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  1. #1
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    Shocked & Astounded

    I always say life has a way of surprising you when you least suspect it and frequently tell our children this to prepare them.

    In the past couple of year's I've worked very hard to bring the family to a point of harmony and self-belief so I could send the youngsters out into the world with as much armour as I could to face the many challenges.

    Those who have read my post as to why I came to Lifesupporters will know about the problems we had with our daughter. She turned her life around and, beside a few set backs emotionally, she is continuing to strive to move forward. She is soon to be 20.

    At the same time our son had his own struggles with his identity and who he wanted to be in his career choice. He shuffled from one course to another until he met his lovely girlfriend. They now live together and he now seems to be on a good career path, so much so they've told him he can go through on the "express path" and finish 2 years ahead. He is soon to be 22.

    Imagine my shock, horror, anxiety and concern when he took me aside last night to tell me that during the New Year celebrations he went to a party and decided it was time to try cocaine!

    I'm still reeling. This is not a joke. I just had to hold the counter top and let him explain how and why he decided to do this.

    What came first to mind was .....' how dare you'.

    I did not speak whilst he explained that he wanted to "see what all the fuss was about" and when I asked how he felt after he said "I felt nothing", "I did not get the big reaction everyone said you'd get", "In fact, I find it is still iritating my nose".

    He went on to explain that he had always discussed with me the major decisions in his life, good or bad, and he felt he needed to tell me about this episode. He has asked I do not tell his father and frankly I will not do so as he has to go to the hospital soon for surgery.

    Once I recovered from the shock I did ask if he thought he would try it again and he feels, right now, that he would not, which is based on his comment that he 'felt nothing'. I did explain the danger is that because he had no reaction he was more likely to try it again but a higher dose and from that is the possibility of his becoming more involved with the drug. He did say that he believed he would not try it again and I can only pray he does not.

    His girlfriend was at the party but did not partake, she was, in fact, not in the room when he tried it. I involved her in the discussion and she is gently agreeing with me that he needs to put this in his drawer of experiences and move forward. I know I can count on her to help me to guide him in the correct path and as the party was at the house of her girlfriend's boyfriend I believe she will now drop that relationship based on what has happened.

    He is the kind of kid (man) that needs to be given an alternative option and I said I'd rather see him get another Tattoo than go down a path that would undermine all his hard work with his personal life, college and utlimately his career.

    I am grateful he felt remorse enough that he needed to tell me and right now I can smile about that bit, it is something he has done since he was 8 years old. His inner guilt will generally be a good compass for him and his need to confess is still there even now (for which I am externally grateful). He needs validation that he has done/is doing the right thing, even if to others it's a bad thing (hope that makes sense)

    I ended the discussion by giving (and receiving) a huge hug and thanking him for telling me and left him knowing he can come to me anytime about anything, with the belief that he will.

    Forgive me if it's a bit disjointed however I have not slept at all.

    Besides I had to be up early as our daughter has just left with her boyfriend to return to college after the holidays and her father has taken them with her brother & girlfriend to the airport for their early flight.

    I hope the rest of this year brings more joyous challenges but I shall bring my vigil of our childrens actions up to level 100 as that's what they are "children" no matter how old they get.

  2. #2
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    Re: Shocked & Astounded

    Yeah, that is a shocker.

    But children do these things. We know, because we often have done a few things that would make our parents raise their eyebrows. Most of us can look back on these episodes with an attitude of "yeah, we were stupid once, but it is good for a laugh right now".

    Hopefully it was a one-off experiment and it won't lead to a nasty coke habit. No point in screaming or anything - it is done. The only thing you can do, is to encourage him not to try again.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  3. #3
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    Re: Shocked & Astounded

    Quote Originally Posted by Vautrin View Post
    Yeah, that is a shocker.

    But children do these things. We know, because we often have done a few things that would make our parents raise their eyebrows. Most of us can look back on these episodes with an attitude of "yeah, we were stupid once, but it is good for a laugh right now".

    Hopefully it was a one-off experiment and it won't lead to a nasty coke habit. No point in screaming or anything - it is done. The only thing you can do, is to encourage him not to try again.

    So true Vautrin and the basis of how I deal with them both! These days it cannot be "do as I say, not do as I do"......... kids are smarter and more challenging and more adventurous at earlier ages than we probably were! Yes, I know you're in the 'younger' age bracket too

    His girlfriend and I sat talking yesterday and she too was shocked and has since spoken with him (as only girlfriends can do) and she has asked him not to do it again, which he has agreed (to my relief). It will never stop me from worrying but maybe I can take the factor down to 98 instead of 100 now

    I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, I have 10 more grey hairs today than there were yesterday

  4. #4
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    Re: Shocked & Astounded

    Just silently laugh to yourself, and think that your children will struggle with their kids.

    I can imagine (if I ever get kids) a grandchild of mine preparing themselves before they tell their parents that they did something stupid, by printing out a FaceBook post of said parents doing the exact same stupid thing.


    Screen grabs for the win!

    Woman Live-Tweets the Nauseating Turbulence of an Airplane Breakup - Cheezburger

    "You were saying daddy?"

    Or some legendary dating exploits:
    https://i.chzbgr.com/full/8465787136/hB4D8CAC3/

    Or mom being dedicated to college:
    https://i.chzbgr.com/full/8392230912/hF68CE4C3/
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  5. #5
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    Re: Shocked & Astounded

    OOh so true .........

  6. #6
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    Re: Shocked & Astounded

    Now, you might want to arm your future grandchildren with a screen grab or two.

    Show them to your kids - you can maybe utilise the as the most effective bribing sources imaginable.

    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  7. #7
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    Re: Shocked & Astounded

    Quote Originally Posted by Vautrin View Post
    Now, you might want to arm your future grandchildren with a screen grab or two.

    Show them to your kids - you can maybe utilise the as the most effective bribing sources imaginable.

    Knowing our two they'll be very proud of their antics LOL

  8. #8
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    Re: Shocked & Astounded

    Rosie, I admire how you handled a difficult situation. I'm not good with 'shocks' myself and am learning to step back, too, until I can deal with them more calmly.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  9. #9
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    Re: Shocked & Astounded

    Quote Originally Posted by Luba View Post
    Rosie, I admire how you handled a difficult situation. I'm not good with 'shocks' myself and am learning to step back, too, until I can deal with them more calmly.
    I have learned with our two to listen carefully to what is not being said, then respond. I do hope they stop with the challenges now, could do with a break

  10. #10
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    Re: Shocked & Astounded

    Well Rosie, there is being proud of having done something stupid and letting the world know about it,

    and there is incriminating evidence on why your parents can be safely ignored. Exhibit 1: drinking.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images...girl_drunk.jpg
    http://images.dailydawdle.com/drunk-...ail-funny1.jpg
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  11. #11
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    Re: Shocked & Astounded

    Quote Originally Posted by Vautrin View Post
    Well Rosie, there is being proud of having done something stupid and letting the world know about it,

    and there is incriminating evidence on why your parents can be safely ignored. Exhibit 1: drinking.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images...girl_drunk.jpg
    http://images.dailydawdle.com/drunk-...ail-funny1.jpg

    Well I never understand how putting a black bar across someone's eyes would disguise the identity of the person . Mind you people never guessed who Superman was !!

  12. #12
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    Re: Shocked & Astounded

    The eye bar is completely ineffective. If you know the person, you can identify them.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  13. #13
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    Re: Shocked & Astounded

    Quote Originally Posted by Vautrin View Post
    The eye bar is completely ineffective. If you know the person, you can identify them.
    Precisely, so you might just as well take ownership and say 'yep, that was me' - screenshot it and keep it for posterity

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