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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Virginia, USA

    Ready To Be An Adult

    Hello everyone! If anyone remembers me, I posted back in 2010 about my abusive stepfather. Since then, things have calmed down a lot. I was able to find a job, which satisfied him enough. So he treats me alright now. I still dislike a lot of the stuff he says and does, but at least he's no longer calling the cops on me or calling me worthless.

    Onto the reason I'm posting here today. I'm currently 22, overweight, in a dead-end job, and wanting to get OUT! My main problem in my life right now is my weight. It's very unhealthy. I've tried dieting and exercising, but it's just near impossible to make any progress in my situation. I live in a small, rural area, most, if not all of my friends have moved away, and my parents are constantly eating take out and delicious looking food. So, my situation is this: I have no friends to walk with me, support me, and help me make the right decisions to lose weight, and my parents are constantly waving these temptations in front of my face. So, I've just been getting heavier and heavier despite my tries to lose weight. I've come to the conclusion that the most logical way for me to lose weight is to move out so I don't have these temptations and live closer to friends who are going through the same things and can support me, while I support them.

    So I've been planning and searching and talking to friends, and I think I finally found a logical way out. I have a good friend in Pittsburgh who lives in a house with her roomate. They have an available room and said I'm more than welcome to live with them. This is a wonderful opportunity for me! If I move there, I will live close to a city which means lots and lots of job opportunities, I will live with friends, I will be close to my girlfriend, and I will finally be able to lose weight and live a healthier life. So, it's onto my obstacles...

    First of all, I live in North-West Virginia with my mom and my stepfather, so Pittsburgh is a good 6 hours away from here. That's a long distance to just pack up and leave without actually knowing what I'm doing. And that's the issue. I DON'T know what I'm doing. I'm already looking at job openings in Pittsburgh, that much I know, but what other things do I have to think about? Sure, I have a LITTLE bit of money from the job I have currently. Emphasis on little. I hardly get any hours so it's definitely not enough to support myself, and whatever I have saved up, I have to use on gas. My friends said that they'd be willing to give me a grace period to find a job and make some money before I actually have to pay for my room, so that should be okay, I guess.

    As I asked, though, what things do I have to think about? I need to make a check list of stuff to get finished before I actually move out, if I move out. If I move out of my mom's house, will that mean I have no insurance until I get my own? Will I be able to survive the move with just the little bit of money I have? What should I do? Basically, my mind is a huge jumble because I still feel like a kid. I don't really know anything about insurance or living on my own. Any help or advice about this would be much appreciated!

    I really think I should do this move. If I don't, who knows when I'll have another chance to start my own life.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Under your bed.

    Re: Ready To Be An Adult

    It's great to see you back Meggles

    There is a laundry list of things you have to consider when you move out on your own but knowing them isn't always a benefit. If you stop and consider that you will need money for:

    • Transportation (Public Transit or Car, Insurance, Gas, Maintenance)
    • Food
    • Clothing
    • Rent
    • Furniture
    • Utilities
    • Phone
    • Misc Entertainment (Cable, parties, movies, concerts, dating)

    ...depending on the person you are, this can actually hinder your will to move.

    Moving out and paying rent means you will likely be living paycheck to paycheck for a good long time, are you ready for that?

    While you will be living with friends and closer to a city where there may be more reasons to exercise and eat healthy, it doesn't mean you'll make those decisions once there especially if your depressed by lack of income.

    The one benefit I had over you when I moved out of my parents house was I had friends locally that I lived with for about a year or so. It was a good experience in that I saw first hand where all my money went and if I couldn't manage it, I could move back home and regroup.

    It's too bad you don't have anyone locally that you can move in with to get a feel for moving out.

    If you do ultimately decide to move (which I would personally), just make sure that you have a backup plan; in fact, ALWAYS have a backup plan.

    Friends are rarely very reliable. I can say this for even good friends as living together always changes the dynamic of the friendships mostly because money is involved.
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Virginia, USA

    Re: Ready To Be An Adult

    Thank you for replying! That is a rather daunting list, but if I break it down a little, it's not so bad. Infact, I learned that the rent, utilities, and cable and internet is all included in what I would pay a month after my grace period. As for clothing I think I'll be alright until I start losing a significant amount of weight. By the time I do that though, I should have settled in alright. For furniture, I got all the basic things like a bed, a dresser, a tv, and a desk that I could easily take up there. So then, I have food, phone, and transportation to worry about. I have my own car, but since it's a city, I can rely more heavily on public transit so I don't have to use so much gas. So that saves me some money! For food, I'm sure my friends will be willing to help me and I do have enough money saved for that. For my phone? I might have to live without my cellphone for a bit, or at least get a really cheapo one just for emergencies.

    Overall, I don't think the list has made me feel and less determined to keep pushing forward! As long as I find a decent job or two within a month or so, I think I could be okay.

    I agree though, I need to formulate a backup plan, for sure.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    The Cloud of Unknowing

    Re: Ready To Be An Adult

    Sounds like a good plan. Moving out on your own is a great way of losing weight.

    Instead of relying on public transport, you could also try and walk to wherever you need to be if the distances are limited. Walking half a mile may be tiring, but it is also "free exercise", so that can save you the time to do some extra exercise and a gym membership. It is really effective.

    You have to give consideration to your job opportunities in Pittsburgh. How much money do you need to make to pay all the bills (including the things like a cell phone)? How many hours of work would that entail?
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

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