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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
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    1

    Drugs? help for daughter please

    I don't even know where to start so sorry if I ramble. My daughter is 22 and is so out of control, she had an apt with a friend but lost her job..don't know if that's actually true...so I said of course she could move back home as she wanted to go to college and save money.

    I have been extremely worried for a long time but in the past if I've tried to talk to her she blows up. It has been a nightmare, today one minute she seemed to be fine then announced she's not going to college...she started her first class last night...she hates it, started shouting she's done with me, i cannot say one word to her without her taking it the wrong way, but it's nothing she should get upset about, eg: it's always hard at first going to college but I know you can do it..well, that is an insult for some reason, it just does not make any sense.

    She was going hysterical and she was driving at the time, stopped at a gas station and screamed at me to give her money, I said no and to calm down, long story short all the way home she was just not making any sense.

    I broke my foot last week so am on crutches and she told me she's not taking my f.....g bags in and threw them in the front yard.

    She has said before pot is not a drug, I am against any kind of drug...but I am wondering if she is doing something else. When she was screaming at me she was laughing but also her eyes looked like a demon, hard to describe it. I am so upset.

    I do not like her boyfriend, he gambles and they are always looking for money, her room is a mess, clothes all over the floor and she sleeps during the day then gets angry when I tell her she must get up.

    I love my daughter more than anything in this world but did tell her she had to leave today, she cannot talk to me that way so she swore some more at me and went to her boyfriend's house.

    She blames me for an awful childhood, her dad and I did not get along, long story, a lot of arguing, I had no family, no help but always did my best. I do have depression and she holds that against me big time, I tell you I have beaten myself up for her childhood and still do.

    She tells me she f.....g hates me, I know she loves me, I know she does, we used to be so close.

    I do not know what to do, it was very, very severe this afternoon and I thought she was going to hit me, she's always asking for money and when I say I don't have it she attacks me mentally.

    Please, can anyone help? does this sounds like drug use?

    Thank you, I am so desperate to help my daughter.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    26,311

    Re: Drugs? help for daughter please

    Welcome to Lifesupporters, skilvr.

    Very harsh circumstances indeed. I have heard that sometimes a parent has to let the child go on their own especially when it seems that they are headed on a path of self-destruction. Sometimes they have to hit bottom and either they decide to do different, or they don't. As hard as it is to let go, we need to realize, as parents, that once they are of age, we are not in control of them anymore no matter how much our heart is breaking and we want to make up for our past mistakes. The past is the past, and trying to make up for it is really a lost cause and only makes us go down the path of despair where the child is.

    You do not need to take that abuse no matter what happened in the past. Hopefully there is help there for you if she becomes physically abusive along with the emotional abuse. Maybe there is some help in your area to talk about this, or get someone to help you if you need to call if that happens.

    Maybe all you can do now is tell her you love her but will not accept her abusive behaviour anymore. It's very difficult to do that, but you have to do it for yourself. If you show your strength to her with love, she might just get the message herself, but you might prepare for whatever happens.

    I hope you keep posting and let us know how it's going for you, skilvr.
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
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    Under your bed.
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    Re: Drugs? help for daughter please

    First off, welcome to Lifesupporters skilvr.

    This sounds like a bit of a tough one to give you much in the way of insight because there seem to be a number of areas where negative feelings could have formed and it is these that may be at the heart of the issue.

    To be fair, I'd shy away from the drugs thing because this is an easy trap for parents to fall into. Many parents accuse their kids of drug abuse even when the kids themselves have never taken any; I think it's a bit of a slippery slope.

    That's not to say it isn't a possibility however I'd rule out potential other issues first before blaming drugs. The only time I would ever actually skip right to drugs is if the person was starting to exhibit physical symptoms.

    I do know plenty about pot as I smoked it as a teenager then stopped for years until I was in my 20's. There were times when I smoked a lot of it and other times when I'd puff the cheeba now and then so I'll just take an average on this one.

    ...every time the mitigating factors behind my pot usage was simply a large supply and friends smoking it, it was never something I did unless it was socially.

    Many parents worry about pot being a gateway drug but those of us who smoked it believe that to be a huge misnomer.

    The reason pot is considered a gateway drug is likely due to some pot smokers moving to heavier drugs after it. While this does happen my guess is the reason it's thought of this way is pot is so accessible so of course the numbers are skewed.

    Personally, for every one person I know who smoked regularly there are dozens who only smoked socially and most of us hardly even touch it anymore.

    This is why I always caution about blaming pot because I see it as no more harmful than cigarettes, prescription drugs or booze which are all legal forms of chemical addiction.

    The only time I would really worry about pot usage from my child is if it became a habit that was no longer social in nature. Once a person needs to have a buzz "to get through something" then it's a crutch and a pretty big stone in the path to addiction.

    ...

    In reading your response the first thing that pops into my head as a potential underlying factor is that your child may also be suffering depression.

    Depression actually could explain everything from oversleeping to irritability and job loss.

    It's not that much of a stretch as there is plenty of statistical evidence to support more and more people these days are suffering some sort of depression. I'm no doctor but my guess is that the disposition could easily be passed from parent to infant.

    It could be she's harboring something from childhood as well which you'd need to get to the bottom of but that's a tough one.

    I know children who have taken decades to forgive a parent for something so getting to the bottom of this may be a difficult task.

    Having said that though, I think it's an important question and one that every parent should ask their children.

    ...of course I would only have this discussion when your child is in a good mood.
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