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  1. #1
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    Losing trust in my boss

    I used to think my boss is one of the greats but as of late I've been losing considerable amounts of trust in him.

    My boss is between 6 months to a year out of retirement (as he puts it) but lately he's been horribly inconsistent in his approach to his job and the situations arising thereof.

    As an example, my boss hates the new Production Manager and mistrusts him so much so that he'll actually avoid the Production Manager and have me deal with him.

    Well last week I was doing what the Production Manager and Purchasing Manger asked of me when my boss came storming into my Office and blamed me for not including him in what we were doing.

    Now outbreaks happen at work and I fully understand that but this was both unwarranted and unfounded. Not only this, he yelled at me in front of these other two then stormed away after yelling at me for "not including him".

    Sorry to say but if you're yelling at someone for not being included, the least you can do is stick around and include yourself. Seriously, he looked like an ass for his overreaction but only made it worse by looking stupid in storming away.

    My boss would also have me think that the Production Manager is the d3vil, and in truth he is flaky, but is he as bad as my boss is making him out to be?

    Then there's the other longstanding issues that make me question as to whether or not I should have trust in my boss at all. I've commented both annually and bi-annually for the past several years that I deserve a raise. My performance appraisals are excellent as is my job knowledge, helpfulness and years of experience yet no raise has ever been given.

    Last week I received a raise from the Production Manager that my boss does nothing but demean. This has me thinking, has my boss been appealing to the amiable/expressive part of my personality up front but secretly been anything other than an ally?

    I'm really starting to wonder as he's not even owned up to this event that sparked my mistrust and I don't expect he will. He has this habit of ignoring opinion misaligned with his own unless he can see a benefit after the fact.

    Everything that falls outside of this realm is immediately invalidated and forgotten by my boss, at least as far as I can tell.

    I can say without hesitation that this will not slide next time. The only reason I didn't yell back or chase after him is because I was actually in shock from it.

    If he ever tries something even close to this I'll charge after him and confront him with it right away. I have no problems taking it over his head as well as this type of situation is completely unacceptable.

    Anyway I'm just curious as to whether or not anyone else has ever run into a similar situation with their boss?
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  2. #2
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    Re: Losing trust in my boss

    Anyway I'm just curious as to whether or not anyone else has ever run into a similar situation with their boss?


    Similar situations have happened to me with three different managers/supervisors at two separate jobs. Considering the three different jobs I've had with many managers/supervisors through the years. three isn't too bad.

    In hindsight, I would handle 'events' differently now than I did then. When a person is too close to a bad situation, emotions and hurt run high. I actually felt so angry with one of the managers that I left the job because I believe I was almost close to a breakdown. I actually am thankful to her now because I went to another job that brought me SO much happiness and will look at that last job as a highlight in my life. I had a wonderful boss, several managers that were great, only two that seemed to think they were like goddesses once they were promoted to managers, acted superior and worse yet, became back stabbers, too.

    Sometimes if a boss or person acts one way, and then starts acting totally different, either they are going through something deep in their lives or they weren't sincere in the first place. Still, it doesn't give him/her an excuse to demean one at any time, and not in front of other workers.

    Maybe a good idea would be to go and talk to him in his office privately in a calm manner and tell him how you feel and how you felt when he demeaned you. Your trust in him has definitely eroded as happens with these kinds of managers, but at least you may be able to stay calm around him until he retires.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

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  3. #3
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    Re: Losing trust in my boss

    Getting it out in the open and discussing it and/or abrupt confrontation is how I typically deal with most issues however this guy is a bit different when it comes to admitting fault.

    His way is to ignore any issues thus believing issues are now invalidated and as such no longer exist. His other approach is to just make light of it thus deflating any issue (at least this is my best guess).

    The problem with both of these approaches is the situation is never truly resolved and should a similar one arise matters only worsen. He learns nothing and continues on oblivious.

    I've approached him a few times about questionable judgement and he shrugs it off completely as if it's a non-issue.

    As of last week I'm tired of perpetuating the above and clear on one point, unless I stand firm on this he won't even bother to change.

    ...and even if he doesn't change this about himself I really don't care but I'm not going to allow myself to get steam rolled under the weight of his denial.

    This time around I've decided to deeply consider this and all previous behavior and have come to some interesting conclusions. If I were so inclined I could paint a very unflattering picture of the boss he actually is and there is plenty of evidence to support this mindset.

    I'm being careful not to jump to any conclusions of course but it's necessary to breath life into this issue if it's to remain relevant. See I'm an amiable/expressive personality type where he's probably a driver. This shouldn't be an issue really because I have no problem dealing with analytical and driver personality types but he's simply either unwilling or unable to deal with expressive.

    Amiable is easy, just feed them weak compliments or blow smoke up their rear and it's all good; this does not work with expressive.

    Up until last week I was his sounding board on everything but I've made it clear I'm no longer approachable and he's keeping his distance because of it.

    Does he know why, is he considering this issue or is he just waiting for the situation to deflate itself?

    This I do not know but what I do know is that if I'm to bend yet again nothing will change and that's just asking too much.

    Worse yet I fully realize the mindset I've created is unhealthy however I cannot think of another approach that will satisfy me. At 48 years old I'm a few years into the realization that the only commodity we cannot get back is time so I'm careful not to waste it.

    In this situation it's just much easier to step away from this person rather than waste my time trying to get through to him. I've spent the past few years doing just that and I've had enough of it.

    It's also helped deflate both the anger and disappointment I have in him as each passing day sees my investment in this person diminish.
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  4. #4
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    Re: Losing trust in my boss

    I think your diagnosis is quite reasonable Duke. It is easier to pay (false) compliments than actually putting money aside to pay staff better. Managers in general excel in that. And it is a key reason why my wife left her previous job. All talk about how great she was etc., no pay increase. While people who were busy kissing arse got hefty pay increases.

    As for resolving this, I am not sure what to suggest. Playing the waiting game won't work, since it will simply be ignored and then forgotten.

    Maybe the issue is that you're still there, rather than applying for jobs elsewhere. Might be fun to come back to this man-ager (hyphen is deliberate), when you have an offer that gives you much more than this man-ager is currently willing to give you.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  5. #5
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    Re: Losing trust in my boss

    Thanks for the reply Vautrin and I think you're right, playing the waiting game won't work on this guy at all.

    To be fair I don't know if I'm waiting though because waiting suggests I'm taking an active role in this situation which I am in one sense but not in another.

    From an active standpoint I've changed the way I deal with this person however the passive part is that I don't care if I see resolution anymore. I've convinced myself that allowing this much time to pass without some measure of recognition is a sign of either disrespect or ignorance.

    I can't allow myself to be a part of it anymore so I've taken several steps back now. This person has become a mistrusted co-worker and is now at an arms length. I don't know how he can't notice it as he gets short disinterested answers from me now and discussion no longer blossoms as it once did.

    Maybe he does notice, maybe he doesn't, either way I'm no longer invested.

    I've been speaking with the Company President about their Web presence and have been working toward that end. Our Companies Website is just horrific given the amount of money they've put into it so I've been demonstrating to them why it's so bad.

    I'm hoping this gets me into helping grow our Corporate Website as this would be a terrific feather in my cap and look great on my resume.
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  6. #6
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    Re: Losing trust in my boss

    Growing the corporate website would definitely be a great addition to your resume.

    If you can't relaly work with this guy, try to find ways around him, without it being too obvious. That is the great thing with your skillset: you can contribute everywhere, not just as some glorified assistant to any particular person.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  7. #7
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    Re: Losing trust in my boss

    Quote Originally Posted by Vautrin View Post
    Growing the corporate website would definitely be a great addition to your resume.

    If you can't relaly work with this guy, try to find ways around him, without it being too obvious. That is the great thing with your skillset: you can contribute everywhere, not just as some glorified assistant to any particular person.
    I only circumvent the chain of command when I have a legitimate beef that can't be construed as personal which this could be. It's rare for me to circumvent anyone in this chain as I see it as a show of disrespect.

    This happens all to commonly at my job and I refuse to be a party to it. It's the reason people don't work together well because it's become a giant soap opera.

    The other problem with this is he's watching me like a Hawk now and just gets all pissy when anyone talks to me. He's like a clingy girlfriend at this point, expecting me to cheat at any moment.

    The Production Manager was asking me questions today about a project I'm working on and this got on my boss' nerves. He complained that the Production Manager never speaks to him about any of this stuff.

    Well boss
    1. I'll forget more than you'll ever know about the subject matter and
    2. you treat the Production Manager like an @ss

    ...what do you think is going to be the end result?

    He's stated numerous times to me now he's just riding out the next 6 - 8 months until retirement. He's even stated to both the Production Manager and President that he's willing to be laid off.

    Clearly he's miserable and all he's going to do is make those of us who have to work round him miserable as well.
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  8. #8
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    Re: Losing trust in my boss

    So as it turns out in the end it was just better to proceed as if nothing had happened. The reason why is it just made things that much more tense all the time especially with him hovering at distance like a buzzard waiting for the carcass to stop moving.

    He's proceeding as if nothing has happened (as usual) but for me the change is irreversible. I now have lost pretty much all respect for my boss but the facade affords me insight into his misery. He's continually chirping about the state of things and I must admit I need to be kept apprised of this stuff if I'm to consider taking his job when he leaves.

    In saying all that, the situation that sparked this entire post won't be allowed to repeat itself. If anything even close to it happens again I'm going to address it immediately regardless of whom may be present.
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