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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    1

    Self-destructive sister is abusing family

    My 24 year old sister has been unemployed since she graduated from college last year. She moved in with my parents and has been making their lives hell for over a year. She runs a few errands a week for the family restaurant but nothing to be considered a job. She has never worked in her life and seems confortable mooching off my parents. (they pay for her car/gas, food, phone, spending money, etc).
    My mother, 2 siblings and I have had a tumultuous relationship with her for the last 10 years and its gotten severe within the last 2. I'm convinced she is bipolar and smoking weed only seems to aggravate her moods (idk if she is on anything else). It kills me to see my mom struggle and be verbally/emotionally abused by my sister. And my dad is completely passive because he a) feels that my sister is an adult and he cannot tell her what to do even she 100% depends on him for everything b) he needs her to run the restaurant when he takes off to his vacation home in Mexico, which is about every 5-6 weeks. My sister continuously disrespects everyone, throws tantrums, and has been physically abusive to my two other siblings. I am frustrated that no one wants to sit down and confront the issue, and living 500 miles away makes me helpless. I've tried to ignore the problem with my sister for the last two years because it only affects me negatively, but I keep getting dragged into the situation when someone needs to vent.
    I've suggested having a family intervention but my siblings feel that our delusional sister is so far gone that this will just be a waste of time. Honestly,I think my parents should just kick her out of the house and make her grow up. She acts like a 5 year old who throws screaming tantrums and physical fights. I don't think its fair for my mom to walk on eggshells in her own home because of my sister, and have to endure disrespect because my father fuels the problem and rewards her bad behavior with money and timeshares to the beach. I can't completely remove myself from this situation because I worry about my mother's safety, but everytime I talk about this, I'm the bad guy that just upsets her. What can I do?? ?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    The Cloud of Unknowing
    Posts
    17,267

    Re: Self-destructive sister is abusing family

    Problem is you can't do much, unless you can convince your parents that such behavior is not acceptable. Perhaps it would be an idea to try and convince your siblings of this? The only way things will get better is if the family can form a united front against your sister.

    Your father's behavior is simply enabling her, and with that she feels there is no need to change her attitude - because it works for her. If your parents are unwilling to address the issue, then I am afraid your siblings are stuck in a difficult situation.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    oklahoma
    Posts
    6,161

    Re: Self-destructive sister is abusing family

    You could get her arrested for domestic abuse if she is violent, but she will hate you then.


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