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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2016

    Violent and abusive brother

    Urgent help needed!!

    I am one of 3 children, im the oldest girl (22) and I have twin brothers who are 13.. One of them is fine, sociable and fun and the other is extremely violent and abusive.

    He was diagnosed at the age of six on the autistic spectrum and has progressively gotten worse as he's got older. He is so violent and loses his temper at any little thing. Even though he's 13, he's about 5'8 and very strong... When he wants to hurt you he will do a very good job of it and we are all terrified of him. My mum and stepdad let him get away with anything just to avoid a violent row.

    He's extremely intelligent which is hard for specialists to deal with and each one say they have never dealt with anyone like him and give up on us after a few days. No one will help us and I'm at loss.. He's broken my wrist, fingers and given the whole family multiple bruises and cuts. He will never accept that he started this or that and doesn't give a damn if he hurt us or show any emotion or sympathy apart from crying from anger. It's also not nice being told that he hopes someone murders me in my sleep, nearly all the time. I can't deal with this anymore. I have Addison's disease and I shouldn't be under this much stress but I can't leave my parents to deal with it as it breaks my mums heart. Any answers please?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    The Cloud of Unknowing

    Re: Violent and abusive brother

    Hi and welcome to the forums Tiaumon. Wish it were under happier circumstances.

    What you are describing is an extremely difficult situation. And it is completely understandable that everyone is at their wits end, and does not really know how to deal and cope with the situation. And he is only 13, so his strength will substantially increase in the next few years.

    If nothing gets done, this will end badly in all likelihood. Since I am not an expert, I can't really pinpoint the exact route for your mom and stepdad to take, but I would certainly try to keep reaching out to people in school, and the professionals, as disappointing as they have been up to now.

    Your mom and stepdad are only setting everyone else up for this getting progressively worse, by not taking decisive action. But I'll be the first to admit that it is very hard to take decisive action in this matter - and from the little that you have written it is not for a lack of trying.

    From the little you have written it seems that it is next to impossible to keep him at home. It might be barely doable now, but in 2-3 years time, it will probably and sadly be a different story. And if your brother causes a major injury to someone, it will financially ruin your parents as well, as they're still legally responsible for him. And that is not to speak of the emotional scars that your brother may well inflict upon everyone over the course of time. He is already doing that.

    You and your family have reached out for help, only to have the professionals time and again bail out on you. That in itself is evidence that the situation is quite desperate.

    It is possible that for some reason he is responding badly to something in his environment (for instance some food additives are known to cause such issues). I do hope that by now your parents have been able to rule out such a cause for your brother's behavior.

    And if they have, I'd be looking into getting him full-time in a care facility for children with these kind of issues - because what you're describing sounds quite scary and I can fully understand that you are hesitant to be in such a situation, and that is not even considering the fact that you're suffering from Addisons.

    I am sure your parents must have thought about such a solution, but they probably have their reservations, or are living in the hope that he will somehow start behaving. Or think it is cruel to the other brother, to be separated from his twin brother.

    The big question is: are such facilities available? And are your parents, willing to get him into such a place? And if not to the latter question, is there a chance that you can persuade them?

    I am sorry I can't offer more help.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2016

    Re: Violent and abusive brother

    I hope he have his peaceful moments.

    Isn't there something that put him in a light mood? If there is, that is the time you discuss with him possible resolution for his actions. Like for example, he likes skiing. Go ski with him and during relax time, tell him how you were feeling.

    Or write a handwritten letter.

    May I suggest you research about ayahuasca brew or other spiritual retreats since western medical doctors already have difficulty with him, why not explore the traditional approach, right?

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