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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Somewhere over the rainbow!
    Posts
    26,539

    Church Ladies With Typewriters

    I received this in an email this morning and had to share!
    ------------------------------------------------------




    They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The Fasting & Prayer conference includes meal

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    Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    --------------------------


    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'.
    The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'

    --------------------------
    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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    Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

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    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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    Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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    This evening at 7PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM . Please use the back door.

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    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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    Weight Watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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    And this one just about sums them all up--


    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
    'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    The Cloud of Unknowing
    Posts
    17,408

    Re: Church Ladies With Typewriters

    Those are all hilarious!
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    1,589

    Re: Church Ladies With Typewriters



    Soo funny

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Somewhere over the rainbow!
    Posts
    26,539

    Re: Church Ladies With Typewriters

    I thought they would be enjoyed and I'm glad I posted them.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


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