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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2012

    Is it me? Am I a bad dad?

    Hello all, I’m new to posting but not new to the boards, lol. I thought I would share my situation and look for some input. I feel a bit lost and confused right now. I’m currently in my second marriage. My first marriage lasted 13 years and we had no kid’s. I’m now in my second and going on my 3rd year of marriage (it’ll be three years in July). When I met my wife I fell in love and it was wonderful. After being together for 10 months we decided to get married. I married into a family of 4 kids. At the time the kids were 2 boy, 3 boy, 8 boy and 14 girl. I still say wow… lol… They are currently 6, 7, 12, and 18. It’s been a very hard and challenging road to say the least.

    This is my wife’s 4th marriage and all of her kids but the 6 and 7 year old (same father) are from different fathers. Two years ago we had a child together (call me crazy if you want) and she’s my baby girl. Our marriage has been very difficult for the last year or so and I’m having a lot of problems with her 6 year old son and the two other boys. Now, I always keep in mind not to treat my daughter any different and I do my best to do just that. I don’t even know where to start.

    Before my 2year old was born the 6 year old boy started going back into baby mode I guess you could say. He wouldn’t listen and became very rude to me and everyone else. If he didn’t get his way or the food/toy etc he wanted then he would throw a huge tantrum. I’ve tried positive reinforcement and rewards for good behavior and many other things and sometimes it works but most of the time it doesn’t. I have a hard time with this because Mom tends to baby him when he throws these huge fits so they’ve gotten worse as he’s gotten older( same with the other two boys). Now he is 6 years old. He is very spiteful with me… He’s getting to the point that he pushes me, trips me and always talks back to me. I still try to play with him and show him I love him but it’s becoming very difficult to do. If I ask him to do a household chore he drops to the floor and starts saying that he’s not going to do it. At that point there is nothing I can do and I feel helpless. I try to give him choices so he doesn’t get himself in trouble but it doesn’t work with me.

    All in all, he does this to me none stop every day and mom blames me. I’ve tried to talk to her about it and I’m getting very frustrated with the situation. Sometimes I don’t even want to come home from work. Mom is VERY easy going and is not very consistent with her household rules so the kids (all 3 boys) literally run around the house like crazy. It’s very annoying and it’s getting to the point where none of them will listen to me or they will just argue nonstop. I try my best to be consistent with our rules but also try not to be too hard on them. I do realize they are kids and should have fun. When we take them in public it is usually a very embarrassing trip because of their behavior. We have the kids you see in the store that are running around grabbing things or crying loudly because they didn’t get what they want. I know that these things should happen every once in a while but every time?

    I hate eating in public it’s also embarrassing. Mom does nothing to back me up and now they barley listen to me anymore. It’s out of control and killing our marriage. She’s says I’m too hard on them so I lightened up a LOT… But what do I do to teach them responsibility and to act right in public? When the 7 year old hit’s the floor and screams and kicks things what do you do? Nothing? I’m very lost/upset and it’s taking a toll on me. I feel like I can’t be a good dad now and I’m failing. Mom lets them talk back and run around like crazy but I just can’t. We went on a cruise 4 weeks ago without the kids and I was hoping to get that connection back with mom but instead I got “you took me from my kids”. That hurt a lot. I’m not sure what to do or what’s going on but I don’t feel like this is all my fault. Some of it is yes and I’m not perfect and I’m still learning.

    I’m sorry this is so long… I guess this is a cry for help. Please, maybe some advice? Thank you all!!!
    Last edited by Snooks; 06-22-2012 at 04:27 PM.

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