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01-29-2015, 09:09 AM #1New Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2015
Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts Anymore
I just need a fresh perspective on this issue. My husband and I have been together for 8 years. With in that that time he few a years gifts in the beginning of our relationship. Now it seen I can't even get a card or anything. Valentine, Mother's Day, my birthday and Christmas are all starting to become a huge disappointments because there is no gift, no card, no cake, no flowers (I am not big flower person but every once in while I would like to have one), nothing. If I get a gift on any of these days, it is because I went into a corner and cry.
He always telling me he never have the money. Which time from time I understand, till a point. Then I start to think you can't pick up a $1 card or something.
This Valentine, I actually not looking forward to it. I wonder is I blowing this out of proportion. I told him how I felt. And it seen like nothing is going to change. I can't get mad at our kids, they are too young to buy me anything. I feel like I am being taken for granted. I don't want to leave him or anything. I just don't want to be disappointed on these days when we suppose to do something.
I would treat myself out, I am a stay home mom. No currently job or car .
P.S. Our anniversary just pass and nothing.
02-01-2015, 10:31 AM #2
Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts Anymore
May I ask how he treats you in everyday life? Is he kind, gentle, attentive in other ways? Do you both get along well and laugh a lot, and find humour in situations? Does he show his love and respect for you and do you treat him in similar ways?
Looking forward to learning more about your everyday situation before sharing any advice.Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
who’s getting the better of the deal.
Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise
~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia
03-16-2015, 06:16 PM #3New Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2015
Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts Anymore
huge huge hugs hun
I completely sympathize.ive been with my bf for almost 7 months now and j was very disappointed on mothers day.
he got me a mothers day card which I ended up reminddjng him for the Friday before Sunday and that was it. there was no cute little trinkets or anything g.
for his birthday in October last year I found a lady who bakes novelty birthday cakes and I arranged for her to bake him a novelty birthday cake in the shape of Xboxoe along with the controller and the game diversity or destiny which happened to be oheyof the first games he bought with the Console. I can't recall what else I got him but I got him few other bits and pieces that hold special meaning which only him and I share.
for Christmas I again really went out and bought him gifts that you can't walk into any store in the high street and I knew they would mean a lot to him due to things we have discussed and interests we share.
for valentines he was at work and didn't FL wish till 10pm. I drove him to work and went to tesco and got us a home dine in vale tines meal and cooked this and I scattered little red love hearts in the coffee table in the Lounge as well as decorated it with a helium balloon in the shape of a red heart and again. there was a lot of time and effort that had gone into it to make it special and show hi m now much I love him and that vale tines can be mace special at home and not necessarily by going out.
so Come mothers day after the exchange of angry words we went round to his mums which we had arranged during the week and had tea there and I was ver quiet and reserved and tbhim still feeling very hurt by the fact that he was as I sensitive as he was.
I have told him how much he has upset and hurt me and no matter how ma y times he says sorry he keeps coming back to the point of is it because I forgot to get you a present.arghhhhhh I do t want a damn present .
he just cant seem to understand where I'm Coming from so I've now reached the conclusion to simply let it go and not let it affect me any lo here than it has.
its just soooo hurtful when your supposedly ohscant put any effort in. ESP when you know you have done a heck of a lot for them
sorry I didnt mean for this to be a rant but by god am I glad he's at work lol xxx
03-16-2015, 07:29 PM #4
Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts Anymoreits just soooo hurtful when your supposedly ohscant put any effort in. ESP when you know you have done a heck of a lot for them
I have just answered your Mother's day thread with some thoughts but I am now seeing what you have written here.
It is always difficult when one side is more attentive than the other - I have been there personally - and it can prove to be very self-destructive if it gets away from you.
With all the tv promotions, let alone peer pressure, about Mother's Day, Valentines Day, Father's Day , this day and that day, we almost feel compelled to have the "all singing/all dancing" type of day they show on the TV so we can compete with our friends on social media. I learnt that the over the top, over priced, big gestures were no more valuable that the smaller ones. What I did was :
Valentines - he got a card from me. I would get a card from him. If I wanted flowers I would buy them.
Christmas I would provide a list with photos and locations or run the risk of something from the petrol station (I really did not want another mini-toolkit or car cleaning kit again).
By doing this it had a side effect I had not counted on besides reducing the disappointment.
As I had taken the pressure off those big spectacular days we found other days became nicer. We found we could book a long weekend away for the same cost as those Valentine roses/wine etc. We found we could go to dinner 3/4 times for the same cost as a pricey unwanted christmas gift. Don't think I did this all, nope, we would agree to go out and take in turns to choose where/when and same applied to going away somewhere or to the movies or even just out for a drink.
The biggest thing is that when we needed to say "I love you" - it was the words and not the actions that counted.
It may sound all a bit corny to you but it's true. I does not come easy and takes work and some re-thinking of how we handle emotions but the quality of your relationship will improve if you can, with his help, re-centre what is important.
What I read above is that you have done all the work and so far have had nothing in return. As I said in the Mother's Day posting you need to discuss quietly and calmly your expectations of each other (read the post for the rest ).
Don't give up on wanting the "dreamy weekend" with all the goodies but does it have to be Valentines?? Shouldn't it be any weekend As for flowers - I love having a bunch of tulips any day of the week, rather than on a high priced holiday.
By the way - always keep a stock of glitter, glue, ribbon & card making stuff handy. Show him where it is so that he and your daughter have the opportunity to make something at those times when money or time is tight
I do hope you find a way forward that works for you.
Again, let us know how it all goes.
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