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Thread: Ex Wife Woes...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2012

    Ex Wife Woes...

    Okay... so this is the deal..And it's long so I hope someone has time for this...

    I met this guy online through a friend and we started talking. We got along really well so we met. At this point I knew that he was married (separated), 2 kids, and he had his own place. We started getting together more and more often. We kept everything on the hush from his ex. We have a lot of mutual friends and he grew up in the little town I seemed to have always loved.
    We started getting more serious and now after 1.5 months of "seeing" each other, we decided to date. By this time, we already knew this was going to be hard.

    His ex started stalking my facebook profile through someone else's and that's when it all started...

    Last weekend I was with my boyfriend in his little town. He just so happened to had to go somewhere and that's when she showed up. She called me over to her car and asked my if I was doing anything with her "husband". I told her that was up to him to tell her. She then proceeded to tell me that if she catches me with him that I should watch out and she took off.

    I should also mention that she still seemed to think they were together.. He told me all the time that he tells her everyday that they aren't together though...

    I tried to be mature about it all. She would msg me saying she's with him all night and those little hurtful things the ex's like to say so I sat there and wrote her a msg... This is that msg..

    Jen, honestly... I'm not going to sit here and fight with you about this... If he says he loves you, he probably does... that doesn't mean he's happy with you either.... Love is tricky like that.... Either way... There's no reason to come at me for anything, I wasn't there when you guys split... that isn't my fault. If he wants to be with someone else... even if it weren't me... just let him... be happy for him being happy. You never know what may happen in the future...
    Just live your life for the kids, let him do the same... and just let life ride out.. best thing to ever do

    I'm not a bad person, Jen... I really am not.
    and I am sorry if this is all ****ed up and all but... that's life... there's only so much anyone can do to make things happen the way they want them to...
    She continued to bitch though...

    This week, he was working in my town and called me to go see him at lunch. Just about that same time, his ex started txting me telling me that I'm single and he's with her etc etc...
    This is where I messed up for sure...
    I was getting pretty ticked off that she was saying these things when I was right there with him. I ended up getting a picture of him... well my cousin did... and I sent it to her saying if he was with her then why was he having lunch with me?...
    My mistake right there...
    Didn't think anymore of it and she stopped txting. Just as I was about to kiss him goodbye, the next thing I knew is that I was being pulled out my window by my hair. She let go and we were "WTF"ing her and she started saying I was a ***** so my bf chimed in saying that she was and that's why he left her. He walked backed to work and I took off in my car.
    Later that night (last night), I was supposed to pick him up and he and I, my cousin, and another friend were going to go to the drive in.
    I get into his town and drive by his place...
    I should point out that now at this point, he is living with her again because he couldn't stay where he was....
    I had my cousin with me... So we drive by his place and there's no one anywhere around.. which is weird for that area... So we drive around a bit and go back by about 10 mins later... As we come around the corner, we see my bf on the road and her on the step yelling at each other about a mail key...
    I half stopped and he started talking to me, planning what we were going to do... I was to go back to my town, pick up our other friend, and go back to get him and to the drive in.. as we were having this convo, his ex's MOTHER is screaming ***** at me from the other side of the street... basically, it was a hick-town yelling match for all of them... I sat in my car and ignored it.

    On my way back to get him, I get a phone call from none other than her mother telling me that the whole town is out looking for me. I hung up...
    Got into town with my cousin and our friend got in the passenger seat of my cousin's car and let my friend drive my car because they know the car well enough to spot me now. We found my bf and got out of there.
    Had an amazing night at the drive in, came back to my house and went to bed..
    This morning when I woke up, my phone had a bunch of missed calls and txt saying that my bf's oldest was in the hospital and people were out looking for me.. or us... or him.. or whatever..
    He called her and blocked the number and she kept asking if he was with me. He would say no, and she would tell him he was lying (which was true lol) ... She told him that his daughter might have pneumonia again even though yesterday she was just fine...
    Brought him to the hospital.. dropped him off.. and here I am now...

    Sorry, I know it's a long story and very confusing. So thanks for sticking around so far...

    Now here's where I stand...
    I love my boyfriend and I am willing to go through whatever comes our way to be with him. I'm at a complete loss of what to do when it comes to his ex and everything though. I'm not a fighter, never have been. Nor do I want to fight her. I don't want her going home with bruises and cuts for the kids to see... and I don't want to get hurt either (obviously)..
    After the hair pulling thing, I told her that if she comes near me again, I'll call the cops... she ignored that apparently..
    I don't want to have to call the cops either... My boyfriend has a record as it is (Just for things like playing on 4 wheelers, disturbing the piece, little things..) and I don't want the cops harassing him or anything.

    What should I do?!?!

    Please... any kind of answer would be good.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Somewhere over the rainbow!

    Re: Ex Wife Woes...

    Hi FML, Welcome to Lifesupporters even though it is in such difficult circumstances.

    Coming from a Grandmothers's point of view, and have seen people go through these kinds of circumstances, it's just never ends up being good for the innocent one. All I can say is for your own good, back off until he gets a divorce and solves his issues with his wife. It seems to me like he is sending mixed messages if she still thinks they are together.

    I hope I don't seem too blunt, but being anything other than that, will get you into a whole bunch of hurt and pain, not only from his indecisiveness but also from his wife and family. Even though he is separated, he still isn't divorced, and she's still in the picture whether he likes it or not.

    Keep coming back as I'm sure others will weigh in as well with their advice.

    Wishing the very best for You!
    from Luba
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    At Home

    Re: Ex Wife Woes...

    Welcome to Lifesupporters. I am sorry for your problem and I don't know if I have any good advice but if it were me I would change my phone number, cancel my Facebook account and have a serious talk with my bf about finalizing the divorce and soon. She is obviously very upset about it all and hasn't accepted that it is over. Seems very immature too. If he comes up with excuses for staying separated longer then maybe it is time to consider that he isn't the one for you. What does he do or say when she is launching these attacks on you? That could also be very telling as to what kind of man he is.

    I have never understood why anyone would act that way to keep someone that didn't love them. Her mom needs a shot of maturity too. She had no business getting involved the way she did. You might just have to resort to calling the police or get some court ordered restraining order if she keeps it up. Not doing anything is like telling a child no but then giving in to them anyway. They learn only that if they whine enough they will get what they want.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2012

    Re: Ex Wife Woes...

    If only it were that easy...
    There's no way I'm giving him up. He's what I've been searching for and I worked hard to get to where I am. I'm not going to go backwards. I love him.

    The Divorce issue....

    We live in Canada... Unless you have been separated for at least 1 year, you can't get a divorce. Unfortunately, he hasn't made it to that year just yet... 4 months to go and counting...

    It may just have to go to the police. I'm now getting txts from other random numbers telling me to watch out...

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    The Cloud of Unknowing

    Re: Ex Wife Woes...

    Do go to the police. As always, document everything. If this does not stop you may even be forced to take legal action.

    I would suggest talking things through with your guy. Especially since there are children involved, custody issues can be tricky to navigate as well. When you are uncertain about the legalities, it is a good idea to see a lawyer. They should be able to spell out what you and your boyfriend, can and cannot do.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2004

    Re: Ex Wife Woes...

    hello fml..nice to meet you.

    i read your story with my jaw hanging to the ground. i couldn't imagine having to deal with that kind of situation eveytime you spend time with your boyfriend.

    my question is what is he doing to protect you from her and all who know her? i'm a little confused about why he had to move in back with his x? why not move in with a friend or even you until he can get himself a place of his own? why the x? see, to me, that's a huge red flag.

    I feel, from what i'm reading, that he isn't completely seperated from his x-wife. there are some unfinished business there between the both of them still...just's the feeling i get.

    if this were me in your shoes, i would run as fast as i could. but, that's me. sounds to me like there is a lot of immaturity and violence with these people. is it really worth it?

    i agree with vautrin if that's what yoiu want is to stay with him. document everything legally. means call the police when you get a threat from any of them. uttering threats is a serious thing and shouldn't be taken lightly. cover yourself ok? this is sounding really dangerous to me.
    Life is what you make of it. Make it happen.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2013

    Re: Ex Wife Woes...

    I agree. I dnt see why he lives with his ex wife. Generally a woman doesn't carry on like that without some sort of reason for her to believe that they are together. It could be something as simple as casual sex or hugs that is being misinterpreted but either way the 3 of u shud try and have a sit down over it.

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