Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    3

    Am I Heartless? Immature? Pls guide

    Hello, good day everyone. I'm new here.
    I have this unresolved issue which I'm trying to explain and in need some guidance or opinion. I'm not sure where I should post, should I post at wrong section please do let me know and I apologize in advanced.

    My grandma passed away when I was 10, she was diagnosed with some kind of cancer (I do not know, even when I ask...no one bother to tell me). All I ever remember...she is loving and caring. She is a goddess to me. She had 5 children, 4 son and a daughter. My father is the fourth.

    A years before my grandma passed, none of her child are willing to take care of her. Even my father wouldn't take care of her because my step mom said so (My parents divorces when I was 3). My grandma passed away alone during sleep...I do not had the chance to see her one last time. During my grandma funeral, her husband (My grandpa) were never there. He's with his new lover. Her son are arguing (I do not know what they are arguing either).

    I ran away back to my mom side when I was 16...I couldn't stand living quarrel everyday with step mom. My sis and I are not allowed to watch TV, house work every day and night. They even lock the food like instant noodle and drinks inside the drawer.

    I'm married in 2011, before that I delivered the invitation to my grandpa and the very first thing he said is; "Why are you here?" His tone of voice is like I'm after his wealth. None of my family show up at my wedding night.

    Recently, my grandpa is diagnosed with some sort of illness. I never bother to ask either. I have been receiving calls from my sis and my uncle. They said my grandpa wanted to see me. I visited him last nigh because my mom wanted me too. When I arrived, he's lying on the bed...skinny (the stomach are no longer visible, like a skeleton). I said nothing, I feel nothing...no anger, no sentiment...I did not shed tear as if I do not know this man at all. This morning I told my sister and my uncle that I will not put my name on the family trees and I'm cutting ties from them starting today...even with my sis.

    I'm not sure what I'm doing is "right" or "wrong"...
    If there's some matter (you) need to ask me before giving me guidance, I will answer it. I apologize again for my poor grammar and my poor English. Thank you.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    1,538

    Re: Am I Heartless? Immature? Pls guide

    Hi HeartBreakKid

    Firstly, welcome to LifeSupporters.

    You certainly have had some challenges in your life and beginning at such an early age.

    Dealing with family matters is one of the hardest to deal with for many of us. I am always reminded of the saying "We can choose our friends but not our family".

    I am of the opinion that you do not have to get on with everyone in your family. You are all individuals with different characters and personalities, leading to differing points of view. This, naturally leads to bickering or if things get out of hand, to arguments and disagreements.

    Cutting away from your family members completely can be both a relief and a distress.

    Relief because you are not facing the daily issues or drama's and are free to continue your life, without being questioned or facing what I call 'family blackmail' to do something you do not want to do.

    Distress because, unless you are truely hard hearted or there was something that happened which caused a danger to you, we all live with the 'guilt' of not being a part of the bigger group.

    There will also be times where you will actually miss the interaction with them, probably more with your Sister than the older generation.

    Maybe it is worth going and talking with your Sister about things. There may be a time in the future where having your Sister in your life will be extremly important.

    I hope what I've written helps a little. I look forward to reading your comments.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    3

    Re: Am I Heartless? Immature? Pls guide

    I do feel relief when I decided to cut ties with 'them' and I certainly won't miss any one of them. I remember how they 'hurt' my mom...my grandma.

    But I do not hate my sis...the only reason I cut ties with her too is because a foolish reason. She just start a relationship, she work well...have a group of nice friends. She changed from a shy, depress with anger management issue girl into cheering lovely woman. She can take care of her own better than I do. It made me feel 'useless' as a brother...it feels like I'm a stain in her life.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    3

    Re: Am I Heartless? Immature? Pls guide

    Will my son think of me as a heartless father?

    I was informed that my grandpa will not last any longer...probably these few days he will 'passed' but I have made my decision to not pay him another visit nor attend his funeral. But my mom insist I should go, attend as a 'friend' not a family member.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    1,538

    Re: Am I Heartless? Immature? Pls guide

    You mention that you are reacting to what has happened to your Mom in the past which has been part of your feeling the way you do now.

    I also read she has asked you to attend (either the hospital or the funeral) and maybe you should do this out of thought for her as you clearly are very close to her.

    Sometimes we just have to acknowledge that this "chapter" of our life is over by being there. To physically draw a line. If you do decide to attend the funeral I am sure you Mom would be grateful and you could just politely leave straight after!

    Would this be something you would consider?
    Last edited by Rosie Sanchez; 07-22-2015 at 02:29 PM.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    11

    Re: Am I Heartless? Immature? Pls guide

    your anger will serve you nothing. harboring grudge only gives burden to you of most people.

    i don't like my parents as well. i keep the communication to a minimum because if we talk for more than an hour, certainly, i would hurt them and they would disappoint me. (i'm kinda liberated and they are too conservative).

    i know that if someone is toxic to you, just cut ties. you don't need their negativity.
    but, if they are no longer negative and is even trying to reach out, i wish there would be space in your heart for forgiveness.

    truth be told, most likely, i would not have a speech on my father's funeral. because as they say, better not speak if you have no kind words to say. but i still try understand his shortcomings. everyone has one.

    so, i think that when your grandfather wanted to see you, he wants forgiveness. maybe his words fail him. but if he didn't care about you, he would not summon you, right?

    yes, they have hurt you. but, they are reconnecting. you can give them another chance of being in your life, if they became better, then good. if not, they can't hurt you more than they have done before as you are stronger now.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Corporate ID Help (Idiots Guide)
    By IR_Efrem in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 02-05-2008, 03:02 PM
  2. Health's Diet Guide
    By Luba in forum Health and Wellness
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 02-17-2007, 07:09 PM
  3. A kids' guide to separation and divorce
    By Luba in forum Separation and Divorce
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 08-09-2006, 12:34 AM
  4. A Guide to European Kissing
    By Merika in forum Entertainment
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 01-09-2006, 01:29 PM
  5. Mixology: A drinkers guide
    By Star in forum Entertainment
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 07-07-2005, 10:11 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •