I've come to Lifesupporters lately trying to get myself to share about this sadness happening within our family. A diagnosis for one of the least treatable of cancers. My beloved brother seems to be accepting that it may not be a good outcome, and seems to be the only one handling whatever comes his way.

As for me, having lost my own parents and one brother already, not to count other relatives who have passed on, I find these emotions coming upon me harder to bear. Maybe it's because he and I are the only ones left from our original family. I think it's more to do with how much I love him, admire and respect him and always have.

I find myself going through a range of emotions from deep sobbing, to feeling lost just standing in mid-room not knowing if I should move, or just stand there, numb a lot of the time, acceptance some of the time, and outrageous laughter when something seems funny; there is no medium to my emotions at all.

I used to think I should try and be strong and realizing that I wasn't being true to myself or anyone else for that matter. Now I just go with whatever is happening within and somehow it feels true, if nothing else.

There is more I could say but won't, at least this is a start...or maybe won't even be saying more, I just don't know.