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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
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    London, UK
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    104

    Friends acting odd...:?

    hi there guys

    never thought i'd ever need to write about friends here, but recently things have been odd between two of my most closest friends.

    they are a couple, guy and gil and we met whilst at art college way back in 1999. since then, we've been good friends, always meeting up, going to the cinema, hanging out in central london going to comic book conventions etc. the guy, dave(not real name) calls me his brother and the girl, jane (not her real name) calls me her big brother.

    they recently rented out a flat and invited me over a few times where we ate, watched movies, had fun. then last xmas i was there and gave them present and it was nice. january time i texted them saying shall we meet up as we usually met up every month or so. dave said no as he may need a back operation so i was like ok, man, i hope you get well. he also said he was short on cash. but then, for nearly 4 months no contact from either of them. jane usually would text or call me but nothing. dave then found out he didn't need an op and had only to undertake phsyio. i was happy and texted him. i also began noticing on facebook that they were going out, having fun (which is good!) going to the movies etc but still no contact. i then felt weird and very neglected. i only have a few friends, about 5 and thought we were close. i also began noticing that they were posting on facebook some of their art which in my own opinion don't think is strong. i stopped "liking" their work, but not all the time. not sure if this had any to do with it, doubt it. i then emailed dave and felt i needed to ask him if i had done anything to offend them that i was truly sorry. he told me that it was silly and all was fine. but no contact from jane. weird. also, neither of them texted me or anything when i was beginning my ta work, no words of good luck or anything similar when i was ill, which i felt was really odd.

    jane still hasn't contacted me, and recently i saw on facebook that they are having fun etc. they always said we should go away, hang out more. i feel that i'm being neglected and dave even said that he had lost many friends due to his health which in all honestly, i feel is a cop out judging by his activity on facebook. i feel like they don't want to be close friends as before and my instinct tells me that they are perhaps jealous of my illustration work. sounds off but this is what i feel. they are good people, absent minded though especially when we are together. they never seem to pay full attention to me when we hang out, or i show them my new work. when they speak to me or show me their sketchbooks, i give them 1001% of my attention. it makes me sad to see them acting this way. it's now been six months since we have seen eachother and they seem to be ok with that.

    my sister said they may just need space and i am ok with that, just feel really neglected as a true friend. and their words seem to be false when they call me their "brother" as it seems very empty and just a generic term.

    i have decided to let them make the move of meeting up as i always initiate this. i always try to organise a outing to a comicbook convention or something and they never really do.

    or am i being too sensitive? it feels odd

    bg

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Somewhere over the rainbow!
    Posts
    26,558

    Re: Friends acting odd...:?

    Hi bg, nice to see you again!

    I've had quite a few friends in my life, bg, and some have just fallen away. I used to wonder about it but don't anymore. I wondered if I had done or said something wrong, and realized it was a futile thing to do. Life happens, sometimes friends just fall away for whatever reason and new friendships form. The cycle of life I now call it and, if I realize I've not hurt someone who has 'moved on', I wish her the best in my mind and appreciate the ones I have and stayed with me through the years.

    You did ask if you had done something, and were told you didn't. I advise you to leave it at that for your own well being and peace. If you had done or said something, a true friend would have told you.

    You sound like a really nice person. Make some new friends by going out to places you like to go. There is always someone to strike up a conversation with, have some laughs, and before you know it you have a new acquaintance who can become a friend. Put yourself out there as a genuine, caring person and people see that and want to be around you.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    The Cloud of Unknowing
    Posts
    17,425

    Re: Friends acting odd...:?

    Really not much to add. People change, relationships change. That can be rather imperceptible. Friendships come and die. Sometimes with a bang, sometimes a fizzle.

    Really not much you can do about this one, as Luba said. Maybe time for you to form new friendships.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Wonderland
    Posts
    1,199

    Re: Friends acting odd...:?

    Greeting's bluegorilla!

    I can relate! As a matter of fact i have my own problem friend thread. I wish i had advice for you but i'm in the same kinda boat. I kinda felt ridiculous too having to post a thread about a friendship, but hey all relationships matter and are important and a friendship strain can hurt like a break up. My distant best friend still is acting distant yet like your's say's nothing is going on and like you i can't help but to think there is something underneath it all.... Hugs!
    " To thy own self be true..."

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    104

    Re: Friends acting odd...:?

    Hi Luba/Vautrin,

    Many thanks for your wise words, it makes sense now. I'll let it be and you know, seek new friends. Doesn't help that I am shy, but maybe this is a good thing. I'll always love them and will respect them for our good times.

    BridgieBridge - yes, it did feel weird writing about this one too! maybe there is something underneath it all, but I guess we can just be as compassionate and respectful as possible. It is a tough one though! Big hugs to you too, let us walk with a smile and fond memories!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Wonderland
    Posts
    1,199

    Re: Friends acting odd...:?

    que sera sera! Whatever will be will be!
    " To thy own self be true..."

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    104

    Re: Friends acting odd...:?

    hello there guys

    i hope that you all are doing well.

    just an update, i told my friends what was on my mind and we will be hangin out next week, they want me to stay over for the weekend and hang out. then in december they want me to join them to a trip to paris for one of their birthday's. so it seems like it'll all be ok it's amazing what honesty and talking can bring about.

    thank you all

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    Wonderland
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    Re: Friends acting odd...:?

    Nice to see you bluegorilla! Glad to hear everything is going better for you with your friends!
    " To thy own self be true..."

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    104

    Re: Friends acting odd...:?

    thank you bridgiebridge!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Wonderland
    Posts
    1,199

    Re: Friends acting odd...:?

    Your welcome!
    " To thy own self be true..."

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