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06-06-2016, 09:23 AM #1New Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2016
Just under a year ago our family separated due to my eldest son's mental health problems and he challenging behaviour of my youngest son and husband. The children (now 15 and 17) were on Child Protection Plans for six months and I moved, with my eldest son, to stay with my sister and her family. Eventually, I found a house close to where my husband and youngest son were staying and we moved there so I could provide support to my youngest son. Now the situation seems to have calmed down, my youngest son has moved in with me and my eldest and my husband is due to move back at the end of the week.
However, I am worried. I had to give up permanent, full time employment due to caring responsibilities for my eldest (who has Asperger syndrome and mental health difficulties). I am struggling to make ends meet with work that I can do from home (most of it on zero hours or temporary contracts) My youngest is still no receiving full time education and I have to coax him into working with the home tutor, and plan for the next academic year. My eldest still has no plans in place for his future and my husband (who also has AS) is still unpredictable with respect to his behaviour.
Currently, my youngest sleeps in the same bedroom as me because there were serious issues when he shared a room with his brother previously. This is inappropriate, but I am getting a sofa bed for the living room and I will move downstairs when it arrives. My husband will probably end up sleeping in my youngest son's room. Whichever way I look at it, there are problems related to overcrowding and the space needed by two autistic individuals to regulate and the added risk of a history of abusive behaviour concerning my youngest and his brother.
Yet I want us to be a family and live in harmony. My husband cannot afford to stay where he is and I want to care for my family. However, I do not know if it will work out.
Has anyone ever been through something similar? I would love to hear from anyone in a similar situation.
06-07-2016, 01:32 PM #2
Firstly, welcome to Lifesupporters. I hope that you find the guidance and advice you are seeking from our threads.
What an amazing person you are dealing with all the issues surrounding you at this time. I have no experience of what you are going through so can only hope those who have will send some of their thoughts/experiences to you.
I truly hope you find a path to bring your family together and have a settled life.
Please do keep posting even if it's just your thoughts at that moment in time to allow you to vent.
Wish you luck in the next few weeks.
06-08-2016, 02:16 PM #3
Hello and welcome to Lifesupporters nun.
It's going to be difficult to find someone in the same position you're in I'm afraid, I've not heard of anyone around here anyway.
I do understand your desire to be a family and live in harmony but that may not be the most realistic goal either given the tumultuous nature of some of the relationships within.
Have you sought out the help of a family counselor or some other professional who can help you in setting up a living situation that works for the family?
06-11-2016, 05:56 PM #4
06-12-2016, 03:17 AM #5New Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2016
Hello Rosie and Duke,
Thank you for your replies. It is a difficult situation and that is why professional intervention generally, has been a little ineffective. I think perhaps there may be a 'natural' resolution. Perhaps due to his Asperger syndrome, my husband no longer wishes to live with us (our children and me). He will visit every day and I will cook his meals and so on, but he is going to try to keep his accommodation for as long as possible and then lodge with friends. He also needs to explore work, benefit and re-housing as options that can help him to live separately. I have applied for a larger house, but the application is still being processed.
Currently, I am trying to keep the boys stable. My youngest son is going to look around a local school and another educational provider (for dis-engaged pupils) this week and he is talking quite positively about the visits. My eldest son spoke to a Personalised Pathway provider last week and he is planning to slowly embark of some supported work experience and learning opportunities. I am searching for more ways to bring in some income.
So perhaps the reunion will not occur as quickly as I thought.
Thank you again for your support.
06-12-2016, 03:20 PM #6
Many families have been known to exist happily whilst living apart, just so long as communication and contact is maintained. It cannot have been an easy decision for either you or your husband to follow the path you are on, only time will tell for you both. So happy to hear your sons are both engaged in doing what is needed for them (school and work). I hope that it ultimately brings you all a settled existance with all the love you share being at its most effective.
I hope the application for large accommodation goes through for you and that you find some other employment. Well done you for doing what you are to maintain your family life.
Make sure you take a few moments a day to value yourself. Your own health and well being is important too and we are here for you.
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