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  1. #1
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    Oct 2004
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    Addictive personalities

    hi, guys

    I was talking to one of my friends the other day and she used the term "addictive personality" when hearing about how I would describe a certain type of relationship.

    The term hit hard, so when I got home, I did some research on the subject. It turns out that there is something called "behavior based addicted personality" and it can go to addiction to exercise, food, work and of course, love - also called attachment disorder.

    While the term in itself is a bit hard, certain aspects of this disease fitted very well the pattern that I seemed to repeat in a few of my relationships - 2 of them, to be more specific.

    Addictive personality - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    My biggest luck is that I have this absurd pride and confidence in myself which makes me get out of these poisonous situations reasonably quickly - I usually end them in a few weeks. While I am quite good at leaving, I need strong improvement at letting go. It comes, after a while, but somehow, despite that these relationships were brief, they both left huge, sore scars, that I am now wearing with pride . Nonetheless, the fact that I got into this type of interactions, that I actively sought them, looking in retrospective, scares me.

    It's never just one thing, it is always a mix of environmental factors (stress at work or recent job loss) combined with emotional factors (fear of not being good enough, low self esteem and/or dire need of excitement to cope with my life) and of course, a lot of bad luck, if you ask me . Don't get me wrong, I am immensely grateful for all my experiences as I've grown so much stronger, wiser and learnt more about me these past 2 years, that I would ever hope to learn in a lifetime, but it is a very dangerous road to take.

    How about you, do you have - or tend to have - an addictive personality? What do you think about this phenomenon / about these people? Ever been through this experience - not necessarily linked to attachment, but anything else, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs? What was your main take out?
    the universe is made out of stories, not atoms

  2. #2
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    Re: Addictive personalities

    I'm certain i have an addictive personality. i think it is fairly common, like you said in one way or another, everybody has a crutch or faults, and often they go to comfort in whatever that may be. Self discipline can be a hard thing to do at times.
    " To thy own self be true..."

  3. #3
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    Re: Addictive personalities

    i know i have an addictive personality. i was a smoker for 35 years and when i quit that, i replaced it with eating. i think everyone has that kind of personality in them. habits, addictions, over-indulgence is all part of the addictive personality i think. some are worse then others. i think it's part of human nature.
    Life is what you make of it. Make it happen.

  4. #4
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    Re: Addictive personalities

    I've never thought about just how common this might be.

    But it's one thing to let's say, turn to eating if unhappy and totally different to eat until you have stomach aches. So while we all have this addictive strike in ourselves, it only takes some people over the edge.

    Star, it is pretty standard to start eating after quitting to smoke. It is the gesture and the lack of nicotine that needs to be replaced - your brain is looking for the "fix".

    how come you've decided to quit smoking? What made you stick to your decision, as I imagine there was temptation down the road?
    the universe is made out of stories, not atoms

  5. #5
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    Re: Addictive personalities

    Quote Originally Posted by twinkle View Post
    I've never thought about just how common this might be.

    But it's one thing to let's say, turn to eating if unhappy and totally different to eat until you have stomach aches. So while we all have this addictive strike in ourselves, it only takes some people over the edge.

    Star, it is pretty standard to start eating after quitting to smoke. It is the gesture and the lack of nicotine that needs to be replaced - your brain is looking for the "fix".

    how come you've decided to quit smoking? What made you stick to your decision, as I imagine there was temptation down the road?
    i think it's more of my brain looking to replace the addiction to smoking then anything else. and the motion of my hands and mouth as well was habit.

    i stopped smoking over a year ago using champax. it worked well and everyone who knows me, was very surprised that i could quit. i was the last person that everyone thought would ever quit smoking. it was the one thing i really enjoyed doing. there are no temptations. i really have no desire to smoke...that desire left about 2 weeks into starting the champax. i wish there was a magic little pill to stop me from eating now.. i've gained 40 pounds since i quit smoking. trying to lose this weight is so hard. harder then it was to quit smoking. i have to find something else i enjoy to replace it - hense the hard part.

    addicted personality is a vicious cycle really. if you stop one addiction or habit, you will replace it with another.
    Life is what you make of it. Make it happen.

  6. #6
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    Re: Addictive personalities

    I think I got a lot a frustration and disappointment bottled up - with myself, mostly. I use the gym to let it all out - I love the endorphins' high. And whenever I crave attention, I go salsa dancing.

    In my case, it was my friends who made me realize the extent to which I was losing control - starting to lack appetite, lack of sleep, you know, all the symptoms. Outside help and working out.

    Funny how my knee surgery kept me busy and saved me from a terrible summer.

    So the fact that I am quite social helped, in this case, people redflagged that I was spiraling down for a moment. I've done yoga, meditation, massages, I was taking every little help I could get to fill up the void inside and in the end, 4 months later, I got peace.

    I honestly think that "mens sana in corpore sano" is so effective and so true. It may look like a quick fix, but having a healthy routine (exercise and meditation, in my case) helps one stay on track with their lives.
    the universe is made out of stories, not atoms

  7. #7
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    Re: Addictive personalities

    everyone has to find that one thing that works for them. unfortunately, excersise isn't something that i like to do. i do however force myself to excersise sometimes but not enough to have a huge effect.

    i am trying to get hubby to help me with this. he's pretty good at keeping fit, so hopefully, i will get into the rythm of it soon. i need to find an excersise that i like to do. i have several dvd's and hate them all. besides, i hate doing that by myself. i need a buddy to push me..lol!

    my little brother got into that working out addiction. he was losing so much weight he looked horrible. he's slowed down some now and has replaced his addiction with music (he plays the drums). i must say he's looking a lot heathier now that he's put on some weight. he was way too thin.

    always a challenge in life
    Life is what you make of it. Make it happen.

  8. #8
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    Re: Addictive personalities

    It scares me that you say that about addictive personalities, but you are right. I think that we are all, more or less, addicted to a certain type of thrill and will continue to seek it, rationally or irrationally, in different areas of our lives.

    Sometimes, we are ok with substitutes.... but when we get the type of excitement we crave, it is hard to resist and even harder to stop it from taking over our lives.

    I don't want to fail my life. I was very scared to be by myself - after 10 years of being in relationships - and it took me 2 years to get the courage of looking inside. I like what I saw. I like me. I really do - that's how I feel when I am strong and balanced. But I'm not always like that. I am afraid that if I get weak again, I might fall under the attraction of someone / something else - and you know how it is, when you lose control, you get mistreated.

    So I guess, my quest now, given that I've understood that I have this "addictive personality", is to actively seek an harmless "fix" - or at least one that I can control better (as in, not a relationship). Funny how clear headed I am about all the relationships I am in right now (and about me) and how blurry everything was when I was "high".
    the universe is made out of stories, not atoms

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