Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    78

    My oldest daughter has a boyfriend I don't like

    My oldest daughter Nikki whom is 15 has a boyfriend I don't like at all.His name is Jesse,he is disrespectful,rude and treats me like crap.Her bio dad does not like him at all either,he came close to punching him once.Nikki and I always have an argument over this when I bring it up.Says she loves him and he will change.Jesse is 17 years and I caught them in my bed having sex in my bed twice red handed.I about came apart and it was unprotected sex they did.Jesse did not give a crap about it including Nikki.She was lucky,pregnancy tests shown that she was not pregnant.Nikki does not understand raising a child is not easy including Jesse.I told Jesse he is not allowed at my house when I am not there.What can I do?Nikki is not getting it and he has been physically abusive to her lately.Seen a couple bruises on her right arm,said she fell down a couple stairs not telling me the truth.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    1,571

    Re: My oldest daughter has a boyfriend I don't like

    Well firstly as you know she's sexually active and you will not be able to stop her, no matter how much you 'talk' to her, go with her and get her contraception! I speak from experience here. Its a fact, a very very difficult one, that she will continue to sleep with him until you stop challenging her about it, so the best you can do is to help her prevent teen pregnancy. If you just tell her that you would have preferred her to wait but as she is now at this stage the best you and she can do is to help her protect herself.

    Secondly, the 'boyfriend'. You will know, in your heart, the more you challenge, the more she will go against you. We found a half way mark by giving our support to her, saying we would be there, no matter what and to try not to be judgemental.

    Also, check out your legal rights! Where we live a 'child' over the age of 14 but under 16 can be seen as having the rights to choose if they have sex or not and if they say it was consenual there is nothing you can do. From 16 onwards it's their decision. Came as a shock to us I can tell you.

    So check it out because if she's 15 and he's 17 then in some places that is still against the law. Word to the wise though, only use the law if you have no other choice and she's in harm otherwise it becomes just another thing she will challenge you with.

    I would also think of giving her a few 'rules' for when he's in your home - what he's doing by being rude is challenging your control. Say he's allowed there when you are home but he has to be respectful as it is her and your home. I'm sure you've brought her up to be polite at other peoples homes.

    The hardest thing will be to do any of this without becoming angry and judgemental as all we want to do is to protect them.

    I hope this all makes sense and I am only providing this is a guide based on our experience. I would never ever want you to be in the position we were and the reason that brought me to Lifesupporters in the first place. You are welcome to read the thread under my name.

    Good Luck. Let me know what you think about the advice.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    78

    Re: My oldest daughter has a boyfriend I don't like

    Great advice and she is understanding I am not ready to become a grandmother yet.I raised Nikki to be respectful and polite.Jesse did come up to me and apologized for the disrespect he put me through including the rudeness when I came home from work this afternoon.Nikki got to him about this this morning and he felt very bad about it.He did admit physically hurting Nikki a few times,his dad told him that needed to stop.It is starting to get better.Her bio dad,he is glad Jesse is changing his ways too.I am taking Nikki to a specialist to put her on some type of birth control on Friday.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    1,571

    Re: My oldest daughter has a boyfriend I don't like

    I'm glad the advice was of some help to you. With raging hormones and that difficult transition from child to adult (which approaches kids younger and younger these days) it is so difficult not to try and wrap them up in cotton wool.

    Im so glad that they recognise a need to change their approach to the relationship too.

    Hope is on the horizon then

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Somewhere over the rainbow!
    Posts
    26,406

    Re: My oldest daughter has a boyfriend I don't like

    Quote Originally Posted by daniellej View Post
    Great advice and she is understanding I am not ready to become a grandmother yet.I raised Nikki to be respectful and polite.Jesse did come up to me and apologized for the disrespect he put me through including the rudeness when I came home from work this afternoon.Nikki got to him about this this morning and he felt very bad about it.He did admit physically hurting Nikki a few times,his dad told him that needed to stop.It is starting to get better.Her bio dad,he is glad Jesse is changing his ways too.I am taking Nikki to a specialist to put her on some type of birth control on Friday.

    I'm so glad to read that things have changed for the better, Danielle.
    Rosie gave wonderful advice as it seems the only way to handle such a difficult situation.
    Being a grandmother, I STILL wonder why girls and boys want to grow up so quickly and not enjoy every moment of childhood which leaves so quickly.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    78

    Re: My oldest daughter has a boyfriend I don't like

    Went to see the specialist on Friday for the birth control,Nikki was nervous at first and she is going to have it implanted in her left arm which is good for 3 years.Date for that is next week Thursday,her dad is taking her in for that.He even agrees with me on this.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    1,571

    Re: My oldest daughter has a boyfriend I don't like

    Absolutely fantastic that you are all on the same page. It is an "adult" decision that will show her that you accept she is growing up and in that case she too needs to look at life in a more "adult" way. Well done to you and her dad. I applaude you.

    Luba - it is a very sad fact that those days of "childhood" disappear way to quickly. Our society and the access to "adult" situations are more readilly available and accessible. I hear of children of 5/6 having seen "adult movies" or viewed "adult magazines". I weep inwardly too for the loss of childhood for them.

    As parents/grandparents in this day and age we can only do our best to help and guide them, to protect them from things but, if they do come across it, be able to explain as clearly as possible what they have seen/read and what the effects would be from them.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    78

    Re: My oldest daughter has a boyfriend I don't like

    Her dad and I are on the same page,he can't stand any type of abuse.Her dad and I were dating,did fight a lot and we both decided it was best to break up.Great thing was he never laid a hand on me.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Somewhere over the rainbow!
    Posts
    26,406

    Re: My oldest daughter has a boyfriend I don't like

    Quote Originally Posted by Rosie Sanchez View Post

    Luba - it is a very sad fact that those days of "childhood" disappear way to quickly. Our society and the access to "adult" situations are more readilly available and accessible. I hear of children of 5/6 having seen "adult movies" or viewed "adult magazines". I weep inwardly too for the loss of childhood for them.
    Looking back,I kept my own childhood in playing which really helped me get through the many tough times. I'm SO glad I did, I really knew how to play and still do!
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    78

    Re: My oldest daughter has a boyfriend I don't like

    I was raised strictly and hard knocks.My parents raised my two younger sisters and I that we had to take full responsibility for bad actions if we ever did this.I learned my lesson when I was 22 years old and will never forget this.I decided to drive home drunk one night and got stopped busted for a DUI.My parents said they would not bail me out that night and got released the next day.They were glad I took full responsibility,plead guilty and served my time,30 days in jail.My parents were glad I listened to the cop that stopped me and cooperated with her.A friend of mine got busted that night too,with pot(marijuana) and she went to jail with me also.Learned her lesson also.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Your Oldest, Dearest Thing You Can't Throw Away
    By Luba in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-07-2011, 04:54 PM
  2. Oldest Known Person Turns 115
    By Luba in forum The World around us
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-19-2008, 10:28 AM
  3. Oldest thing EVER or Much Ado About Nothing
    By YellowLioness in forum The World around us
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 05-06-2005, 11:04 AM
  4. Met the boyfriend today
    By Star in forum Parenting Forum
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 01-30-2005, 04:04 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •