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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    711

    Drama, how do I always find it?

    Okay so my soon to be ex husband just showed up out of the blue last Wednesday. I told him to not come yet he did.

    In a moment of feeling sorry for myself, I asked him to come back to me back in the first week of May because I thought it would be better to be with him and put up with his bull**** than to be alone. He declined and I quickly realized it was a mistake to do this anyway.

    I met a new guy, Ryan, and I am so in love with him in every aspect. I love all things about him, good and bad. I really believe that if there is such a thing as a soul mate, then he's mine. He's my best friend. I can be weak with him and I can confide in him like i've never been able to do before. I really really love him.

    Well the ex showed up and I was nice to him, not the bitch i usally am. I wanted to try to be friends for him for my daughters sake. Once he helped me put her to bed and I let him lay in my bed while she fell asleep so he wouldn't wake her leaving (you have to go thru her room to get to mine, the house is laid out funny) and he started kissing me and in another moment of weakness we fooled around a little. We didn't have sex, just some heavy petting. It was a mistake, but he texted Ryan and told him about it.

    And now Ryan won't talk to me.

    My heart is broken, and my life is in shambles.

    All I want to do is crawl into bed and disappear.

    I can't, I have my daughter to take care of.

    She's my everything.

    Doesn't stop my heart from breaking.
    STOP MOUNTAIN TOP REMOVAL

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    The Cloud of Unknowing
    Posts
    17,425

    Re: Drama, how do I always find it?

    I am so sorry to hear that Ayla. Not only your ex intruded your private space, took advantage of the situation, and then proceeded to break your trust as well. From what you have described of him before, I doubt he had any positive intention.

    Hopefully Ryan will come to terms with things, and he only needs some time. Being involved with someone who has children of their own from a previous relationship, will throw up some challenges from time to time. He may simply not have realized that yet.

    Keep well, and hopefully he will accept your soon to be ex's husband idiocy for what it was.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    2,971

    Re: Drama, how do I always find it?

    Ayla, so sorry you had to go through this. The most important thing right now is not Ryan, but it's to sort things out for yourself. It is a tough time, especially since the breakup from your ex is still fresh and so is your new relationship with your new man...

    So for the moment, rather than bouncing back to Ryan, take your time to calm down. Inside. And understand what happened and why. It may be that between you and your ex there was only a moment of weakness. What if it's more? Give yourself time to understand and to let your old feelings for your ex die (or not). This way you'll be able to make a fresh start...
    the universe is made out of stories, not atoms

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    711

    Re: Drama, how do I always find it?

    Ryan and I broke up. We are still the best of friends and still talk all the time but he said I was dealing with too many life changes right now to be in a relationship with him or anyone right now. And he's right. I am.

    My head is clearing.

    I adore Adele and I love her song "Rolling in the Deep". One line says something along the lines of "Finally I see you crystal clear " I'm finally seeing others and myself with a new clarity. I'm getting my life together.

    I'm working on enrolling in a Nursing Program at a local community college and my focus is myself and my daughter only right now.

    I can't say I never miss my husband. I can't say I don't ever think about letting him come back. That's all I do is think about it though. I know him coming back into my life wouldn't be a good idea.

    And as far as Ryan. I still live him but idk if it's the right kind of person for my life. He wouldn't mesh well with my family and friends. So maybe that's for the best.
    STOP MOUNTAIN TOP REMOVAL

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    The Cloud of Unknowing
    Posts
    17,425

    Re: Drama, how do I always find it?

    Sorry to hear about the breakup, but glad you are getting your life back on track Ayla.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    97

    Re: Drama, how do I always find it?

    I think anytime we make large changes in our lives, we tend to look back and wonder if it was for the best. We all have those moments of weakness and we have to accept that we are only human. Sounds like you are on the right track, just hold your head high and make them all think everything is wonderful.

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