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11-03-2014, 08:31 AM #1New Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2014
I want to break my silence. Me and my wife of 13 years separated. We separated because I gave her an ultimatum to get help for here drinking problem and to stop with her online chat rooms. The drinking was there right through out our marriage and it was because of an incident that landed her in ER that she realized she needs help with it too. She tuned to online help and these sights have online chat rooms with online substance abusers.
For a short while I could start seeing the difference but then things just got very bad. She would be up till all hours in the morning and be drunk while on online chats and I spoke to her to seek help. I finally had enough and gave her the ultimatum in hope it would “wake” her up.
She said we should separated and we did but instead of really getting help she said I’m crazy for calling her an alcoholic and she want her independence and want to be single. She doesn’t want to answer to anybody and she just want to experience life. She said no one has the right to tell her how to live her life!
We got married young but I wish we could somehow find a compromise for the sake of our 2 kids and for our own benefit. I’m really hurt and I’m not sure how to deal with the pain, it’s eating me up inside and yet I should not because I’m the one who put up the ultimatum. I just never though I (and my 2 kids) would come off second. This is part one but I would love the input from other people here.
12-16-2014, 12:14 PM #2New Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2014
First of, I'm really sorry to hear about what you are going through.
I think that you did make the right decision by giving her an ultimatum. It could have worked as a wake-up call but unfortunately in this case it didn't. With abusers, in the very end only they can choose to admit they have a problem and do something about it. As long as they deny it and aren't willing to listen to what others has to say then there is nothing you can do to help her with her problem.
I understand you wish there could have been another solution to this but for now perhaps it is the best for everyone involved. What will happen with your children? I would feel a little worried if she had any custody as of right now seeing as she has a drinking problem.
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