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  1. #1
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    I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Hi guys,
    I have been Trying to get in forums for a while now and I can't seem to get in until i found this site. My story is long and i hope you have the Patience to finish reading my story. My ex and i were together fo a year and a half, i know its not that long. But i became pregnant during our 7th month, we were shocked at first but we loved each other and were of age so nothing to worry about. My ex is a bit selfish but nothing i cant handle because im not that needy until im about 8 weeks pregnant. Im always dizzy and vomitting so i needed hin to take care of me plus he smokes so we had a talk that if my day being pregnant is bad (about the vomitting and stuff) that he would not smoke or let me smell and he would drive slowly etc and he agreed but he didnt keep his promise. He made me cry almost everyday, made me feel sad and he would call me fat every minute in short he made my pregnancy very awful until my 5th month my sister and i went for a check up i was so excited but the doctor couldnt find a heartbeat. My baby died inside me (missed miscarriage) so i called my ex at work i got admitted for a week but the baby still inside me they said that mu baby would come out eventually so we waited but he's still selfish and make me cry he would go home late like he used to when the baby was still alive im home alone and i was laboring that day and we had fights everyday. The night before i couldnt take it anymore and i spanked him ao he left me the next day through text he was so mad because i spanked him. He left me laboring ang bleeding that day. Its been a month now since he left and not a call or text from him if i was doing okay or if the baby was out. Now im dealing with 2 heartaches. I thought i was gonna ba a mom and two i thought i was gonna be a wife.

  2. #2
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    I thought he loved me but from all the things he did to me i know that he didnt even care for me or our baby. All i could think of when i was delivering my dead child is where is he. He's the only one who would trully relate to me cause it was our child. I was crying the whole time im delivering. Even his family is happy that he left me. Why do this happen to people. Ive done a lot of mistakes but i know i dont deserve this.

  3. #3
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Welcome to the forums. My condolences for your loss.

    A stillbirth like that itself is horrible to go through. That in itself is quite traumatizing, even with the best support you could get.

    Your ex's behavior certainly did not improve matters one bit. While I would not go as far that he should have believed that "we are pregnant", he certainly should have made these small changes, almost without even having to ask. From the sounds of it, he was completely not ready to become a father, and simply too selfish to handle things.

    From the sounds of things, the both of you are relatively young, and that may well have contributed to his appalling behavior. He simply did not know how to deal with it. His actions have been callous. As for his family, I think their reaction is quite telling. And probably not too different from the way he was raised.

    As cruel as it sounds, you're better off without him. Give yourself time to heal, time to recover, and start picking up your life again.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  4. #4
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Thank you, i don't even know why i came to this site cause i know what people will tell me but i guess when you're hurting you just need to vent out. All my friends and family tell me that i deserve someone who really loves me and will take care of me but i am just hurting, soooo bad. I have a lot of questions that i know i need not ask cause there's no point. My baby's gone and he left. I cant think clearly, i developd allergy when i gave birth and a bit of stress and my allergies go off.

  5. #5
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Welcome to Lifesupporters, Anewstoryforme! I am so sorry for your loss!

    Vautrin gave great advice, by giving yourself time to recover and grieve you loss, you will be able to move on again.
    As for your ex, I don't believe he was/is ready for a relationship, let alone being a Dad.

    Take your time, not making any big decisions at this time.

    Call your friends, spend time with your family, those people that love you and keep coming here to vent or chat. Though we are a small community there are very caring people here.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  6. #6
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    i am so sorry for your loss and for the way you were treated by your ex.

    as said above, he clearly wasn't ready to be a dad or in a serious relationship. by the sounds of his family, he was also not taught how to treat a woman. you don't know this now because you're in so much pain but, you are better off without him.

    you need to grieve the loss of your child and that will take time. like luba suggested, surrounding yourself with people who care and love you will help in the healing process.

    i am so sorry....if i could reach out and give you a huge hug, i would.
    Life is what you make of it. Make it happen.

  7. #7
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Thank you so much vautrin, luba, and star
    Everything you told me justifies how i am feeling right now. I know i'm better off and i lnow this is wrong but all im feeling right now is hate. How can anyone do this to a person. I try to avoid thinking about what happened but it just slips in my mind. I dont know how i could take away my anger towards him and his family its as if they disnt treat me like a person especially my baby, they didnt even feel sad or any signs of emotion. Ive been praying all my life but lately im loaing faith. All i have now is anger and pain. I cant get over it. Im sorry for being so hard headed.

  8. #8
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    I just wish my baby is still alive. I know before that it hurts to lose a child but nothin compares to losing your own. I was so ready to meet her and take care of her.

  9. #9
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Quote Originally Posted by Anewstoryforme View Post
    Thank you so much vautrin, luba, and star
    Everything you told me justifies how i am feeling right now. I know i'm better off and i lnow this is wrong but all im feeling right now is hate. How can anyone do this to a person. I try to avoid thinking about what happened but it just slips in my mind. I dont know how i could take away my anger towards him and his family its as if they disnt treat me like a person especially my baby, they didnt even feel sad or any signs of emotion. Ive been praying all my life but lately im loaing faith. All i have now is anger and pain. I cant get over it. Im sorry for being so hard headed.
    You're welcome.

    I think you are feeling such sorrow, especially in the loss of your baby. It's really hard to understand how people, especially the father and grandparents show no feeling.

    You need not apologize to us for feeling how you are feeling, as you say hard headed. You are in deep pain, try to feel compassion for yourself. You've been hurt badly, though I have to add that you ARE really better off without any of those people in your life. This is your chance to start anew once you grieve and get your feelings out here, in this very safe environment. If you want to share more the 'safe haven' here is a good place to do that.

    If you've had faith all your life, you will be getting it back. Perhaps it is still there but hidden behind the grief and despair at how you've been treated.

    My Heart goes out to you and so do my prayers.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  10. #10
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Quote Originally Posted by Anewstoryforme View Post
    I just wish my baby is still alive. I know before that it hurts to lose a child but nothin compares to losing your own. I was so ready to meet her and take care of her.
    We really never know why something as tragic as losing a baby happens. Perhaps you can still honour her in your own way to give you peace.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  11. #11
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    As difficult as it is come to accept, there are no real answers to why your baby died in the womb. There is probably nothing you could have done about it to change matters.

    It happened to the wife of a cousin of mine - twice. All tests were positive and suddenly no more heartbeat. As difficult as it is, don't hate yourself, don't chastise yourself for what happened.

    Most importantly give yourself some time to come to terms with your loss.
    Last edited by Vautrin; 05-29-2013 at 10:59 AM.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  12. #12
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Thank you so much guys. I talked to a psychologist/nun yesterday and i feel like a lot of load has been lifted, it really helps when you talk to a group of caring people like you guys here in lifesupporters and have someone who serves god to cry my heart out. All i have to deal with now is to wait it out, until i feel normal and accept the death of my child and my relationship. I'm going to a retreat house for inner healing soon. Maybe the day will come sooner when another person join this group and I can finally use my experience and help like you guys. I'm not saying that i'm okay now, i know i'll be crying and feeling all crazy the following days. I just need to take it a day at a time. Thank you so much guys.

  13. #13
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    No need to rush into anything, or set schedules for when you should be over this. Those things work counterproductive anyway. You can't know what life throws at you in the future, and it may well be something which allows you to use your painful experiences to the good.

    It is important that you don't spend every waking thought forever on what happened, because that would paralyze you. What may also help is to try and pay serious attention to other things you need to do in life. I know it will be hard at first, since your every second or third thought will be about what happened, and the loss of your child. Whether that is studying, work, or doing things in your community.

    Hope the inner healing retreat can help you a bit with getting your life back on track.

    Wishing you well.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  14. #14
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    And guys there's something that's been bothering me since we broke up. He's been posting pictures of diff men (explicit pictures) almost all of our common friends have been asking me what happened to us. I dont know if i should mind it but it really boyhers me, to a point that it hurts me even more. He has some intimacy issues before but i didn't think that the reason could be he's gay or bisexual or just not out of the closet yet. But i am really bothered, its because im aure im not over him and all i can do is to think about what happened because in my mind i know that he won't be back. It's just too mucch for me. Im not sure if knowing what it is that ended our relationship can help me or push me to even more depression.

  15. #15
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    He's never done this before, just after we broke up the pictures keep coming.

  16. #16
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    My friends think its funny especially my guy friends and they told me that i would move on faster because my ex might be gay but really, its the same. I've heard a lot od stories about having a bisexual boyfriend and i thought it would be easy for the girl to move on but it hurts the same meybe even more.

  17. #17
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    I'm sorry to hear it's just not getting better for you yet, Ansfm (I hope you don't mind that I shortened your user name in my replies).

    Thinking about him so much and what he is doing is going to keep you stuck in despair as he has moved on. If it's possible to divert your thoughts by keeping busy, enjoying something that you love doing, may help.

    I know it's not easy and I'm not trying to be matter-of-fact with the sadness you are going through. Just advising even a small start on doing something you love may help to heal, even if it's a few minutes at a time. Maybe meeting friends or relatives who love you will help. Taking walks in nature, reading a book, anything that will help you see that there is life beyond this man that has hurt you so badly. Seeing that you can again have good moments in your life will help you heal.

    Looking inward and seeing your own strengths will really help, as well as coming here and telling us about them.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  18. #18
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Facebook and social media are evil in these situations. Block yourself from accessing his pages. It will greatly help you retain your sanity and moving on.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  19. #19
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    My doctor says that i cant work and do stuff yet because of my condition till next month, so ive been feeling stuck. I do journals and spend time with family and friends. But my feelings keep coming back. Some days i feel okay and some i feel like crying all day. I just miss my baby and feel that she did not get the love ahe deserve esp from her father. My father left us when i was three and i feel bad for my baby cause we suffered the same situation.

  20. #20
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Its been a month now since i delivered my baby maybe this is why im feeling so down right now.

  21. #21
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Quote Originally Posted by Anewstoryforme View Post
    My doctor says that i cant work and do stuff yet because of my condition till next month, so ive been feeling stuck. I do journals and spend time with family and friends. But my feelings keep coming back. Some days i feel okay and some i feel like crying all day. I just miss my baby and feel that she did not get the love ahe deserve esp from her father. My father left us when i was three and i feel bad for my baby cause we suffered the same situation.
    Quote Originally Posted by Anewstoryforme View Post
    Its been a month now since i delivered my baby maybe this is why im feeling so down right now.
    You will be feeling grief and now with memories that your father left as well. I find it positive that you are writing in journals and spending time with family and friends. You are coming here where there is great caring for you, too, and sharing how you feel. In talking about how you are feeling and not bottling it up is good!

    Sending you a big hug from LubaYou are not alone.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  22. #22
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    A month is nothing. Really. You'll need to give yourself more time to deal with your loss, as well as the abandonment issues that resurfaced due to the behavior of that ass-hat of an ex.

    You also have to ward against too much thinking about this - hard to do, because when every thought or action reminds you of what has happened in the past few months, it can really sap your energy completely.

    That is why I'd strongly suggest not to bother one bit about getting to know what your ex is up to. It will accomplish nothing, and only drive the knife deeper into your heart. It is better to focus on yourself, your needs and to get your life on track again.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  23. #23
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Maybe time and my faith will be my only hope.

  24. #24
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    You will overcome this. Time is a wonderful thing.

    Have you thought of things to do, like taking up a sport or an interest, so that you can give yourself a bit of a break thinking back about the events of the past six months?
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  25. #25
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    Re: I have been abandoned during my darkest hours

    Not really, i have a lot of job offers but ive lost all interest. I cant make any commitment right now. I dont know what's stopping me. I can't really afford trying out a new sport, i stopped working and i almost drained out my savings because of the hospital bills. My ex never really gave any contribution financially even my meds.

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