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  1. #1
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    Being overprotective

    I find as I get older I'm becoming more overprotective of things I've expended energies toward. This can be anything from family to friends to work to these websites; there are no boundaries.

    Quite recently I really tore a strip off this rather nice kid who is bringing negative attention to a brand I've spent thousands of dollars and countless hours in creating.

    What really did it for me was his attitude was one of either total deniability or complete obliviousness toward the subject matter.

    ...a subject that would not have existed without his direct influence in the matter at hand.

    I know I'm being vague here because it's hard to be specific without a "he said, she said" approach hence the original topic, being overprotective.

    I know I could have handled it better and been less explosive in my approach but I've never been one to mince words when all parties have the facts.

    ...and rest assured he had the facts but for some reason or other chose to play stupid.

    At this point I'm not even sure if there's a question in here or if it's more a rant lol.

    I guess my question is, is being overprotective something that one can find more amiable means to mitigate? Is it better to back away, cool off, reset and then discuss?

    My worry being of course that if I'm to back off I won't say everything that needs to be said when so called cooler heads prevail.
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  2. #2
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    Re: Being overprotective

    Many of us have been in that situation and find ourselves pondering how/why our response was so overly protective/explosive. You obviously feel some emotion about it otherwise you wouldn't have posted

    I have had the same instances in person and via email. I think face to face is harder to control if you know they have accountability and just do not recognise that it is your "baby" they are destroying. I have just dealt with each issue as it arises but have had to recognise, within myself, that the over protectiveness needs to be reigned in if projects are to continue successfully.

    However, there are times when it is just warranted and it is ultimately you that has to decide if it was.

    With email it is somewhat easier. I choose to create a response immediately as a draft, leave it for a while, revisit and temper the tone. This way I achieve the pertinent points I need with a little of the knee jerk reaction but in a wholly tempered, probably more acceptable and less contentious, format.

    Well, there you Duke, my few pennies worth

  3. #3
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    Re: Being overprotective

    I'm speaking from my own perspective which is looking for a lesson everywhere, and believe me, there are lots of them out there.

    I had a HUGE lesson two weeks ago when I totally over-reacted over something I didn't even know was held within me for decades. I was with a quite powerful person and this person was going to get me to her way of thinking right down to using a form of guilt. Now I don't let guilt overtake me much anymore, but it worked for her this time as I gave in to it. The lesson I learned from that was immense, HUGE, and helped me heal a decades old 'hidden pain' that was now ready to show itself because I was/am so much stronger to handle it.

    This may be steering off-topic a touch but the main theme is, I believe, that if we are over-reacting or overprotective, there is a lesson to be learned and healed. This nice kid may bring you to that, too, Duke, when you analyze it from within.

    I now find that the people who caused me the most pain have taught me the most valuable lessons to the kind, humble, loving person I see myself as today. Now when I start (as has been my way in life) to justify my actions, I try to step back as immediately as possible and ask myself 'what is behind my reaction', 'what do I need to learn?' Thank goodness that comes quicker as it's become more present in each situation.

    We also can't let people take away how we feel about ourselves, the work we do, or how we live our life as long as we know who we are, what we stand for in being better people. We need not convince others of anything because some are just not buying and we've wasted valuable energy to no avail.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  4. #4
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    Re: Being overprotective

    Quote Originally Posted by Rosie Sanchez View Post
    Many of us have been in that situation and find ourselves pondering how/why our response was so overly protective/explosive. You obviously feel some emotion about it otherwise you wouldn't have posted

    I have had the same instances in person and via email. I think face to face is harder to control if you know they have accountability and just do not recognise that it is your "baby" they are destroying. I have just dealt with each issue as it arises but have had to recognise, within myself, that the over protectiveness needs to be reigned in if projects are to continue successfully.

    However, there are times when it is just warranted and it is ultimately you that has to decide if it was.

    With email it is somewhat easier. I choose to create a response immediately as a draft, leave it for a while, revisit and temper the tone. This way I achieve the pertinent points I need with a little of the knee jerk reaction but in a wholly tempered, probably more acceptable and less contentious, format.

    Well, there you Duke, my few pennies worth
    Pennies from Heaven lol, thanks for your wisdom.

    I conversed with a fellow Administrator and gave him the skinny pretty much as I had in the first post however I erred on making it sound as if I overreacted.

    His response was really quite brilliant because he stated quite simply it's better to overreact than under-react (is that even a word) or worse yet, give no reaction at all.

    I think he's much more level headed than I however he feels strongly that if you build something you need to protect it and whatever it takes to ensure integrity is just what it takes.
    My Daughter Rules!

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  5. #5
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    Re: Being overprotective

    Quote Originally Posted by Luba View Post
    I'm speaking from my own perspective which is looking for a lesson everywhere, and believe me, there are lots of them out there.

    I had a HUGE lesson two weeks ago when I totally over-reacted over something I didn't even know was held within me for decades. I was with a quite powerful person and this person was going to get me to her way of thinking right down to using a form of guilt. Now I don't let guilt overtake me much anymore, but it worked for her this time as I gave in to it. The lesson I learned from that was immense, HUGE, and helped me heal a decades old 'hidden pain' that was now ready to show itself because I was/am so much stronger to handle it.

    This may be steering off-topic a touch but the main theme is, I believe, that if we are over-reacting or overprotective, there is a lesson to be learned and healed. This nice kid may bring you to that, too, Duke, when you analyze it from within.

    I now find that the people who caused me the most pain have taught me the most valuable lessons to the kind, humble, loving person I see myself as today. Now when I start (as has been my way in life) to justify my actions, I try to step back as immediately as possible and ask myself 'what is behind my reaction', 'what do I need to learn?' Thank goodness that comes quicker as it's become more present in each situation.

    We also can't let people take away how we feel about ourselves, the work we do, or how we live our life as long as we know who we are, what we stand for in being better people. We need not convince others of anything because some are just not buying and we've wasted valuable energy to no avail.
    I appreciate your insight on the matter mim and do agree that there is always something to be learned.

    Unfortunately I don't believe what you stated above will work for this type of situation.

    In your case you had someone trying to force your way of thinking which differs from my case where someone is actually bringing harm to something I've built.

    Your case is someone projecting behavior but in my case it's nothing directed at me but compromising the integrity of my brand.

    Essentially, I'm a 3rd party in this instance so I'm reacting similar to how a Parent would react if someone brought harm to their child.
    My Daughter Rules!

    Band of Others: Are you a Gamer looking for a home, look no more bro!

    Ofear.com: Confronting fears, phobias, and panic attacks, in a friendly online community.

    Movie Talk: Like discussing movies, tv and streaming media, well so do we.

  6. #6
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    Re: Being overprotective

    Hi Duke

    Glad the pennies were worth something

    Agree with your colleague it is always better to say something and also to protect what you've worked hard for.

    Hope you've managed to review everything for yourself (not for too long though) as to how to approach this kind of situation in the future and that your project is now moving swiftly on.

  7. #7
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    Re: Being overprotective

    In your case you had someone trying to force your way of thinking which differs from my case where someone is actually bringing harm to something I've built.


    Yes, when someone is causing harm to something you've built, that is an entirely different story and has to be handled directly, for sure.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  8. #8
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    Re: Being overprotective

    If anything he knew I was pretty agitated but I'm unsure of whether or not he actually fully understood the message?

    I do know though that he's a lot more careful about what he's doing (at least in my presence) which is a good thing.

    Others were there as well who understand the bigger picture and can help ensure this guy is a bit more thoughtful in his approach overall.

    I guess overall it's turned into a positive, I just don't like the fact I had to lose my sh1t to get it there.
    My Daughter Rules!

    Band of Others: Are you a Gamer looking for a home, look no more bro!

    Ofear.com: Confronting fears, phobias, and panic attacks, in a friendly online community.

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  9. #9
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    Re: Being overprotective

    Quote Originally Posted by Duke View Post

    I guess overall it's turned into a positive, I just don't like the fact I had to lose my sh1t to get it there.
    What I have had the privilege of knowing all these wonderful years about you, Duke, that you have a way of explaining with great care what you want to say with such precise intelligence. There is a certain point in life that comes when you can explain and explain, and if someone isn't getting it, your reactions are to be understood totally.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  10. #10
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    Re: Being overprotective

    Awwww
    My Daughter Rules!

    Band of Others: Are you a Gamer looking for a home, look no more bro!

    Ofear.com: Confronting fears, phobias, and panic attacks, in a friendly online community.

    Movie Talk: Like discussing movies, tv and streaming media, well so do we.

  11. #11
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    Re: Being overprotective

    Quote Originally Posted by Duke View Post
    Awwww
    Right back at you!
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  12. #12
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    Re: Being overprotective

    I guess overall it's turned into a positive
    There you - positive reaction from a negative

    Originally posted by LUBA

    What I have had the privilege of knowing all these wonderful years about you, Duke, that you have a way of explaining with great care what you want to say with such precise intelligence. There is a certain point in life that comes when you can explain and explain, and if someone isn't getting it, your reactions are to be understood totally.
    Seems like you know what to say, when too & how too

  13. #13
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    Re: Being overprotective

    Quote Originally Posted by Rosie Sanchez View Post
    I guess overall it's turned into a positive
    There you - positive reaction from a negative

    Originally posted by LUBA

    What I have had the privilege of knowing all these wonderful years about you, Duke, that you have a way of explaining with great care what you want to say with such precise intelligence. There is a certain point in life that comes when you can explain and explain, and if someone isn't getting it, your reactions are to be understood totally.

    Seems like you know what to say, when too & how too
    Thank you, Rosie, it's SO easy to say wonderful things to my husband, to Duke and his brother, too! They light up my life immensely. It's not been an easy road for me as I felt a lost Soul growing up as a kid, in my marriage, and as a Mom, too. I was very fortunate to meet kind, happy, loving, people with a sense of humour and also found the right books, too. As life progressed I found I was better at studying people than textbooks.
    Last edited by Luba; 04-21-2015 at 08:12 AM.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


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