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Thread: Feeling low

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
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    3

    Feeling low

    Firstly can I say "Hi" to all members and also thanks for taking the time to read my thread.

    The last couple of months have been rather tough on me, with my mum being diagnosed with terminal cancer and looking very frail and weak, my partner possibly having to have a back operation with the possible risk of either being unable to walk or then suffering from epileptic fits and then home life ( I house share, big mistake) and lastly to top it off work with them underpaying me when I do exactly the same job as everyone else.

    This morning I just broke down in tears, my partner was there but I still feel a twit because I'm one of these people who shows no emotion and bottles it all up.

    I hoping to sort two of the problems out in the next couple of months but the hardest thing I'm struggling to deal with is my mum having cancer for a second time, first time was leukemia.

    Thanks for listening.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    The Cloud of Unknowing
    Posts
    17,425

    Re: Feeling low

    Welcome to the forums Stuart .

    Sometimes life can be rather overwhelming. And you really feel like you are stuck in a dead end, with no easy outs. Life threatening or major life altering situations, such as cancer and this operation your partner might be facing are just that. There is nothing you can do, but hope that everything somehow works out in that respect.



    It may be a good idea for you to talk - either in person or here - just to vent your frustrations, and try and find yourself a way forward to deal with all these issues.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    3

    Re: Feeling low

    Thank you for the reply:

    I think the hardest thing to deal with is knowing that I cannot control the outcome of my mum and partners issues and the hardest pill to try and swallow is knowing that my mum is slowly dying.

    After it was put into perspective 2 of the issues I am able to sort myself to make things easier on myself.
    1. Change my job
    2. Move out of my current house share and live with my partner.

    Unfortunately these changes cannot just happen overnight it's something that needs to be carefully planned.

    I visited family yesterday and they told me the same thing that keeping things bottled is never a good idea, sometimes it's good to share as it helps to put things into order instead of being a jumble in the mind, I find it hard to talk to family and friends on a emotional level, so will continue to use life supporters.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    15

    Re: Feeling low

    Hi Stuart, welcome to the forum.

    You certainly have a lot on your plate at the moment.
    It's likely some of your feelings are those related to grief with the news of your Mum's cancer. It might be helpful to read up on the grief process so that you can undertand your feelings better, and that what you are experiencing is perfectly normal.

    Hopefully you may discover some coping and management strategies.

    It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and understanding of how to sort through your housing and work problems, and realistic about the time frame involved.

    I don't know what I would do if I was facing my partner going through an operation like yours. It might be helpful just to take one day at a time and don't get too far ahead of yourself in terms of the outcome.

    You sound like a fantastic caring person, even so you have a bigger load to bear on your shoulders than many, and you might find that some support in terms of counselling, or support groups, or even a church support centre if you cannot afford anything else. This could give you some personal support, because from time to time you might need someone to support you as you manage these difficult situations.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    3

    Re: Feeling low

    Hi all,

    Just to further follow up on this as this is my only way of letting out my emotions in a subtle way. Thanks for reading again though.

    Since last posting a message on here I received news that the cancer my mum has is now terminal and has spread to other parts of her organs, the doctor originally gave a prognosis of 6months however in this time my mums medication has increased and she has become more frail and a lot weaker.

    Today I received word from my dad that my mum had a doctor out Thursday just gone and they have provided a new prognosis of 2 weeks maybe more, as you can imagine I feel numb and at a loss.

    My emotions are all up in the air, I don't know whether to cry or just shut myself from the world. (Hindsight I know this won't help) but it's so difficult juggling all the thoughts, emotions etc in my head. I have family around me but it's not the same and it's made harder that I am the only child.

    Thanks for reading and allowing me to get this off my chest.

    Stuart

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    At Home
    Posts
    12,071

    Re: Feeling low

    Welcome to the forums Stuart. I am sorry I haven't posted sooner. I understand the cancer and mom issue. I watched my mom slowly die of cancer too. The angles took her a little over 2 years ago. The best thing I did for myself was to be with her as much as I could during that time. I know she appreciated it and it made her feel emotionally better. I hope you are able to spend as much time with your mom as possible. It is hard to watch them die but think of them. She needs you more than ever right now. Hang in there. My thoughts are with you.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,209

    Re: Feeling low

    Welcome, Stuart...

    I was raised as an only child myself and when my mother died, the one thing that no one else could relate to was, I closely identified myself to both of my parents. It's a different living situation growing up, being alone with your parents than those with siblings experience. In a way, (depending on personal experience) our parents are closer to us. Everyone somewhat feels like an orphan after their parents pass away, but for the only child, it's almost as if a piece of our soul goes along with them.

    I have had to share my parents over later years with new spouses, step-siblings and new-found family, which made it somewhat harder to deal with because of jealousy. Know that your mother is not alone in this, she still has your Dad and that is a great blessing. She also has you and as hard as it sounds, we all must lose our parents eventually. It may seem unfair, but it is the natural progression of life. Above all, your mother is not going to have to suffer any longer. She will be in a much better place.

    Keep a journal with all of your emotions from day to day or even hour to hour. That would be one outlet for releasing the emotions you bottle up inside. As odd as it sounds right now, exorcizing even if your emotions have made you physically weak, will help a great deal with the depression you're facing right now.

    I am sorry to hear about your partner. Doctors always scare us and give us the worse case scenario about everything. Definitely a double-whammy and even a triple one with your job situation adding to the stress in your life. Just keep a positive outlook on the prognosis of your partner. What the doctor says may not come true.

    With the job situation: I read an article that not only is it a dual income that's needed in households now, but most people are opting to have a side business to make ends meet. This could be a great possibility for you and your partner to start. Look into eBay, regardless of your area, there is usually someone that has classes that are either minimal cost or volunteering a donation in order to attend. Most of the people in my area are caring for sick spouses or relatives and had no other alternative to make money other than eBay. It's a great support not just for business, but for care takers as well.

    Good luck to you and I hope you feel better soon.


  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    4

    Re: Feeling low

    Sorry about your struggles. Just always be strong. I know you can rid out of that emotions, and always think that things happen for a reason.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Somewhere over the rainbow!
    Posts
    26,558

    Re: Feeling low

    Welcome to Lifesupporters Stuart! You are among caring, understanding members!

    Stuart, my advice is to spend as much time with your Mom as you can, sharing with her all she's done for you, sharing funny and precious memories, and how much you love her. I promise you it will give you both Peace through this difficult time. When she's sleeping and you are near, holding her hand will help you both as well! Crying is very good, such a release! Sharing your feelings, as you are doing here, will help not only you, but others who are experiencing a similar difficult situation.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


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