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Thread: Ex confusion

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
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    7

    Unhappy Ex confusion

    Maybe I can get some input from someone who's dealt with this.

    Last year I started hanging out with this girl. I fell head over heels for her. She and I felt like we clicked and were very compatible. We went on a few dates and hung out a while but then she got skittish and said it wasn't going to work out. She has commitment problems. Damn but there wasn't too much heartache because it was short lived.
    Then a few weeks later she started to text me again and said she really missed me. So we started hanging out again and really clicked. 4 months later she was my GF. We were both super busy people with school and work and only saw each other maybe once to twice a week. We did the bedroom tango once which was (as most first times are) awkward and short lived, but she told me it was perfect and not to worry. Weeks went on and then after 7 months she broke it off again. It was interesting how the same situation was occurring in her life just like the first time; school finals and big work load of stress. She told me the "personal attraction" wasn't there and we waited too long to have sex again. But would want to still be friends. Not that she ever instigated when we did see each other. Anyhoo. Move ahead to the last month. We see each other at work once in a while and she's always really friendly, occasionally grabs my arm or wants to take smoke breaks together, other times she moves like she wants to grab my arm but stops herself. Just last week she was super tired and twice curled up underneath my arm and rested in the crook of my neck for a comforting hug. The other day we were smoking and she stated "I miss hanging out with you, you're fun". Since the break up we've seen a couple movies together, after the last one we hung out outside the box office where she did her arm movement to touch mine and stopped herself, she made some offhand "I'm single" comment during a story she had from work, and then told me to let her know the next time I'm watching my game on TV. "I told you I'd watch it with you." "I want to see how you are during your game." I said "I'll let you know, and left.
    The next morning I received a random text about some program she was watching on TV.

    I'm getting mixed signals. I'm playing it cool but deep down I really really like this girl.

    Is she just being friendly or could there be feelings in return?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Somewhere over the rainbow!
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    Re: Ex confusion

    Welcome to Lifesupporters, Whatchamacallit!

    I think getting such mixed signals is a waste of your time and not a good idea to get involved other than friendship. Some people are game players because they get away with it. If you find that you are starting to really care for her, it's a good idea to be totally honest with how you feel and see how that goes. How she reacts to that will really be telling you about what you should be doing where she is concerned.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    1,209

    Re: Ex confusion

    I just wanted to add that, she wouldn't even try to be your friend if she wasn't interested in you. I like to call it, "fake friends." She's keeping you on the back burner while remaining single (as well as possibly being involved with others.)

    Yep, she's a player. :-) It's a waste of time unless you really love this girl. I had a "fake friend" do this to me for a little over 15 years. In the end, he had no interest in having a conversation with me "as a real friend" because he knew the possibility of us being a couple was no longer in the future for us.

    It was 10 years of him telling me that he wasn't in love with me romantically. Once I finally accepted that (and he realized I had accepted that) and continued to stay friends with him, was the same day he decided "just being friends" was a wasted investment.

    It was terribly painful, but worth it because I was really in love with him. He still has not committed to anyone to this day. Some people are just too scared to be vulnerable with someone else. Don't take it personal.


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    7

    Re: Ex confusion

    Thank you both for your replies, I've taken both to heart,
    It's all really confusing to the brain and heart. I guess honest is the best policy in this.

    I don't know why it's tough, it's been a good 6 months since the breakup and usually by this time I'm back on my feet. This one I can't for the life of me get out of my head. All my other exes I either don't ever talk to anymore or [(one of them) not to make them sound like its] occasionally text with but there are no feelings.

    The latest makes me angry, bummed and warm and fuzzy all at the same time. I really thought last year I found my sole mate. Ugh...

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    Re: Ex confusion

    Quote Originally Posted by Whatchamacallit View Post
    Thank you both for your replies, I've taken both to heart,
    It's all really confusing to the brain and heart. I guess honest is the best policy in this.

    I don't know why it's tough, it's been a good 6 months since the breakup and usually by this time I'm back on my feet. This one I can't for the life of me get out of my head. All my other exes I either don't ever talk to anymore or [(one of them) not to make them sound like its] occasionally text with but there are no feelings.

    The latest makes me angry, bummed and warm and fuzzy all at the same time. I really thought last year I found my sole mate. Ugh...
    Obviously there is something very special about this lady that deeply touches your heart. What do you love about her the most and how can you help her bring it out? Sometimes people just aren't aware of their good points or no one tells them about those, it's worth a try. I also think a gentle but honest conversation reaps rewards!
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    7

    Re: Ex confusion

    Quote Originally Posted by Luba View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Whatchamacallit View Post
    Thank you both for your replies, I've taken both to heart,
    It's all really confusing to the brain and heart. I guess honest is the best policy in this.

    I don't know why it's tough, it's been a good 6 months since the breakup and usually by this time I'm back on my feet. This one I can't for the life of me get out of my head. All my other exes I either don't ever talk to anymore or [(one of them) not to make them sound like its] occasionally text with but there are no feelings.

    The latest makes me angry, bummed and warm and fuzzy all at the same time. I really thought last year I found my sole mate. Ugh...
    Obviously there is something very special about this lady that deeply touches your heart. What do you love about her the most and how can you help her bring it out? Sometimes people just aren't aware of their good points or no one tells them about those, it's worth a try. I also think a gentle but honest conversation reaps rewards!

    It's really hard to explain through text, (outside of being, in my eyes, SO Beautiful) but she's the first person I've met that seems to be on my wave length. Understands and has the same sense of humor as me. We used to sit and talk for hours about everything but nothing and it was great. We even have some of the same (for lack of better words) ticks. Like someone who eats pizza from the crust first finding someone who does the same. Kind of a broad, silly example but along those lines. I don't know why but just being around her I feel whole and complete. ::shrugs:: the heart does weird things.
    I don't know if I'd be able to bring out these things anymore in her, nor do I think I'll be able to turn anything around. And then there's the deep feeling if I did, would I be able to fully trust her again? When is she going to freak out on me again an leave me?
    There's that golden rule that if you have to change someone then they might not be the fit.
    They say follow your gut, my guy's saying two opposite things. It sees the side looks i get and thinks, maybe she's coming around. Then the gut says she's only going to hurt you again. Yay contradicting gut feelings.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,209

    Re: Ex confusion

    It's really hard when first getting together with someone. There's a lot of push and pull. Sometimes a lot of drama before the relationship becomes peaceful.

    Maybe she wants you to just tell her, we're together and that's it. I'm not taking "no" for an answer. Some women and men are like that. They're not sure about the relationship until you tell them they are and it's going to work out.

    Good luck. I hope this turns out for the better and you find some peace.


  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    711

    Re: Ex confusion

    Welcome to Life Supporters =)

    My opinion is that she's using you to stoke her ego. I don't think she could really be classified as a player since she'd not getting much from you other than attention. She's an emotional vampire. When a dude she really does like doesn't give her the time of day, or she's feeling like a can of busted biscuits, she texts you. She eats up the attention you give her.

    My advice is to run from her. Invest your time in a girl who would adore you as much as you adore her. If you're intent on getting this chick though, don't be so available to her. If she's honestly interested in you she'll make it clear beyond any doubt. Let her chase you for a change. And if she doesn't chase you? Then there is your ultimate answer.

    Good luck with whatever you choose. =)
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