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  1. #51
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    Hi, bg, I'm piping in for a moment or two to try and make you feel better! Please let what didn't happen spoil your holidays as it very well could if you overthink it. You don't need to feel like a fool, you've done nothing wrong that I could see. Maybe with the parent coming down on her, that is really bothering her, as it would me. Sometimes parents just don't understand why a teacher has to 'talk' to a child and only taking the child's explanation. I don't know much about the situation, but I believe the parent should have talked with elise as two adults instead of making her cry.
    Do you have email to keep in touch with her, or her phone number? If you do, it might help her to call her during the holidays to see how she is doing? If you do, and can gently persuade her to talk about it and help her to feel better about things so her holiday goes well, too?
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  2. #52
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    morning luba, and thank you very much for your reply.

    i'll try not to let this spoil my break, i guess it's just a very normal feeling to have, feeling like this after so much that has happened. uergh yes, the demon that is overthinkous-morous is the culprit. damn him! yesterday i felt really crap, i felt like i was a fool and such. you're right, i've done nothing wrong. i think i was maybe expecting too much perhaps. these two weeks have been pretty hairy for elise, and the parent complaining to her was most probably the thing that got to her. i think it did when she told me about it. i was very angry and annoyed at the parent as she said that i was much more approachable than elise. to be honest, i thought i would get a talk as i tend to tell the child of more than elise. i told elise that i was annoyed and angry. she was just soo exhausted yesterday. assembly time she stood next to me again and i spoke to her and she gave me this wonderful look. it could almost as if we were a couple sharing a moment waking up in the early morning. i have her work email, that is all, but i doubt she'd even check that. she may do so next week when we go back but i'm not too sure i should email her. she seemed fine when we said bye, she just looked like she wanted to go home and have nothing to do with the school for a time and relax.
    i gave her a christmas present in the morning and the other ta had come in to use the pc. elise loved her present.

    from a woman's point of view, do my actions (the gifts, the kind words, the gestures, my actions etc.) shout out that i like her? my female friends say they do.

    part of me is sad that she'll be alone this christmas. part of me wants to email her work email but that may back fire. part of me wants to leave the school and elise and find a new school. part of me wants to stay, and see if a better opportunity arises. the most part of me is happy to have spent time with her. part of me wishes she'd text me and ask if we could meet for a coffee. i feel that i'm probably the one person she's spent the most amount of time with in one day since september. i'm feeling better today, thinkign things out, i'll meditate and try and quieten my mind and see things properly. i'm very grateful for your support and kind words through these waters of romance and the tides of emotion. this is life and it is like this, even for a gonzo like me. i try to keep my humour up at all levels god bless you.

  3. #53
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    Hi bg, there is nothing wrong with those gifts as long as you know they would make her happy and not put too much emphasis on a relationship if you're not totally sure what her feelings are yet. I'd suggest asking her in maybe a round about way of things that she likes, funny-cute things and maybe stick to those to give once in awhile. Too many gifts may get her 'rattled' for lack of a better word until you KNOW exactly what and where the relationship stands. Personally, I think it's great what you are doing with how you are treating her; respect, dignity, caring helpfulness, and your incredible sense of humour!

    Is there any way to get her phone number and just call her either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and make it a light conversation? I'm wondering why she will be alone, there must be some unhappy story there regarding her family or friends? She may totally treasure your call and may need someone to talk with, laugh with and you could be that someone!

    To me it sounds like you are the only person she can talk with and feel safe with, and that's extremely important in my book. You are obviously helping her in more ways than any of us can imagine because of the way she always looks for you, stands by you, laughs with you, and seeks you out.

    bg, instead of maybe trying for a relationship with her, how about just enjoying what you two have now and see what that leads to? You still have a lot to find out what her life is about, especially if she's been hurt in some way. If a person is alone at Christmas it makes me wonder what's happened in elise's life.

    On another note, I think a lot of people just want to be in a one-on-one inclusive relationship too quickly and end up spoiling what is right in front of them now. The reason I say that now is that I've read that 13-14 year olds are in 'relationships' ALREADY and that, to me, is frightening when they don't know what a relationship really means. What is wrong with being beautiful, caring friends, enjoying the wonder and awe of that which creates it's own beautiful magic?

    Always wishing you the BEST!
    Luba
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  4. #54
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    hi luba,

    thank you so very much for your reply it means and helps out a lot. i really appreciate you taking such time out during the festive period

    yes, for sure, i do understand that those gifts just made her happy and am pretty confident that they didn't put too much emphasis on a relationship that wasn't there yet. i've tried and make aure that when i did ever give her anything that it was a gift and it didn't mean that we were together or so, as yep, it would be awkward and may even sour the relationship.

    i did however tell the children that she loves furbys! (she doesn't really!)
    the only means of communciatino that i have with her is the school email. it can be checked from home and i was maybe thinking of emailing her christmas eve or day after reading your posting. she has all my details - my personal email and my mobile number as i gave her my card when i first started working with her. she has made a few jokes about texting me or calling me. once was that if she wasn't going to be in that she'd text me a whole line of 'zzzzzzz'z!' and another time i jokingly suggested to the other teacher who was waiting for an important phonecall from the cable dudes that she could take the mobile n with her in the toilet_i would! elise looked at me and told me she'd never phone me if i had my mobile in the toilet with me!

    but in all seriousness, i am thinking of maybe emailing her via the school email and asking her if she's ok, wishing her a merry christmas and maye even asking her if she'd want to go for a coffee or meal - as she said to me she's by herself - as it's the first xmas without her family. (elise comes from europe, and she came here to the uk by herself, big step. she misses them and her dog badly.) i don't think there is any unhappy story as to why she's by herself. i think she just really, really misses home and her family. i know she shares a house with flatmates. what do you think? to email or not??

    i'd like to think i'm that person she can confide in and reach out to. being her teaching assistant, i want to be the best for her as i see how much stress and time goes into being a teacher. i wanna make her job that wee bit more easier.

    for the past few days i've been purging my thoughts, in an analytical meditation sense. i've been trying not to over-think, sometimes it happens. i think it's a good idea what you suggest and ill go with that, it makes so much sense.

    everything seems to remind me of her, as silly as it sounds. i've never experienced this much before and think it;s because i have genuinely gotten to know this person and spent so much time with her.

    still in two worlds about emailing her via the school email system, part of me wants do to it, making sure it doesn't sound too date like, but at the same time keeping some humour in the email. the other part says what if she doesn't check the email until the last few days or so!!

  5. #55
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    bg, I would email her and make it light and friendly, maybe add some funny things about stuff you both shared and laughed about. I'd also find a way to slip in having a cup of coffee or just go for a walk, something very simple.

    SO glad to hear that there is no sad history but that she's made a big step by coming to the uk and striking out on her own. Good for her and then she met you and you became friends. I always think how wonderful it is that we meet people and how much they impact our lives, or we impact theirs, good or bad, we learn from all! It's good that you are there for her and I'm sure she appreciates it!

    everything seems to remind me of her, as silly as it sounds.
    Personally I don't think that sounds silly, bg, this is a very, very nice friendship that may become a relationship as time goes on.

    Is there no other way to contact her other than her work email? Even if you do find her phone number in some way, I think it would be okay to just phone and wish her a Merry Christmas and share some laughs.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  6. #56
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    hi luba

    yes, i too was thinking something like this, something quite funny and something we both shared and know about, it makes sense. i was thinking of saying something like that i hope she was ok as i know she's perhaps lonely, wishing her a merry Christmas and is she wanted to go for a coffee during the Christmas holidays it was cool, if not it;s cool too (and adding a few funny things we both shared and laughed about.)

    yes, no sad history, just really, really, really misses home because of christmas and her first time away from it all. i recall when i spoke to her she'd said she would skype her folks and her dog everyday. it must be so hard for someone to move to a different country, work there and know that all family and friends are in a different country. i admire this and respect it so much. i respect her and admire her just as much. she's a strong woman, even if she's 23, she's mature like 30, in a good way ofcourse.

    yes, it is so good to know that i'm helping her and making her laugh out of all this. we meet so many people in life, and those that make a difference make us laugh. as a human being, i feel honoured to know her and share time and space with her.

    yes, i even have phantom "smells' of her, as if she'd just passed me....:S

    the work email is the only means of contact i have with her. it may have to be that way i think.....unless, by some strange magical feat, i get a text from her....(c'mon universe, give me a break here!)
    i will most probably email her christmas day and hope she checks her school email....

    will keep you updated luba
    bg x

  7. #57
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    I will be checking for updates and also hope that she will check her school email to find your message and email you back. Pose some sort of question to her so that you do know she checked her email and has to answer you.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  8. #58
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    cool yes, good idea this! i think the only question i can think of is if she'd like to go out for a coffee sometime (then add the funny bit we both laughed at, well, the funny thing i said which made her laugh!)

  9. #59
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    hi there guys,

    so i managed to pluck up the courage and email elise.
    a friend of mine said i should try and call. i don't have her mobile number but know that the other teacher does. another friend then told me that if i were to get elise's number, it would be perhaps an intrusion and it may not fair well. so i decided to email her instead, plus it would mean i wouldn't involve another person. i kept the email short, sweet and funny - i added a few jokes we've shared. i don't know if and when she'll look at the school email, heck she may even do so the day before we're scheduled to go back. but, i am ok with it all. i went for a walk and will try and do another tomorrow, and it is helping me adjust and think things out, without overthinking. i'll be in touch, am am staying ever the positive.

    merry christmas all of you, and bless you.

  10. #60
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    Merry Christmas, Bless you & Best of Luck BG!!!!!!!! I'm over here wishing the very best for ya!!!!!! Hopefully she see's your email sooner then later!!!!! I imagine this holiday season must be tough for her! Hopefully you will cheer her up!
    " To thy own self be true..."

  11. #61
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    Merry christmas bridgie I hope you're having a wonderful time, bless you too i've not received anything yet, no text or email so perhaps she hasn't checked the email yet. i hope too that this will cheer her up. keep seeing her smile everywhere....:S!

    will be in touch, stay well

  12. #62
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    No matter when she reads your email, bg, I'm sure it will make her happy as you do everyday!
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  13. #63
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    dear luba,

    thanks for these strong words i have faith in them and am too, sure that she will be happy reading them. we go back to school on thursday where it is a training day and so is friday. the children will be back in on monday. i could write about her forever, i feel that way, even if i have no contact from her. each and every day i give thanks for her being and her kindness. i am truly blessed and hope to be in even more blessed soon.

  14. #64
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    well, today was a big step in this event on my life.

    i found out today that elise has a boyfriend. i gather many people would like to know what is happening. i saw her today at school and there was a different feeling in the air. not bad, malicious or such, just 'different'. we spoke briefly about how each other's xmas was and there was no mention of the email i sent her. i am guessing that she must have checked her email, it would make sense right?

    she seemed more energised which is good as before the holidays, she was really deflated. she had left me a list of things to do and went over them with me and she she had to go back for some teacher planning. we did share a few laughs i recall.

    at lunch i arrived and it was all under way. i got my plate and sat down, not looking around for her as that may look too desperate. i sat down and then she came and she sat down on the same table with me. there were other staff members there. she looked weird and i asked her if she was ok. she said that she was vomitting. i was concerned and asked her if she had eaten anything strange or perhaps it was a bug another teacher suggested. she sat there and there was some dialouge, but we were all just eating, except for elise who was drinking water. the other teachers left and the receptionist came and sat with us. she asked how xmas was and elise came out with "i spent it at my boyfriends and his family." i didnt flinch or anything- i had already mentally prepared myself for this. she spoke about how it was her first english xmas. i remained calm, didnt act odd or such. i was myself, at peace with what the universe and elise had just offered me. i smiled and added some words to the conversation and then we all began talking about other things. everytime i looked over at elise she had this glazed look over her. as if she was telling me in a nice way, no bad vibes or so. she also looked sorry or sad a little. maybe because she felt guiltly of my advances and she she couldn't move on them. i think this may have happened rather quickly as before the holiday she had told me she was alone, hence my email to her. if i had known she had a boyfriend, i would never have acted on it and tried to "woo" her. i felt a little silly and a little foolish for thinking someone as beautiful a her would have no partner. we spoke more and i told her maybe she should go home if she was puking. she said nope, she needed to stay for the planning. i did think perhaps, if she hasn't eaten anything odd or such, that it maybe that she's pregnant? i don't know. all i know is that i am really happy for her. sad for myself, but am not dwelling on me. it's better someone as beautiful as she finds love then someone like me still seeking it. the best flowers are always quickly taken, and she is one of the best. we parted at lunch, and i worked away, completed her tasks. i managed to see her as i was leaving and she had the weird look about her, but it was a good weird. no hate or anger. i bid her farewell and made my way home. i'm trying not to overthink anything and it is true that she said she was alone here. i'm trying not to beat myself up too much, but being human, that happens. i will be ok, i will meditate, meditate on her happiness and this man who can make her so happy. i would shake his hand. i will not give up on love, i have experienced such nirvana that i know and hope, there is a little bit for me, out there.

    bg.

  15. #65
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    Sometimes people are afraid to be alone, so they continue on in a relationship they no longer benefit from. Elise may be doing the same thing with her boyfriend. She may be very alone, people can be even in a relationship. Sometimes more so in a relationship as it is a prison cell that fear will not let people break free from to seek true happiness.

    There's a quote by Johnny Depp that is very true, "If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one - you wouldn't have fallen for the second."

    No need to feel foolish. She feels the same way you do, her fears just won't let her find true happiness yet.


  16. #66
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    Re: i'm 34 and she's 22...:S

    dear ivyrose, a pleasure to meet you here and thank you so much for your comments

    she may like this, perhaps. all i know is that she is well and i am just happy for her. at lunch yesterday we had a staff shared lunch. a fellow teacher asked her how her xmas was and this time she didn't mention her boyfriend. not sure if it's because i was sat right next to her but who knows. i just wish her all the happiness in the world and will always treasure our moments together. i know my soulmate is out there, somewhere and this whole experience has made me stronger and wanting love even more now.
    that is a wonderful quote from Depp, it is lovely
    there are times when i feel like the biggest fool in the world, then i realise i'm not, i'm just human.
    thank you very much ivyrose

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