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  1. #1
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    Life Changing Diagnosis Within Family

    I've come to Lifesupporters lately trying to get myself to share about this sadness happening within our family. A diagnosis for one of the least treatable of cancers. My beloved brother seems to be accepting that it may not be a good outcome, and seems to be the only one handling whatever comes his way.

    As for me, having lost my own parents and one brother already, not to count other relatives who have passed on, I find these emotions coming upon me harder to bear. Maybe it's because he and I are the only ones left from our original family. I think it's more to do with how much I love him, admire and respect him and always have.

    I find myself going through a range of emotions from deep sobbing, to feeling lost just standing in mid-room not knowing if I should move, or just stand there, numb a lot of the time, acceptance some of the time, and outrageous laughter when something seems funny; there is no medium to my emotions at all.

    I used to think I should try and be strong and realizing that I wasn't being true to myself or anyone else for that matter. Now I just go with whatever is happening within and somehow it feels true, if nothing else.

    There is more I could say but won't, at least this is a start...or maybe won't even be saying more, I just don't know.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    whos getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  2. #2
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    Re: Life Changing Diagnosis Within Family

    So sorry to hear that Luba.

    It is really tough to deal with cancers, especially when the prospects do not look too promising. It is hard to keep living in the present - memories and questions make it hard to do that. Questions that don't have answers, and memories that must span quite a few decades. So it is easy to get paralyzed by these questions, and memories. I suppose, (though I am not that old), that as we age, we come to face our own mortality too. As we age, we can't live forever, and that can be a depressing realization as well.

    But maybe, and it is hard to do, try to find ways to be grateful for all the good times you have had.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  3. #3
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    Re: Life Changing Diagnosis Within Family

    I think you're experiencing anticipatory grief as he's already accepted a fate that you wish he wouldn't.

    I fully understand why you would feel this way and to be honest I'd like to see him last forever as well but sadly that won't be the case for any of us. In this case it almost looks as if he's trying to take control over an aspect of his life that he has full control over.

    I've personally never felt like he had a lot of control over many aspects of his life so to me I understand his decision but hate it at the same time.

    He is the last living member of your previous family prior to your new family (husband, children, grandchildren) so I totally understand where you're coming from. He's the last link to your past and I understand why that is difficult if you believe this to be true.

    Personally I believe he is not the last link to the past, you are. The past lives through you and he becomes a very warm and positive light in a past that may not have always been light.

    Honestly I choose to believe that all that really happens is he transitions from an angel in real life to an angel in spirit. We know his decision so we know he goes in peace and that's a lot better than most people get.
    My Daughter Rules!

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  4. #4
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    Re: Life Changing Diagnosis Within Family

    I have studied a lot of information online that is helpful supplying good information. The fact that everyone in the family is finding it very difficult to see my brother the way he is now. He is so weak and giving up, it's hard to find comfort or even provide comfort to anyone in the family. He's been in so much pain for almost a year, and he is very tired, drained, thin, and his quality of life is missing. Some of us in the family are getting together more often.

    I still am true to myself with all my feelings at home, just letting what is happening to me to happen like shaking sometimes, crying often and then moving one foot in front of the other. A lot of the time I'm still lost, in a fog, or a daze.

    What is really helping me now is that I think only of sharing precious moments with him NOW and they are deeper, truer, even more loving than ever, a tremendous Gift to me between my beloved brother and me.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    whos getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  5. #5
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    Re: Life Changing Diagnosis Within Family

    I am sorry to hear about your brother Luba. I have been there and it is hard. You have my deepest sympathies. The fact that he is accepting of it is helpful somewhat, or it was when my brother was dying. Sending hugs.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

  6. #6
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    Re: Life Changing Diagnosis Within Family

    I am so sorry for what you're going through Luba, lots of love and support from across here

  7. #7
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    Re: Life Changing Diagnosis Within Family

    Thank you for all your kindnesses! I will need to hold them close to my heart now as my beloved brother has passed away.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    whos getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  8. #8
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    Re: Life Changing Diagnosis Within Family

    Our love and thoughts are with you and your family dearest Luba.

  9. #9
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    Re: Life Changing Diagnosis Within Family

    It took me a long time to organize my thoughts but for better or worse I've dealt with the situation in the best way I know:

    http://lifesupporters.com/family/in-...ar-uncle-peter
    Last edited by Duke; 11-22-2016 at 12:21 PM.
    My Daughter Rules!

    Band of Others: Are you a Gamer looking for a home, look no more bro!

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  10. #10
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    Re: Life Changing Diagnosis Within Family

    Duke, I found what you have written as honest, caring and loving. Your Uncle Peter sounded like the kind of guy who would have understood and heartily accepted your decisions. Thank you for posting it and for the photo.

  11. #11
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    Re: Life Changing Diagnosis Within Family

    A wonderful tribute.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

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