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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    76

    Children's best interest

    SO i am currently been having mediation sessions with the soon to be ex wife and discussing joint custody of the kids. Originally she had agreed to full joint custody with me having them one week and then her having them the following week. She had also agreed to pick the kids up from school and have them until i got home from work an hour or so later. Two days later she had changed her mind and said that she had spoken to the kids and they did not want to live me (it also coincided with her bf losinh his job - again).

    I spoke to the kids and although they said they didn't want to live with me (which hurt me very much) they did not or could not give me any reasons why.

    We have since been back to mediation and agreed a slightly different deal but still means i get to have the kids more often but obviously this has caused plenty of arguments between us.

    My stance on this is that i need to protect my kids as much as i can from the STB EX as i stil believe she is going through a mlc or something and that the children will benefit from more time with me. However if the kids are dead set against the idea i do have to question if i am really doing the right thing.

    So how do you know if what you are doing in these cirtumstances is whats really best for the kids ????

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    The Cloud of Unknowing
    Posts
    17,247

    Re: Children's best interest

    That is a tough situation. Not knowing your job situation / school requirements, have you thought of changing your hours, if that is possible?

    Part of the reason may well have to do with the fact that they are used to mom doing these things up to now. That in itself is hardly an argument for arrangements as they are being discussed and proposed right now. It could also be you are seen as more strict, and strict parents are less fun.

    Not listening to the children would be foolish, but you do need to know why they feel that way. Definitely do not agree to anything that is cast in stone, and don't alienate your STB ex completely as the children themselves may change their minds, in the not so distant future (I know of such a case: my ex's sister decided after two years of living with her mom + stepfather that she wanted to live with her father and his new family).
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,209

    Re: Children's best interest

    Don't be hurt too much. They are just children after all. They have probably been coached by their Mother on what they really want to do. Like Vautrin said, your children could change their minds. That's what kids do all the time!

    I do really feel that your soon-to-be-ex wife is coaching your children so she can get as much money out of you as possible. Apparently she wants to support her loser boyfriend.


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