill, often quite rapidly.
    Once you start enjoying life a bit more, because you don't have to worry about how your mother will be treating you for the rest of the day, things will get a lot better. If there is a way for you to reduce the stress in your life, that it will help improve your academic performance, which will reduce the stress even further.

    Depending on the situation of your father it might not be a bad idea to make him a bigger thing in your life than he currently is. Your mom's threat to send you to your father may be a good thing for you, since it would remove you from the toxic situation you find yourself in with regards to your mom. We all have our flaws and make our mistakes. As long as they are not too serious, there is no reason to keep people out of your life, especially if they are accepting of who you are. At the moment, it does not seem your mother is accepting you for who you are. Your dad may be more accepting of who you are.
    I am sure one of the reasons you are afraid of your dad finding out that you are not doing as great as you could in school as you have, is because he values education. But I also feel, that once you remove yourself from the stressful situation with your mom, things will improve.
    I don't know him, but if you feel he can be supportive of you, that will make a lot of difference to you. You and your father probably both have their flaws, but if you can accept them of each other, that will make a massive difference to you.

    With regards to your education:
    I am not American, so I can't really comment on the attainability of a GED for you. The way you express yourself, suggests however that you are able to make use of GED, and start your life as you imagine. It certainly seems like the better option than being stuck with your mom for another two years, especially if her behavior does not improve.

    In the end, as long as you are admissible to the community college, it does not really matter how you get there. I have no doubts you have the brains to do it, the tricky bit is to negotiate the consequences, mainly stemming from your rocky relationship with your mother.

    Good luck Jeremy, I hope this helps a bit.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    At Home

    Re: Need Help, Lots of Reading Inside

    Hi Jeremy. Welcome to Lifesupporters. You didn't say that you dropped out of school yet. I would suggest you try to get your high school degree in the normal way but if you just can't handle it and need to drop out then definitely get the GED. I have a good friend whose son dropped out of school around your age. It was a shame really because it put his progress behind but he got his GED and now is in school to become an Aeronautical Engineer. He also was a very smart kid. He is doing good now but I am sure it wasn't an easy road and he lucked out and found a woman to support him. He is married, has a son and is now going to school. His wife makes a good income so he lucked out. Not all do. Think long and hard before you quit school and go for a GED.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2011

    Re: Need Help, Lots of Reading Inside

    Thanks guys, I appreciate the input.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2008

    Re: Need Help, Lots of Reading Inside

    You might want to check out the community college you're thinking about attending and see if a GED would suffice for their prerequisite. Some colleges are just fine with only a GED, but some are not at all. Some make you take extra tests for entry to become their student. It's really a gamble, so be careful which college you pick to further your adult education.

    Having only a GED can become somewhat tricky, especially if you don't finish college. Some jobs require at least a High School Diploma and don't even consider a GED as completion to your high school career. Jobs aren't suppose to do this, but some do. Especially high pay scale jobs that you would think a GED could suffice, sometimes it doesn't.

    If you do decide on getting a GED, just be sure you have either community college or some vo-tech type education under your belt. It makes the GED sting a lot less in terms of looking for employment. Also, if you are dropping out of school, I think that some high schools make your parents sign you out until you're the age of 17. I could be wrong about that and it may differ in respect to what state you live in.

    You could always talk to your Guidance Counselor at school, tell them about your plans and why you're planning on receiving a GED instead of a High School Diploma. They may be able to help you even find a place to live. If you're already on the online courses, I can't help you there. That's way high-tech for me concerning your high school career.

    Your mother doesn't sound like she is having psychosis. She just sounds like she is upset with your father and is taking it out on you. Maybe you remind her of your dad? She also doesn't want you to drop out of school, whether she's a hypocrite about that or not, all parents want their children to do and have better than they had. She may have a good job right now, but it may have taken a lot of sacrificing to get there and she wants it to be easier for you.

    Take care and let us know how you are doing.

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