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  1. #26
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    hello there ayla

    thank you for your kind words too

    yes, al of you guys have done a wonderful job so far with so much good advice and point of views. it is such a help

    she touched me once on the elbow, then it's the usual hands that accidently touch eachother when passing papers etc. she ALWAYS looks into my eyes, at timesi get a wee bit intimidated and look away, but all the time it's a very deep, look. and she smiles when she does so, her eyes become wide, she becomes very animated and excited and nodds a lot. no, i haven't suggested a "just as friends outing" yet, it maybe possible.

    thank you for that i need to become a little braver and my gut instinct is telling me that something must be done. i guess, as all things, i'll have to wait for the perfect moment to make my movei, making sure its not overpowering or awkward. i was thinking of asking her at the end of xmas term, saying like, if she wanted to hang out or see a movie or so during the xmas break??

    i wouldn't be ok with it, it would make me hurt more! the 'what if' feeling would be awful:!

  2. #27
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    Quote Originally Posted by bluegorilla View Post
    hi there luba

    so very lovely to hear from you
    i'm glad you've enjoyed this thread, it is a very beautiful thing that is happening, even if it amounts to nothing. and the replies have been such a source of help.

    really great thing. i always end the day with a bye bye and get a laugh out of her, if i make some joke or some quirky observation. it IS lovely!
    Hey bg, Just enjoy all that is happening! You sound like one heck of a nice, awesome, fun guy with a great sense of humour! Fab-u-lous!

    I think we all tend to overthink things, especially if something is going along almost miraculously, magically, and oh so beautifully! Then, if we've been hurt in the past, like we ALL have, we think we don't deserve to be happy and enjoy what is beautiful! Looking at that last sentence, that's like a punishment we bestow to ourselves because of the negativity of a LOT of people in the past! We're not being fair or loving to ourselves when we let those kinds of thoughts seep in! It took me a long time to tell my mind just to 'shut up' when those kinds of thoughts decide to make their way into what I've practiced on making a beautiful mind! I automatically now go into a meditative mantra just to shut out the negativity people have TRIED to instill in me which doesn't work anymore! It works just beautifully and I get back to Cloud Nine!



    ah, thank you so, so much for those kind words, it made be really happy i will do this, take it easy and not over-think.
    With years of negativity strewn around, people seem to find it's how they deserve to live. Nothing further from the truth! What I've picked up from your posts since you joined here, bg, is that you are a solid and one heck of a guy, I repeat that from above! LOVE the sense of humour, anyone with that has my vote immediately!


    it's her birthday on wednesday and i was thinking of making a card and getting all the children to sign it for her, would that be a good idea? i don't work there on wednesday's so it'd be a surprise for her. i think it would be ok...?
    Yes, it's not only okay, it's fabulous, too!
    I have painted several cards for my friends and while doing so, I take in the lovely memories of their friendship while painting, and I swear that the painting takes on a life of it's own because love is added! Something so magical about it, really! My friends comment on cards I've painted quite awhile ago and how much it meant to them. So yes, put your heart while making the card and get busy! Watch her reaction when you give it to her, that may help you find out how she feels! Tell her you loved doing it, too, if you feel that she is taking it in that way. Whatever works for you, trust yourself that you will know what to do when the moment arrives. Sometimes we overthink prior to the moment how it's supposed to go and then the moment comes and some how it's not how we pictured it. If you can, don't picture it, just throw yourself into the moment when it happens, it will turn out exactly how it's supposed to and you will see how precious that is! No matter what, it will make it a joyous experience for you and maybe humbly teach yourself what a good, kind, awesome person you really are!

    thank you so, so much luba, you rock
    Thank you, bg, you rock, too!
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  3. #28
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    Quote Originally Posted by bluegorilla View Post


    she touched me once on the elbow, then it's the usual hands that accidently touch eachother when passing papers etc. she ALWAYS looks into my eyes, at timesi get a wee bit intimidated and look away, but all the time it's a very deep, look. and she smiles when she does so, her eyes become wide, she becomes very animated and excited and nodds a lot. no, i haven't suggested a "just as friends outing" yet, it maybe possible.
    Look deep into her eyes, too, bg. Eye contact is obviously important to her and a lot of people don't know how to do that, and look away from all kinds of negative feelings that crop up. I love looking into people's eyes, I swear that is when they are the most true of who they are! I totally believe that the 'eyes are the windows to the soul' as the saying goes, and when one looks away, you kind of have to wonder why...I don't know, maybe that's just me!

    i need to become a little braver and my gut instinct is telling me that something must be done. i guess, as all things, i'll have to wait for the perfect moment to make my movei, making sure its not overpowering or awkward. i was thinking of asking her at the end of xmas term, saying like, if she wanted to hang out or see a movie or so during the xmas break??
    I don't like to say this, but is there ever a perfect moment? Why don't we just go with the flow and see what happens? Could it be that we are afraid what we built up into our mind may go south quickly and just change the real beauty of what is going on now? Why does anything have to be rushed? Why don't we just enjoy this present moment and bask in the glory of that, and really, really live each precious moment?

    If it's my own doubt seeping in, I'm never afraid to ask questions as the saying also goes 'there are no dumb questions'. Maybe if it was me, I would just enjoy the friendship/co-worker thing first, find out more about where she/he is at in gentle conversation before 'making a move' as it were.

    i wouldn't be ok with it, it would make me hurt more! the 'what if' feeling would be awful:!
    I say give yourself a break, bg, back off for a bit about asking her out is my advice. I'm only saying that because I care and your feelings are running high right now, especially overthinking that things may go south and you may be very hurt in the process. The thing is, you've been hurt in the past, survived, still standing, and a better man for all you've been through. When you realize that you will be able to handle whatever happens, then you may be ready for the next step. I think the card is a great idea though.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  4. #29
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    hi luba


    i will need tomorrow to fully write out my appreciation and thanks for your emails!

    i just wanted to fill you in in what's happened these past two days.
    i went into school yesterday positive and in the mind set that i was and am truly grateful to be part of her life, no matter what and to live in the moment and to not over-think or so.

    i saw her in the classroom and was my jolly old self. she immediately become full of beans and greeted me too. i asked her how it was and she said it was good and that was about it. i didn't get any weird vibes or so. i think it may be safe to say that there may still be a chance for me.

    we then had assembly and it's my duty to watch over the children in my class and make sure that they're not doing anything silly and are paying attention. i stood there, as bold as love and as stern as a captain, scouring the sea of little people, making sure that they were all singing and not eating their coats or anything else.

    around ten minutes before assembly ended, she came up and stood next to me. i sensed that someone was there but didn't regards them as i though it wasn't her and so, well, best keep quiet. i then hear some odd coughing noises, and such and turn and it's her! i asked her if she was ok and she seemed embarrassed and said to me, which i thought at the time was a lame excuse, that she was laughing at the children. could it be that she wanted to get my attention? we usually exchange glances and smiles and this time i didn't.

    throughout the day i made her laugh - big laughs, she throws her head back, goes red faced, eyes closed and it is a joy to watch. even the silliest thing i say or comment on, she laughs.

    lunchtime and it's me and her. we chat and then the other teacher comes over. i finish my lunch and excuse myself as i've made her a card for her birthday tomorrow! i drew a wee picture and made the card and envelope. i then went out and managed to get all 26 of my five year olds to "secretly" sign the card and not to mention a single word! it didn't bother me that i was doing this on my lunch break as i think she deserves it. she does so much for the children and it felt so good. four of my children were sick so they still need to sign her card. i get back and before we know it, the children are back in the classroom.
    during the afternoon, i'm working with some low learners and she comes up to me, and waits patiently as i finish some reading work with a young girl. excitedly, she tells me that the displays around the class room are all perfect and we don't need any more (we had a flyby visit by the head of art you see.) i'm over the moon as she done most of them and i high five her. she high five's back and seems to grasp my hand. for a split second, it was like 'wow." trying not read into it though.

    today and i notice that the other teacher and her ta now look and me and my teacher in a weird way even more. like "they together? they should be, or they are cute."

    we have a safety demonstration for the children and she's called in to be a volunteer in the play. she looks at me firstly and smiles and looks embarrassed. lunch time and i again, eat my lunch quickly. i speed off to find those four remaining children and get them to sing the card (i forgot to the sigh the card though!!!! ) i get back to the class room and i hope to god she doesn't know or so because as i'm putting the card away, it's out of sigh, she comes in and look at me and says "you ok?!" in a surprised voice! i tell her yehp, i'm fine just had to do some copies. afternoon, literacy and again, i make her laugh like crazy. i meet my colleague who works tomorrow - as i don't and explain to her that i've left the card hidden, it's all signed (not by me though, doh!) and she can sign it too if she wants. i tell my colleague that best to give the card in the mid morning and my colleagues agrees. this way, she thinks no one knows it's her birthday and it'll be a HUGE surprise to her when she's presented with a card signed by all our 5 year olds. i hope it will make her smile and feel loved, i think it will.
    i end up staying a half hour late today, helping her stick work sheets in the books. we chat and more laughter on her side and mine. i then tell her that i wish her a wonderful birthday and is she doing anything tomorrow. with deep, sad sullen eyes she says no. i guess if she had someone, she woudl say, it just makes sense. all this time we are looking into each-other's eyes. she's like a beautiful piece of music, you want to hear it all the time and can fell so good. i then tell her to relax in the evening tomorrow, and i hope that children treat her well tomorrow - knowing that she will have a lovely surprise from them! i go and see her at the office and wish her again, a lovely birthday tomorrow and we smile and she looks embarrassed.
    i don't work wednesday's there so the next time i'll see her will be thursday.
    i hope she has a lovely day tomorrow, even though she'll be working at school. i hope the card makes her feel even more loved, i know the children will. i hope she can maybe see that i care for her much and the card and the surprise was for her happiness. i think she will and i think the other teacher will see this too. i hope she smiles all day, even when she's smiling. i hope.

    -bg.
    Last edited by bluegorilla; 11-19-2013 at 07:40 PM. Reason: forgot bit.

  5. #30
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    bg, I LOVE reading your posts! A person reading can pick up those beautiful vibes you send on how much you care for her, and all that you do! She does sound totally appreciative of everything you do and, IMHO, really likes to be around you! You bring SO much Joy to her that it constantly resonates in laughter! That's ab-so-lu-te-ly awesome!

    SO happy to hear about your card and the wee ones signing it, that just warms my heart SO much! Did I understand correctly that you won't be there tomorrow to see how she reacts when she receives the card? It would have been SO wonderful to see her reaction first hand. If you aren't there, I hope you do find out just how deeply touched she will be!
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  6. #31
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    Greetings BG!

    I agree with Luba, it's wonderful to read your post! You have a wonderful energy! I bet you are really good with the kids!!!!! I love that you put together a bday card for her and had all the little one's sign it. Silly you though for not!!!!!!!! None the less i'm sure it will make her day! She will probably be full of smiles, but a shame you will not be there, bc then she really would have that many more! As Luba said, i hope she or someone tell's you all about it so we can hear about it too!
    " To thy own self be true..."

  7. #32
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    hi there guys

    well, figured i'd write about the aftermath!
    i came into school today and saw her in the classroom, she immeditatly thanked me for the card, she seemed maybe a wee bit embarrassed but she had a huge smile on her face. i apologiesd about not signing it and she said that it was ok and that she knew it was from me by the drawing and the card. it was a lovely begining to the morning. it was also a shock as her voice was going - she had a sore throat and the shouting hadn't helped. she sounded like a sqwaeaky chipmunk! we had a good day, i helped her out and got things done, i asked her if she wanted a break many times or if she wanted some water. she looked at me really grateful and touched my elbow and said that she was fine. the day was good and i made her laugh at story time. we had the normal, deep, eye contact whilst we spoke. at lunch time i showed her a drawing i was doing and she became so very excited, it was wonderful. she said that she'd want a copy of the drawing, not asking but saying, in a cute type of voice ' i want a copy!". she then told me she showed her mum one of my drawings as they skype. i at the end of the day we made sure the children went home safely, stood there. after, i was getting ready to go home i made sure the classroom was tidy and neat. i always do this, i don't want her to get worried or stressed about a messy classroom. i am in awe as to how teachers manage organised chaos. i ran into her and she told me that some of her afterschool club children teased her that she sounded like a squeaky chipmunk! i giggled and then she asked me how my club was and i couldn't help it, but i began to talk in a sqweaky voice, poking fun at her. she bloomed red and smiled and ran off into the room, laughing! i apologised and she was of course fine with it. i think it was a nice touch that. we chatted and then i told her that if she needed to not come in tomorrow, and rest her throat, that it'd be fine with me, as it's important that she gets better. she smiled and said she'd be in. i told her to make sure she drinks some honey in warm water and she agreed. i wished her good bye and left, smiling and happy. i am grateful to share these moments with her and am happy.

    next week i won't see her for two days but will see her on wednesday evening as we have a school play.

    i plan to maybe take her in a jar of honey tomorrow, i think that'd be ok. a kind gesture.

  8. #33
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    As I've said before, I LOVE this thread, it brings such warmth and caring in it that I'm glued to every word!
    I'm not surprised this lovely woman loved the card and knew right away it was from you!
    I think the jar of honey is such a lovely idea, such a caring thought, bg!
    I check in, and when I see an update, I'm right here reading every word with a big smile!
    You could teach a lot of people about real caring, bg! I can't help but think a man like you will find everlasting happiness!
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  9. #34
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    i'm glad you can feel the warmth, care and genuine good vibes luba

    well, i gave her the honey - i made some resources at home and got her to close her eyes and handed them to her. she loved them - as so did the children. i then said the honey was a belated birthday present and she looked a wee bit embarrassed but grateful indeed. the day went well and we had our usual smiles and glances. her throat was still scratchy but she was wonderful. we had our staff meeting and i was stood in the door way, leaning up. she was outside the door and gave some money to a fellow teacher who grabs lunch for us on fridays. she could have stayed outside there but made it her way to come back and stand next to me in the door way. it may have been a sign or nothing, but it felt good. at the end of the day i wish her a lovely weekend and she gives me a chocolate - another ta, a lady ta, gave her some chocolates for her birthday. she gave me one and said i had deserved it. it was a sweet gesture from her. i wished her a good weekend, and i go.

    today was neat, i saw her in the morning as per usual, say at her desk. i took some tme to come in and did notice that she seemed to be waiting for me to appear through the door. we chatted, made her laugh some more. we have a pretty busy day and the eye contact seems to be getting more intense, in a good way. she had to shout a wee bit today and i told her, frankly that if she needed to have a break or so that it is fine by me, not a problem. she looked at me, looking really appreciative and lovely and said that she was ok. she is a very strong person. i noticed some more "clicks" if you will, maybe possible signs that she is interested even more - stretching suggestively in front of me (nothing lewd!) and playing with hair. she asked me how iwas and she also asked how my mum was - i had told her that my mum had the cold and was poorly. it was very nice of her to ask i thought, very caring. end of day and she told me to go home as there was nothing to do, and to get warm. i told her the same, to stay warm in the cold and she smiled and laughed, it was a nice moment in time and i am so grateful.

  10. #35
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    I LOVE the gentle, caring, relaxing way this is all happening! The 'no pressure' part the way you both are handling this friendship is just beautiful, IMHO! The nicest relationships start with friendships, I believe! Just SO heartwarming to read!
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  11. #36
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    hey guys,

    well, i don't work wednesday's but i did tell her (we also had a wee discussion about it) that i'd be there to help out for the school play on wednesday evening. i told her on the tuesday that i'd see her this friday as i will be on a course on thursday. kinda forgot about the school play! but, wednesday i did remember and got ready and made my way to the school. i was a few minutes late, but the parents were just about to enter the school. i managed to get in and they had placed teachers on the stairwells to help guide the parents to the school hall. i walked up and the second flight of stairs she was there, standing, smiling, amazing after such a long hard day's work. we laughed at each other and i told her that i almost forgot about tonight and she seemed really glad that i was there. i made my way to the hall and asked a the head's pa what she wanted me to do. she told me to just stand on the side, enjoy the show and keep an eye on the kids/parents. so i stood there and some of my class whizzed past me and greeted me looking excited! they may be five but they are so very clever! they asked me how come i wasn't in today and it was good to see me!

    the play started and all the chairs were full. there was space at the back and most of the teachers were standing there. i was on the side standing with two teachers. i then notice her walk past me and stand a foot away from me! she could have just stayed at the back but she chose to come and stand next to me. it was probably nothing, but then i spoke to her and we were standing close to each other and she looked very happy to finally see me and she looked a wee bit red in the cheeks and just happy to see me. we spoke about the day and how it was, me asking her "how were the kids?!" the town mayor was there too and he looks like a rather funny old chap. she made a joke about him and so did i and she was laughing that golden laugh, trying to keep it as quiet as possible. she stood there, right next to me for the entirety of the play. we spoke and joked more and it was really lovely. when the play ended, all staff had to help put the chairs and benches away. i done so and then noticed she was moving the benches, mats and helped her out. we then had finsihed and i wished her a good night - it had been a long day for her and i told her to relax and rest and that i'd be back in on friday (tomorrow.) we said our byes as there was another teacher there - her teacher "buddy" whom i'm pretty certain of knows or senses something. they are both from the same country so they must chat i guess. tomorrow i'll see her and then i'll be away for a short break to paris with two good friends of mine. i'll not see her until thursday and i will miss her company. i was thinking of asking her is she would like something from paris. woudl that be too much? another friend of mine said it would be lovely to ask her.

    stay well bg.

  12. #37
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    Again, I take in every word slowly just to register the loveliness of it all, bg!

    I would, very definitely, ask her if she would like something from Paris! I believe she would be very touched as I would be!
    What a lovely idea, bg!

    Have a GREAT trip to Paris, and want to hear all about that, too!
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  13. #38
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    hi luba

    it's great you feel that way, it is such a good realise writing here!
    today was nice, i saw her, elise (not her real name but one of my favourite names as it's from the amazingly moving film, 'somewhere in time') in the classroom and said hello to her. her eyes lit up and she smiled back and said hello. we chatted and i asked her how it was yesterday without me. she said it was ok but the children were mad!
    we laughed a lot and the ta from next door ( a woman) barged in and said "right! what's going on here?!" as if it was something else which got me thinking maybe they talk or have noticed things?. me and the other ta then had to go and get some materials but when i got back the morning meeting had begun. i stood next to her and then, i stayed in the class for a while. she told me that she was going out to get the kids. i came with her as i needed to talk to one of the parents.
    one of the children wanted to give me a furby toy, but i thought it was too much and told her it was a lovely thought but not for me, maybe for ms. elise. elise smiled and me and had eyes wide open as she had already had a furby from this child and now had two! i told her that "you're sooo lucky elise!" and she laughed and went red in the face!
    we brought the kids in and had a talk about death as our goldfish died. it was wonderful watching her explaining death, her gentle nature and her warmth. i tried not to stare at her as it felt like i hadn't seen her forever, but i did smile to myslef at her natural beauty, the way strands of brown hair just dangle from the sides of her face, her fine eyes and her cheeky smile.

    we had our lessons, and then break time. elise and i were on duty and she came up to me and said that she'd be back as she had to go to the bathroom. on her way back she picked up some chocolates for her and i! it was a wee thank you from the head for our work on the play. elise came over to me and gave me the choccies. i thought it was a lovely gesture and i took them with a smile. it made me feel that she did think of me in some ways.

    we had lunch and it was very quick as i had to do some copies. i had some blueberries and offered her some but she said no. afternoon was busy, friday's always are. once the children had left, i had to sort a few things out, put some materials away, books etc. as i was doing it, elise was sat at her desk. i asked her if she had anything planned for the weekend and she said no, but tonight she was going out to see a comedian. she didn't say with who or anything, so that felt abit odd. she did say that she'd booked it a few months back. i then went about my work and was ready to go. i had some print outs for some children that needed to be given whilst i was away. i waited in the class room and the teacher next door said that elise was doing some cutting in the other building. i decided to go and found her there. she looked great, as always. there was another teacher there who left. i showed elise what the copies were and we laughed some more. i then asked her if she wanted anything from paris. she went red and said no, nothing. she was grateful and touched i think. i told her maybe some snails and she bursted out laughing and said i better not. she then said all that she wanted was her ta (me) back in one piece. that was lovely i thought. another teacher came by and maybe saw this banter. i told elise that if i see anything i'll bring her something. i then said bye to her and man, my heart feels heavy i know i'm being silly, but day by day the feelings grow and as our smiles multiply, so does the warmth between us.

    it would be so lovely to be with her and part of her life and man, just be with her. i know i must really be strong here. the next few days will be a challenge, but i must be so strong. one of my friends did say there are more fish in the sea and i try to remember this. just a wee bit hard when you have so much contact with someone and are in essence, with them for most of the day. i'd be lying if i said i didn't dream of her. one dream i had we kissed and in another, last night, i was saying bye to her and she touched my arm. it is all good at the end of the time, no matter what may become of it. just grateful for her, so much.

  14. #39
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    I want to repeat what i said before and Luba say's and really emphasis it that i 100% really love and adore this thread and you BG! I too smile when reading this, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy, and the story sucks me right in! When i read i visualize all this too, lol, like a lil movie, but i am able to get such great understanding, bc you BG portray this so lovely! I am most certain, she does, appreciate, adore and respect you, no matter what may come this time is a blessing! I am also most certain if the worst was the worst here in this scenario, i am so sure you are one to be caught my friend! That heart of your's is beautiful! It's unique these day's to find such character, such a caring and raw heart and soul! So blessed be you! Thanks so much for being so open and sharing with us! I'm sure while in Paris that right thing will jump out at you for you to get for her! I can't help but imagine that Paris should have something for any girl! I do hope you have a great time with your friends! Sure do wish i could jump in your suitcase! ( Don't mind me, i just really need a vacation! )

    By the way that is really cool the kid wanted to give you a furby! I bet you are great with the kiddo's! Me thinks though you should have kept it! The kid wanted to give it to you!!!! Plus as you said she already had one, so one for you, one for her, and your furbys could be friends!
    " To thy own self be true..."

  15. #40
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    well, paris was fun. i was with my best friends, and we had a lovely time. it was cold, bitingly cold. we ate and went on adventures. saw many lovely things and then hand in hand, literally, loved up couples. made me think of elise, but i tried no to let my mind wander too far. i ended up buying her some specially mixed tea.

    i got back in school today and wandered into the classroom. elise was sat at her desk and i came in and "bonjoured" her. she was happy to see me. she told me that it was pretty hairy without me and the children were a bit craZY. i then gave her the bag with the tea in it and the ta from the other class came in. she must have seen me give elise the tea. elise was happy and looked surprised. we chatted and she hung the bag behind the door. during the day we chatted here and there and exchanged glances and smiles about the children and such. one child was crying because of some colouring in and she sat the child on her lap and helped me. she turned around to look at me as i was on 'pencil sharpening duty'. she looked beautiful and she gave me a smile. my heart sank. during the afternoon then she made some jokes and laughed, hiding behind a book as she looked at me. she was reading to the children and quickly put up the book as to hide her laughing. it was sweet.
    i finished up for the end of the day and took my after school class. elise came in quietly about ten minutes before it ended. i knew she was there and turned around, she was at at the table marking and we smiled and chatted. after i walked back in and asked her of she needed anything else. she looked very tired and said no and i left, wishing her a good evening.

    i felt a little dishevelled, not sure why. i felt silly in thinking that she would be interested in me at all. call it self doubt. i thoughtn she may say something about the gift, maybe because she was tired, because there was a cleaner in the class, or maybe just nothing. two more weeks before xmas holiday and i am trying not to think too much. it is very hard at the best of times and man, very weird of a feeling. but, i go in everyday to be the best ta for her as i can and make her job that wee bit more easier.

  16. #41
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    yesterday was a lovely day, full of much laughter that actually happened at the end of the school day. i was helping elise tidy up for monday and was making her laugh. during the day the children did ask her about christmas again and again, she replied that she was alone. made me think. she laughed really, really loudly and that was pretty good! we were talking about a film, harvey, and how i was planning on jogging in the morning with harvey. she said i was a but mad and i replied something like "great! nice compliment(!)" as she was teasing me. she replied with something like "it's all love!" which was a wee bit of a shock and there was a weird little silience but not an awkward one. was it something she unintentionally came out with or a warm comment that seemed just right? trying not to look too much into it, but then we said our goodbyes, me telling her to relax over the weekend as it had been a busy week. a good day full of laughter, smiles, eye contact and conversations. i did go about in my mind trying to visualise the exact moment when/if i ask her out, very casually with no pressure if she'd like to hang out over the festive break.

  17. #42
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    bg, forgive me, I'm going a bit off-topic here to tell you exactly what your thread does.
    When I check in at Lifesupporters I ALWAYS check to see if you added more or someone else added more for you. If there are more posts since I last visited, I catch myself already smiling as I click on the posts since I last added my opinion! It's SUCH a happy thread to read!

    -------------

    Enough about myself:

    bg, you are a very, very, very, very, very, very kind and caring man! I LOVE your sense of humour and I LOVE how you two laugh together! That, for me, is the biggest secret of leading a joyful life as most people are just too darn serious about themselves and everything else. Oh I know life throws us curve balls from time-to-time but a lot of the curve balls we throw at ourselves which is really sad to add to other things we have no control over.

    You both are enjoying a great friendship as well as a great work team, how awesome is that? How many people can actually say that about both? Not many IMHO.

    I think it was a lovely gift that you bought for her in France. Very thoughtful! If there were more kind, gentle, caring people like you this would be a magical and beautiful world!

    I have to add that I think everyone is pure magic, wonder and awe but things happen in their world where they forget that and get down on themselves. Whether from putdowns in childhood, being bullied, or being thought unworthy most of us lose the magic, beauty and wonder of how precious we all are, I humbly say. You are helping all humanity by YOUR magic and awesomeness!
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  18. #43
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    hi luba,

    no worries

    ah, thanks for the kind words, but i'm just being myself! it makes me smile that yes, we seem to laugh a lot, and i think it's the most i've laughed and caused a female to laugh, ever.

    elise had a second teaching observation today after the first one didn't go so well.
    The observation today also didn't go as planned sadly. I got in at around 8am and helped Elise prepare everything and we were pretty determined that it would be fine. We were doing literacy and writing an acrostic poem. It went well but after the head and deputy head went (after 20 mins.), Elise was called out for her feedback. I didn't see her until I was taking the kids out for break and she had watery eyes. I felt so sad. She put on a brave face. I let the kids go and then went back in and elise was sat in the classroom, she must have just finished crying. i really wanted to hug her. she quickly got up and wiped her tears. iI spoke with her and found out that the head and deputy thought the concept was too difficult for the children. Everything else was perfect. I tried to inject some positive vibes and managed to make her laugh and even though i wanted to hug her, it felt maybe too much perhaps, put i gently cupped her elbow and told her it woudl be fine. "Onwards and upwards" were my words. She said they wont put it on her record but would like to just see her teach a lesson one time. We lunched and I made her laugh and kept things positive. i made her laugh again, a lot. In the afternoon she was pretty drained. we took the children out for play and she asked me something that i thought was very caring, even if it didn;t mean anything, but just as a wonderful human being. she had already worn her coat, as to did the children and i was just wearing my jumper. she asked me "are you going to wear your jacket?" and i looked at her and said yes. t was a lovely thought if nothing. london in the winter is bitingly cold. we played with the childeren outside - fiver year olds are heavy man! I ended up staying after school and helping her. i alsways tend to. i asked her if she needed me to do anything, i told her i want to and she looked at me and said there were some books that needed marking. so, I marked about 20 books for her and tried to ease of the pressure and stress of the day. I told her that she had got these kids much further than they were when they started and that she was amazing. I also told her to watch a funny film in the evening at home, relax and laugh, it will help. I believe in her and know she's an amazing teacher. The only reason why the head is being so silly(yehp) is because of last week's surprise school edcuation visit. They said the school was underacheiving and the head had this pressure and it's trickling all the way down.

    elise is one of those young teachers that cares for her children, both educationally and emotionally. she's the teacher you'd remember. i feel so happy to be with her and i will write and say this again and again.

    i wanted to give her a small laughing buddha statue of mine to keep with her at her desk to brighten up her day or so. is that too much after the tea?

    my plan to ask her out should materialize next week, friday....

  19. #44
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    well, today was a good day. i went in to school, i usually don't work on wednesdays, but wanted to go in. for one, the children were really wanting to have lunch with me and secondly. i wanted to be near elise. i feel sad, lonely when i'm not near her which at times is a lovely feeling, but when you're trying to remain realistic, it feels like a single razor cut to your skin. i went in and saw elise. she looked radiant. very beautiful and elegant, she made an effort to look smart. also it was parents evening tonight. i brought a burgandy jumper. i felt good. we chatted in the morning, and helped her get some resources for the afternoon's hat making. once the children came we had our wednesday morning assembley. i stood watch over our army of 5 year olds, making sure they behanved and were good. about 5 minutes before it ended, elise came in and sat on the side of the stage. i saw her and continued to watch over my class. from the corner of my eye it seemed like she was watching me, and then watching over the class. i had the feeling of being watched which felt odd, but was glad it was her, if she was. we then took the children back to the class room through the cold foggy london air and began the xmas hat making. the children were mad, but it was good fun. we had break and then back to the hat making. i sat next to elise and made a joke about being the gluer or something and she laughed a giggle. we tend to share jokes and it makes my world to see her laugh. it is such a joy to see such a wonderful woman laugh, something i appreciate so much now. it is like the magic of life, all wrapped up in a smile that says so much and means everything. we had to hurry up as the children had lunch soon. we got them to tidy up and i noticed elise was sweeping up. i swiftly went up to her and asked if i coudl do it - i didn;t want her to do that. she looked surprised, but happy and she gave me the broom. after i went out to put the broom away and came back in the class room. i stood at the doorway and she was stood there too. she peered over and began dusting off my shoulder - it must have been full of glitter. it was a lovely gesture ann touching maybe a sign? i was happy and i think the other ta in the room saw this, no doubt the children picked up on it. they are such an intelligent bunch, you can see it in their crafty little eyes! i then joked it was special dandruff and she giggled once again! we then took the children out for lunch and i ended up lunching with some kids on another table whilst elise was sat opposite. she was looking for me as i was at the back of the line with the children, making sure they were behaving. after we made sure the children were ready and done some book changes. after we took the kis out. i stood with her making sure the children were safely let go with their folks. i noticed one of our students, a very cute little 5 year old boy who is both mine and elises favourite. we both turned to look at eachother and asked if we saw him and we began to laugh! the other ta from the other class i think saw us do this, heck, i know that she notices things like this. after i was working on some displays and elise was with parents. she came in a few times and stood near me and watched me work and chatted with the other ta's working. i then had to go and saw elise outside the classroom. i explained that i wanted to grab my jacket from the class room and would finish up tomorrow. she said it was fine and she had to go to the toilet. i wanted to wait around to say bye, but i thought it may be look weird. i wish i did saty and say bye, it would maybe not be weird. tomorrow i'll be back with her and am thinking that to give her some popcorn and a movie on my usb drive to watch on the weekend as she needs to relax and put the begining of the week behind her. the movie is harvey! would that be weird??? or too much?

  20. #45
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    bg, you should do what your Heart tells you as you have a kind, good, and loving heart. With the person you are, I believe you will have a very good life, an inspiring one as your thread points to. It's really great to have 'met' you!
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  21. #46
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    Thanks Luba, I will follow my heart and see what happens. I"ll keep you posted

  22. #47
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    I have nothing much to add, but I am really rooting that things work out for you bluegorrila!

    You sound lovely in describing what is going on, though maybe you should try and see if you could watch that movie together? Watching a movie is as much about the movie as it is about the company.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  23. #48
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    thank you vautrin, i really appreciate the good vibes. today we chatted and laughed and again today she was playing with the kids and had that golden aura look, she just looked sublime. she watched the movie over the weekend, i asked her today and she smiled about it. if i muster up the courage and the opportunity is there i will ask her out for a meal and maybe the next one a movie. right now the heart is calling and the mind is trying to reason. love really is a crazy thing

  24. #49
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    well, tomorrow is the day that i muster up the courage and ask elise out. i'm nervous but don;t want it to be awkward. jeez :S

  25. #50
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    it didn't happen and i just feel like a fool. i gave her a present in the morning and she gave me a card. we had are usual laughs and such. in the afternoon we watched 'up' with the class and she cried and must have felt like she was missing home (elise comes from europe.) she spent the afternoon colouring in whilst i watched the class. she was very tired too. after school, we let the kids go and she seemed ok, and wanted to just leave, which made sense as she'd had a rather crazy two weeks. i found out yesterday that a parent made her cry on wednesday saying that she treated her son badly in class. we said bye to the other teacher and ta , both females who hugged me. i said bye to elise outside the school - i wanted to do it in the class as i thought it's be more private. she said bye and thanks and that was it. she didnt hug me or anything. maybe becuase she may have thought it's be too much? i did notice the other teacher and ta were looking at me and elise as we walked out of the school and our of the playground. did they feel or think something? i feel like a fool. if she did like me more or so would she have hugged me? would she have asked me out? i don't know. i just feel like a fool who thought a 23 year old woman would be interested in a 34 year old man. maybe not. i'll see her again on the 2nd jan when we go back to school. i will cry, i will cry more and feel sorry but i will try and be strong. the man who can be with her and make her laugh as i did is a lucky man. the luckiest.

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