Parents of children with drug addiction

[Jmurph]

I know it is hard to love someone when you see them destroying themselves and all you really want to do is shake them to their senses. We found once we had our issues in hand (the anger at the situation, the disappointments, the tiredness from worry) the focus became about her and we gave as much love and reassurance as was possible.

We also took time for ourselves as parents to vent all the above hidden emotions - in the car when we went shopping, when we went for walks with the dogs - anywhere where she could not hear us - we never did this at home as the old saying goes "Walls have ears". We learnt that it was just as important for us to "download" our emotions to enable us to help her.

I really wish you much success with finding the right path for your daughter - asking for help is always that first step.

Yeah, It really breaks my heart seeing my daughter suffering from her addiction, I know I have a mistake why she become like this. Maybe I focus more on my job and forgot that my daughter needs me. I don't even remember when was the last time that we go out together, and even the time that we talk without arguing. I really can't resist not to blame myself, how I wish I could turn back the time.

[Rosie Sanchez]

You can't turn back time but you can make efforts towards the future. It's the fact that we go backwards all the time, lay blame, look for reasons etc, that actually stops us from going forwards.

Nothing can be changed about the past. What you need to try and do is just find something you can do together - even if it's only to go eat at McDonalds :-) and not discuss anything to do with the past or addiction. Sounds easy doesn't it - I can assure you it's not. If you do this, be prepared with subjects you can bring to the silence. Oh and be sure to tell your daughter that she has to do the same. No good it being one sided.

If you try this let me know how it went.

[Luba]

I agree with Rosie, start small, Jmurph. She has to know that you love her no matter what. Sometimes there will come up an opening where you can't resist saying something that could set her off, but she has to know that beyond anything, she is loved by you!

[Star]

I thought I'd update this thread.

Krystal, my oldest is now 29 and still living the lifestyle of being involved with drugs. She's no longer doing heroin but her drug of choice now is prescription drugs like anti depressants and anti anxiety drugs. She's more involved in her children's lives now. She knows the rule that she cannot be high when she comes to visit or she will be leaving. Still practicing tough love with her hoping that one day she will decide enough is enough. I hope before anything really bad happens to her!

Kassandra went to rehab and relapsed. It didn't work for her. About a year or so after that, she decided she had enough and changed her life completely around. She moved back home with me and got her ducks in a row for a huge life change. She went to meetings, at first it was forced by me but then she went on her own and looked forward to it. She did some counseling, got her high school diploma and is now starting her first day in college today! She's been home with us now for about 3 years or so and plans on staying home until her 2 years in college is done. She's going in the Youth worker field where she has a broad route of opportunities in helping people. I am so so proud of her and the best part is that I got my little girl back! She is the person that we raised her to be!!

Addicts can and do recover if they want it bad enough.

[Vautrin]

Glad to hear that things are starting to work out for both your daughters. Still a long way to go - addiction is something you never truly leave behind.

I do hope Krystal can (eventually) cut out the prescription drugs out of her life. Hopefully she can have meaningful relationships with her children. I am sure it can't be easy on you and your husband.

Kassandra sounds like she has her life back on track - and I hope that she'll succeed in college.