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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    1

    Newly Separated and having a hard time.

    Hello, I am in great need in dealing with this separation. I am not married however I am/was engaged and plans for a wedding, none the less we are separated for now at his request.
    What caused the separation: Last month I graduated college, as it was my last semester it was very stressful. About the last 4-5 weeks of school I fell victim to my anxiety and stress (I have only ever suffered from anxiety and stress one other time in my whole life). As a result I shut down from the outside world and caused a major lapse in my communication and connection with the people in my life and my fiancÚ. I didn't realize what was going on until the week of finals at which time I had a full anxiety attack (my first) and my dad had to drive 3hrs to check on me. It was the full on can't breath or think clearly, shortness of breath, and couldn't eat. Because of this my fiancÚ became upset and because I was still amped from my attack the fight escalated and he ended it.
    What is going on now: It has been almost a month since this all happened. We have met a few times to talk about everything. He said to me that he still sees a future with me and still wants all of our dreams but he needs some time to focus and work on himself (he has slight anger management problems) and for now we are not together BUT it is mutual that we are not seeing other people and he still txts me and calls me (but we are not together).
    Help: our txts I can tell are distant and he does not txt as much as he use to but I still get txts. It is HARD for me to talk to him as if we are not a couple. We have been together for 5 years and engaged for 3 of those years. He says that he wants to work on us too but I am scared because he is in the military and is being transferred to Puerto Rico and I have to stay in MD because I am about to start physical therapy school, I'm afraid this distance will push us apart. He still tells me he loves me and sends me the kissing face txts and still holds me when we are together... I love him and don't want to lose him. I get angry when I don't get a txt and when he posts things to social media instead of talking to me. Sometimes when I bring it up it starts a fight. WHAT DO I DO? Can any one give me tips for dealing with my emotions and feelings?
    If you took the time to read this all I GREATLY appreciate it! I am so heart broken and need help!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    At Home
    Posts
    12,071

    Re: Newly Separated and having a hard time.

    First off, welcome to Lifesupporters. While we aren't as busy as we used to be there are still plenty of caring people here. I am sorry for your situation. I am not sure I have really good advice. I am concerned about his dumping you at the first sign of trouble. If he really loves you he should have been there for you and helped you. Or at least sat down and talked to you and let you know how he was feeling when you shut down. I know if it was me I sure would have wanted my future husband to be there through thick and thin. There are going to be plenty of obstacles in your lives so you need to be able to deal with them as a couple.

    Time is a great healer so give yourself time. If you think there is something there to save then you both need to put aside your issues and sit down and talk about it all. Get it out on the table. What exactly does he feel he has to work on? Make a plan for when he is gone and you can't be together. If I have any advice it is that communication is the most important part of any relationship. My husband and I sucked in that department and now we are divorced.

    Good luck with things but don't wait for him forever. There is a life to be lived so live it. It is too short to wait on someone who is still finding himself.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

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