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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Somewhere over the rainbow!

    Raising Children In The New Reality

    Maybe this reality isn't so new as it's been quite awhile since everything became so expensive that both parents had to go to work to survive. I'm not talking about the extras, but about food, clothing, shelter and all that entails becoming so high it's difficult just to get all the bills paid. For me, this reality happened over thirty years ago when workplaces started to shut down. It seemed when a person got a job it looked like it could last forever and here was Easy Street, but not so. Workplaces started to shut down and wages became less if one was even lucky to find another job quickly.

    Who suffers most? The children do, IMHO. Suddenly the Mom who stayed at home needed to find a full-time job or maybe even two. Being out of the workplace for a few years, one had to learn not only the job, but how to do it best to be able to keep it. The children who used to come to a welcoming Mom, now came to an empty home. How does that make them feel without the warmth and comfort that had always been there before? It has to be very traumatic, but do we as parents realize what an effect it has on them? Do we even ask them as we now are involved in our work as well as the few hours left to take care of dinner and a few hours of rest before preparing for the next day. Suddenly everything is speeded up and the children suddenly have to help out way more than they did before, and they aren't ready. So what happens? Toys are bought, and now many electronics to keep them busy as parents are too tired to find more time, which there just isn't enough. Something isn't right when a child texts at the dinner table where there might be dinner conversation, laughter, inspiring stories, and positive input all around, where a child feels so safe and loved he/she could share anything and know there would be no judgments from parents, but unconditional love.

    Now we wonder why children become morose and don't want to share with parents who can't sometimes help being short tempered and feel lost that they can no more relate to their children. As more time goes by, the more the separateness grows.

    Personally, I wish I had known then what I know now. I would have done my job to the best of my ability still, but I would left my job at the end of each day making plans on asking about my childrens' day EVERYDAY, played more games, and laughed way, way more! Time goes so fast, they grow up so fast! Even if you are fortunate like I was that my children knew they were loved, but they need SO much more than "I love you" everyday, they need YOU and time with YOU they can look forward to! Nothing is more precious than a grown-up child who is a man or woman saying "I remember when I did so-and-so with Mom, Dad, or both" and seeing the happy look of memory on their faces. I believe nothing is more precious in the world than that, and maybe, just maybe, there would be more love, understanding, happiness, and contentment in the world today.

    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2012

    Re: Raising Children In The New Reality

    Compelling words Luba.

    I think I shall re-read your words so I can give you my thoughts as I have always loved to work but have also had to work more than two jobs in order to survive. So I shall come back to your thread shortly.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2012

    Re: Raising Children In The New Reality

    Hi Luba

    Gave this posting some thought and even spoke to the young adults about it to get their viewpoint.

    They told me they understood that working the way I did was important and that if I had not done so then they would never have had the things they did, the comfortable home, the clothes, the holidays, the treats.

    There were times when they felt alone but for the majority of the time, apparently, they enjoyed the freedom to be a little naughty in my absence - brats LOL.

    There were times, however, when they accompanied to one of my jobs and "earned their keep" by assisting me and this they loved.

    It has, however, had an impact on them about how they will now approach their lives and both have decided that for them, children will be a later in life choice than straight away for one and the other has said they will not have children.

    This is not to say there is blame for my absence, just that they realise what a huge commitment there is to raising a child.

    For this I am grateful that all those hours I put in to support them has made them into the conscious and thinking young adults they are today and they do not do the "blame" game for the hours I worked.

    I must state that I was there for ALL the important events and so was their Father, so maybe that helped.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    The Cloud of Unknowing

    Re: Raising Children In The New Reality

    It is a definite shift from how things used to be. A lot of people end up in this trap, especially if you get caught in low-wage jobs, or have to hop from job to job. Far from ideal, and as a result, a lot of people can either not afford to have kids, or afford to spend time with the kids. Which is kind of defeating the purpose.

    Real wages have declined by 30+% in the past 30 years, so in absolute terms, you'd be better of in the 1960s than you are nowadays. Unless you can be content with little (and if I look at what is in my apartment, I have little), you enslave yourself in the pursuit of things that you can hardly ever use due to a lack of time.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2012

    Re: Raising Children In The New Reality

    you enslave yourself in the pursuit of things that you can hardly ever use due to a lack of time.
    Agree with you Vautrin, things were more balanced in the 1960's and also the pursuit of "things" seems to be a higher priority than actually spending time with another human - very sad.

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