Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    7

    Help with co-d roommate

    Hi all, this is my first post and am hoping I'm posting in the right area.

    I'm hoping to get some input and advice on my current issue at hand, so let's jump right in.

    I'm a male in my mid/late 20s living with another guy the sme age, a year older to be exact. We've been roommates for over two years now and things are decent. We've known each other and have been best friends since highschool. Let's call this friend M.

    Little history on M. His mother died about 5 years ago and it wasn't good (it never is). M then took the roll of Mom in his household with his dad and brother. Did dishes, laundry, etc. that's the way he coped with the situation. I don't think his dad really gave him credit for much of it nor sympathized for his actions. He was kinda a dick, to put it bluntly. M move out a year or two later and adopted a puppy. I applaud the decision for emotional support but don't applaud his over zealous parenting and overprotectiveness, but that's how his mother raised him so I can't say anything towards that. But that's a whole other story in itself.

    Let's fast forward. So we're roommates now and I am getting tired of mommy roommate. Every morning is the same. The routine never changes. Dishes are always cleaned, counters are always Lysoled, floor swept, curtains drawn open, the list goes on. Now one may say, what's the big deal? Well it shouldn't be, but I can do my own darn dishes. Reality, it's not even that. It's the timing. I seem to dictate when things happen without even saying a word. If I'm up and moving by 8:30, 8:40 M is coming down the stairs. Up by 10, 10:10, here's M. Same thing goes for bed time. If I say my "night" at 10:30, suddenly the TV's off and M's heading to bed. If I decide to stay up till 2am, he's right there with me till I'm too tired and the "family" heads to bed. It continues. If I'm in one room, he's there. If I go have a cigarette on the porch, suddenly M's up and going out too. Ash out the bud, head inside, M's on my heels.
    And the questions! "How was your day?" "How was work?" (I get back from a morning jog) "how was your jog?" (It was a jog, I'm sweaty, how do you think it went?)
    He's an alcoholic too, but refuses to admit it. If he goes one night without shooting whiskey or drinking a couple beers, I'd drop dead in amazement. Habitual or alcoholic, it's still not helping his liver.
    It's literally like having a second mother. He's not the manliest of men, let's just say many have asked his sexual orientation. To which I answer with a shrug and say he's had gfs. I could care less if he's gay or straight, he's my best bud. But he needs a fricken life outside of mine. His womanly tendencies only bug me when they're including me in it. I'm not a feelings kinda guy. My flaw in life I accept and try to work on.
    He's extremely type A/extrovert. I'm riding the other end of the spectrum as a type b/introvert. We can see how some things might clash.
    I'm getting bread the end of my rope. He lives life (it seems) through mine.
    Last i.e. I mentioned the other day, mostly joking, that I may stop by a bar after work to grab a drink. Suddenly he's talking about meeting me down there. Why? Why drive 30 minutes at 10:30pm 8 hours after our convo to join me for, what I off the cusp stated, one drink?

    This codependency is really starting to get to me. I don't want to snap at him, but he's so hard headed and hard to talk to. I tried conversing with him once about his drinking which had no effect and once about the fact I'm introverted and he's extroverted and I got a half brained "yeah, in know" whoosh, through on ear, out the other.

    1 minute he acts like the provider (mommy M) and the other he acts like a clingy girlfriend. He needs friends outside of me, a life outside of me, we're just two guy friends living together, that's what i want it to feel like. However, the way he makes if feel, we're this big family.

    Any suggestions on how to talk to him and cope with this? I do love the guy like a brother and don't want to hurt him, but this needs to end, and soon before things boil over and there's hatred in the house.

    Thank you all for reading my essay.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Somewhere over the rainbow!
    Posts
    26,558

    Re: Help with co-d roommate

    Whatchamacallit, I honestly think honesty is the best thing. It's really starting to get to you and totally understandable, and it could end up in a friendship that will end if things don't change. It seems to me it can't go on this way. You need your own life apart from him and he needs a life apart from you. Even when it comes to doing dishes, you don't need him Mothering you. You may need to start practicing what you can say gently but firmly to him even to start thinking of getting your own place.

    Good luck and keep posting to how it's going for you! You may get more input and other ideas that will help immensely with how people have handled a similar situation.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    7

    Re: Help with co-d roommate

    Thank you again Luba, yet again honesty will be the best policy.

    Too much going on in life right now! Work school relationships friendships...ahhhh! ::Head explodes::

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Somewhere over the rainbow!
    Posts
    26,558

    Re: Help with co-d roommate

    Quote Originally Posted by Whatchamacallit View Post
    Thank you again Luba, yet again honesty will be the best policy.
    You are welcome! Sometimes it's hard to start that honest conversation, but once someone takes the first step, the relationship blooms and is even better, providing the conversation is done with gentleness and caring.

    Too much going on in life right now! Work school relationships friendships...ahhhh! ::Head explodes::
    Keep returning and post what you need to, a caring membership here.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    7

    Re: Help with co-d roommate

    I will, thank you.

    Why can't I change my profile info? I put in the wrong birthdate. Not that it's too much on an issue, just curious.

    Back on track,

    I'm going to try and sit down with him soon. I work about 40+ hours a week and barely have time to get my own stuff done at the house let along sit and have a heart to heart.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. living with roommate and girlfriend
    By darkangelism in forum Effective Communication
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-11-2012, 11:54 AM
  2. Man Kills Roommate Over Toilette Paper
    By Merika in forum The World around us
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 03-05-2006, 06:19 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •