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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    Well, my other post belongs in the section I put it in because it mostly dealt with my past and being separated then divorced, etc. etc... but I suppose this one should go here.

    It all began with Guitar Hero II, actually. I'll copy and paste a blog I wrote back in May here and we'll just take it from there:

    May 9, 2007 - Wednesday

    I have fallen...
    Current mood: rejuvenated
    Category: Romance and Relationships

    The best things in life.. are unexpected.

    So... here's the story:

    It actually begins with the Guitar Hero II game my son got this past Christmas. It was because of this game that I discovered the band All That Remains. I looked them up on myspace and while on their page I noticed the last person to leave them a comment was this really attractive redhead...

    (This was the picture I saw at the time along with the comment):



    ...so I think to myself, "Wow.. she's pretty hot, and maybe that's her little boy, too..?!" and I click to go check out her page on myspace. (A while back I decided that I really was only interested in people who also had children because after being a single dad for 4 years now, if you don't have kids - you don't really have any idea what any part of my life has been or is like. lol) So yeah, anyway... her page was private. Grr. I decided I'd send a friend request and also a message so she wouldn't think it was just some random person and wonder why I'd sent the friend request. Well, she accepted the request and left me a comment about All That Remains and that was pretty much that for a while.

    A while later, though, we started talking here and there and instantly I thought, "Wow... this chic is really something.. and we seem to have a lot in common." ...it was around this time that I learned she was........ DUHN DUHN DUHN .......married. :: sigh :: Oh well, I remember thinking: "At least we can be friends - can never have too many of those."

    The more we talked, the more it seemed we had so much more in common. The more we talked, the more fascinated I became. ...and the more we talked, the more I learned of this beautiful girl feeling trapped and miserable in a marriage to someone who absolutely did not treat her the way any loving husband would and should treat his wife. The more details I learned, the less I cared that they were legally married... and yes that sounds bad, believe me I know... but she said they were basically like roommates for so long and nothing more. (I mean hell, on their first anniversary years ago.. he took his wedding ring off and never put it back on, [he also started looking at porn online whether she was around or not and started pointing out women he thought were hot while they were out together at the mall, etc. and made comments to her about wishing he could have sex with them] -- the first time he introduced her after they were married, he referred to her as his "girlfriend" not his "wife" and didn't correct himself, either. He told her, "Nobody my age gets married. I don't want anyone to think I'm weird or something." And to top it off, [at least out of the details I will allow myself to share on her behalf], when she recently discussed his obsession with him wanting to sleep with other women he told her: "We're 24 and 23 -- WHY should we be in a monogamous relationship?" Um.... because you're married and you were supposed to have committed the rest of your life to that one person, that's why. There's a ton more that I wish I could share, especially to everyone who apparantly idolizes this guy and thinks she should give him another chance.. wow, if you people only knew all the details... you'd probably go beat down his door and then beat his ASS.)

    So there it is. Something I still can't believe has happened, yet it has happened. Yes, she's still legally married and she has kept relatively quiet about being miserable for so long that it all was a huge shock to everyone of her friends and family.... but it was not a planned thing. In talking to me, she realized just how special she really is and that she really deserves to be treated so much better.... that ultimately was my only goal, for her to realize such things as that......... but somewhere along the way, we both fell for each other and after spending nearly a week together.. we're both desperately longing to be together again.

    I can't keep such incredible feelings for someone to myself. I can't hide it, nor can I deny it (and I would never do such a thing regardless).

    I love her, and I would go to any lengths to make her happy.... what I wish more than anything, though, is that her family would see this guy for what he really is and support her in her choice to better herself and to be happy. Why on earth would you want a family member or a friend to be miserable and stay with someone who treats them like crap???

    I want nothing but the best for her... she deserves no less.



    Again I say: The best things in life.. are unexpected.

    I love you, Christel.



    So, this blog was typed only days after she had come to visit me in Tennessee. Something we had only talked about happening at some point far down the road, but one day she called me and said: "Are you ready for me?" I was like, "Huh?" She told me she was on the interstate on her way to see me and I was just.. shocked. I never asked her to do it, she just decided to leave one day and do it. Her son was left with his father because he had some cyst or something removed from his leg or something and he had a whole week off and she told him he needed to spend the week with his son because when he was off work he always went out and did things on his own, without either of them usually. So, he'd never spent any real time with his son and she thought it was a perfect opportunity for him to do that - and for her to come see me.

    The moment we met face to face is definitely a moment that is frozen in time in my memory. It was just amazing. She lept thru my front door and held onto me tight for 5 minutes or more without letting go. Eventually I got her to pull back and we kissed... I then felt the overwhelming urge to tell her that I loved her, and I did, and she told me the same. That week with her was the happiest I had been in a long, long time......

    She missed her son terribly and left one day while I was at work. She was talked into doing that by her ... husband, and the entire trip back she told me she was crying and was thinking she was making the wrong decision with leaving me. I told her I understood, and I did. She needed to be with her son, and her son needed her just as much. I am a parent, first and foremost and I understand this.

    So, for three months, we only talked every now and then... but it was really as much as possible. She told me all the time that she regretted leaving but I constantly told her that it was okay and it was what was best for her and her son. I came up with the idea of moving since I have full custody of my kids and I can take them anywhere and that way we could be together and she could be near her son, etc. etc.

    So after discovering I had access to more than enough money to make it happen, I moved. It took over $2,000 to secure the apartment because they wanted the deposit and three months of rent since I was out of state and did not have a job here yet. The U-Haul cost $850 and who knows how much money I spent on gas..?! lol Then there were other trips involved because I had a court date with my ex-wife not paying child support, plus we were going to Ozzfest up here in Indiana the very next day... so there was more fuel for these back and forth trips and also lots of hotels during all of this. I spent thousands of dollars making the move happen......

    Being with her in August and September was THE happiest I have ever been in my whole entire life. Everything was perfect. The way she looked at me filled me with the greatest joy I have ever known. We were always together, always holding hands, ..everything was just as great as it could be. My kids got started in school up here in Indiana and we set out looking for jobs..... that didn't go so well. She never found one and it took me until October 10th to find one.

    There was a court date on August 31st because Dave, (her husband), had filed for divorce AND full custody of their son. She was freaked out thinking he'd somehow manage to take him from her. She didn't believe me when I told her that wouldn't happen, though. I gave her $500 for her lawyer's retainer fee and on the day of the court appearance, everything went just as I told her it would. He works four days on, four days off.. and they had it worked out that he got their son on his days off and she got him on the days he worked. It had been like that for 3 1/2 weeks before the court date and I knew it wouldn't change, ..and it didn't. We were dropping off and picking up her son at her parents' house and everything was going smoothly in regards to that.

    Anyway, she started to seem distant to me at some point in September and I confronted her about it many times. What came out of these conversations with her was that she was feeling guilty about ending things the way she did with Dave and that she missed the good times with him that they had had. She missed her friend, most of all. I related to this and told her that that was the worst part about things ending and going sour the way they did with my ex-wife. She was, back then, my best friend and that's what really hurt the most.

    Well, she went behind my back and saw him at work on one of his breaks and kept it from me... I'm still unsure how I feel about that. But, whatever. What eventually came to light was that she felt the need in her heart to give her family a "real honest effort" but she did not want to hurt me. She was completely torn inside and felt like a "piece of (crap)" for doing this to me...

    Well, here's my blog post from around this time-frame:

    October 26, 2007 - Friday

    At the crossroads again, nothing bright ahead of me in any direction...
    Current mood: depressed
    Category: Life

    All I have ever tried to do is show her how much I love her. My love for her began long before we ever met face to face......

    I saw a beautiful, amazing woman who did not even realize how awesome she really was. She was stuck at a very bad place in her life and I could see she needed a friend. On top of wanting to befriend her, or rather - as the friendship between the two of us grew, I began to feel all kinds of emotions and feelings for her.. all the time. I thought of nothing and no one else. Only her. I wished so very badly that she could be happier and treated better and I told her she deserved to be both. Yes, I wanted her and wished that we could be together.. however, I only mentioned that perhaps at some point way down the road we could meet some day. Of course I meant eventually... after things ended with her husband because it seemed that that was what she wanted. Miraculously, she developed feelings for me and soon shocked me with driving 8-9 hours straight to come and see me.

    Me. A rejected and dejected full-time single father of two tremendously great kids. Someone who hadn't felt any real feelings for someone in so long, he could only stand back and be amazed by what he was feeling. I never asked her to leave her husband for me. I never asked her to make that trip to come and see me in Tennessee... but once she was there, and in my arms.... I swear that moment will always remain frozen in time, in my memory. It was such a rush of emotion all at once. Everything about holding her felt so very right to me, and it always has.

    Now, after coming so far, she wants to ignore me... It feels as though she wants to try and erase me from her life entirely. I don't understand how this can even really be happening...

    I understand that she feels this need deep within to really give the father of her child a real second chance. I understand that she wants what's best for her son. Above anything, I am a father. I am a parent. First and foremost. I love my children more than anything in this world and I have always tried my best to be and do my best for them. The one thing I would never do, though, is ever attempt any reconciliation with their biological mother. It is just not an option for me. Not when you suspect that every word uttered from her lips is a lie. Not after all the misery she put me, and our children, through. I guess this is why I can't grasp this idea..... I know that any attempt at a relationship with my ex-wife would end up in failure, because she doesn't understand how to give and receive love. She only knows deception. She has always been too busy to pretend she's so lost and confused and in her own personal hell every day that somewhere along the way she forgot to GROW UP and realize that, "Hey. Sometimes life sucks. You deal with it and move on, you don't screw people over that you supposedly love." I detest my ex-wife, just as I thought Christel detested her husband. I saw all kinds of wonderful opportunities for a future with Christel and all of our kids, so - of course - I acted upon it.

    I have loved all the time I have shared with her. Being with her is THE happiest I have ever been in my whole *ENTIRE* life. Heck, even those three months we were apart.. we talked so much and I could just always tell that her love for me was very real. That's why I moved here. I didn't have a doubt in my mind about how I felt about her, and she assured me on a daily basis about her feelings for me and wanted so very badly for us to be together.... I left my family and everyone I know in Tennessee and moved here to Indiana where the only other person I know lives over an hour away and I rarely get to talk to him. I spent over $7,000.00 on the move -- the truck and the gas for the trips back and forth and rent and desposits and everything... I can't help but think how that money could've been used otherwise now, because now ...now I am left with nothing. No reason to be here. No money. No one nearby that I can call a friend.

    The woman I have devoted my whole entire life to... who loves me more than I have ever been loved before... (I can still see that love she holds for me deep within those beautiful eyes, too) ...even though she has referred to me as her soul-mate--as I have referred to her as well--she feels the need to go back to someone who continuously manipulated her for his own happiness.. pushing her to unspeakable extremes for his own pleasure. I will never understand why those who mistreat women always seem to get them to stick around. Yet, here I am... I only know how to show my love by putting the woman I love above all of my own wants, needs and desires... and now, for the second time in my life, it leaves me with absolutely nothing.

    Nothing but memories to hold on to... Memories that have brought me great joy will slowly began to eat and tear away at my heart. It is painful to face a day without the person you love, without any communication or interaction with her.. wondering if she's happy, what she's doing, if she ever thinks of you...... I never wanted to be in this place again, ..but here I am.

    Am I mad at her? No.

    Do I hate her? An impossibility for me. You cannot feel hatred and love for the same person at the same time. It would be like forcing the opposite ends of magnets towards each other -- one repels the other away immediately.

    Am I confused? Absolutely.

    Am I lost? Most definitely.

    Am I hurt? Beyond words... but did she plan this from the beginning? NO. I know this to be true regardless of what anyone might think from a different point of view. I have seen the hurt in her eyes when she has looked into mine recently.... She never wanted to hurt me. She thought she was sure of everything, just as I was, but after a while she could not live with the guilt that she was feeling about ending things with her husband the way she did. He put on this act of trying to finally be the husband he should've always been in the first place, and she began to question if all of that was sincere. Now she feels the need to go back and find out if he was/is sincere. She says that she doesn't want to live with any doubts like this, and that I deserve someone who doesn't have such doubts. I can't blame her for this decision, but it doesn't make the hurt I feel inside any less painful............

    Do I still want more than anything for her to be happy? Of course. Her happiness means everything to me.. because I truly do love her with all of my heart.

    Now, where do I go from here? That is the question I desperately need answered... for I do not know.

    I have whole-heartedly believed that she is my soul-mate. Am I wrong? The thought is such an impossibility to me that I can't even wrap my brain around it.

    What if I am? Well, somehow I will force myself to think on this... Let's see, I explained my feelings for Christel to my Dad once. I told him, "Remember how in love I was before with Heather? Before everything soured, before all the pain she brought me... when there were some really, really good times for us both. When everything was actually wonderful between us.... Well, as I dated over the past few years, I always compared how things were feeling to those feelings back then...... but now, those feelings back then do not even come anywhere close to how I feel about Christel now." He seemed to understand how much I loved her when I told him that. What comes to my mind at this moment is the only conclusion possible: Could it be that someone out there could stir up such emotion inside of me that nothing before, including my feelings for Christel, could compare to it?
    Again I have to say: The thought is such an impossibility to me that I can't even wrap my brain around it.


    I am severely depressed.

    All I know is somehow, I must press on... I must endure... My children need me......

    I need my soul-mate. I need that person close to me. The one that everything feels absolutely perfect with. The one and only that you honestly love everything about them. The one that just GETS you. The one that loves you for YOU, not for the person they want to try to shape and mold you into. The one that accepts my children and loves them as her own. I was so certain I had found her.... and the craziest part?

    I still am.

    Understand the confusion and pain I feel now? =(



    She left on the morning of October 30th after I took the kids to the childcare place and went to work. When I got home that day, I found a note for me on the bed.. there was a few online for me from her, too.... and the one from the day before.......... All of this, I put into another blog post that afternoon.

    Here is that blog:

    October 30, 2007 - Tuesday

    She said:
    Current mood: depressed

    I hope Christel doesn't mind me sharing these things... but I really want to post this. My profile on Myspace is private and only friends can read my blogs... so, yeah.

    She wrote me a letter yesterday...



    I read it while her head was resting on my lap. I broke down and cried and she just held onto me. I typed it out today:

    "Dear Kenney -
    You are my soulmate. I believe it with every fiber of my being. I have always known it to be true. I swear I loved you the first time we had a conversation through messages on Myspace.
    I really have no understanding of why I still have this need to try to make it work with Dave. I had never believed in soulmates before you. I had never experienced such unconditional love my entire life. I know I will never feel the way I feel with you with anyone else or without you.
    You have taught me what real love is... how people who really love each other should treat each other. You have been trying to tell and show me that the person I have always thought was 'not normal' is only that to people who are seriously messed up themselves.
    I have cried so much today. I cried checking my Myspace this morning, reading your message, knowing that I will have to take you off my friends list... knowing I won't be able to hear from you every single day.
    Knowing how I feel, how sad, confused, scared, depressed I am... I cannot even imagine how you must be feeling. I can only say how sorry I am over and over again. I will never regret us getting together, but I cannot help it to the point you would not have gotten hurt if if wasn't for me. I am very sorry for hurting you. It was never my intent for this to happen. I hate that I have to be the reason for you being down... I love you so much.
    I really have no clue how this is all going to happen. I will not be pressured into anything by anyone. I have to be a big girl, no one can make my decisions for me. I cannot even think about how to handle an entire 24 hours without talking to you, holding you... I could barely even write that just now, not to mention a week... a month...
    I know neither of us wants to not talk or see each other ever again... even Dave realizes we will have to speak to each other about mail, cell bill, etc. I just don't know how I can handle a conversation without my heart just breaking.
    I have no idea if this letter even makes any sense. Good God, if you can read my handwriting, kudos to you! Tears and penmanship don't really mix well.
    You are my soulmate. Whether or not all soulmates are meant to be together for the short while we have been blessed with sharing, or a lifetime... I guess we will have to see.
    I will always remember the love you have showed me. The real love... not the fake love I have seen. I know you say you will always be here for me and that means so much. The fear I had of telling you my feelings about what I felt I needed to do... I was so scared you would be so hurt you would never want to speak to me again... and all you did was hold me and tell me over and over again and tell me how much you love me. THAT IS LOVE!
    I have always and will always love you. Please know that. Please remember how much we love each other. You just want me to be happy and I want the same for you.
    Love Always,
    Christel"

    Last night, looking deep into my eyes.. she told me this:
    "I don't know how I'm going to make it without you... even if it's only temporary."
    ...yeah, that meant THE WORLD to me. It really shook me when she said that.

    In a message today, she said:
    "Last night, and every other minute I have spent with you was wonderful."

    In another message today, she told me so many things that meant so much to me... it brought me to tears. I was literally on the floor of the bedroom crying my eyes out. This is that message:

    "You are:

    my soulmate

    the love of my life

    the only person that can make me laugh when I am crying my eyes out

    the one who wipes the tears away

    the one who understands me just the way I am

    a totally ****ing AMAZING kisser.... etc. etc ;-)

    the one who taught me it is okay to be me, just the way I am, no changes if even minor necessary

    the absolute best friend any person could ever ask for

    an amazing father to your two amazing children

    <3<3<3

    I love:

    you

    the way you look at me

    the way you just get me, and you know how I feel all the time, I do not even have to say a word. you always know something is bothering me

    kissing you

    hugging you

    making love to you

    just sitting on the couch being close to you watching Grey's pigging out on Oreos

    the way you make me feel like the only girl in the world

    the way you make me feel ALL the time

    <3<3<3<3

    ---------------------

    Gosh I could keep going on this, but Bubby just woke up and guess what? He says he feels sick to his stomach. Argh, I hate fall and winter time..

    "I know I loved you then.
    I know I'd love you now.
    I know I'll love you then.
    I know I love you now."

    Eclipsed - Evans Blue you should download it....

    I love you Kenney <3"


    Here are those lyrics:"Eclipsed" by Evans Blue

    We love our tragedies.
    We're both broken in our own little ways
    We're broken, but we fit together just right
    You know I saw the black inside your eyes
    I saw they were eclipsed by mine and they looked just right.

    [Chorus:]
    When our lights meet, will you know me then
    And will you want to know it?
    It feels like I've known you for so long.
    When our lights meet, will you love me then
    and will you ever know it?
    It seems like you've known me for so long.

    I love your analogies.
    We're both crazy in our own little ways
    We talk about the future and our past lives.
    I know I loved you then.
    I know I'd love you now.
    I know I'll love you then.
    I know I love you now.

    [Chorus]

    But you can't have everything you want when you want it.
    I will be everything you want, when you want it.

    Wait for me. Trust for me.
    Fall for me. Even when you don't know you're falling for me.
    Will you fall for it? If it should, it'll come around again.
    But don't wait for me. And don't trust in me. Don't fall me.
    Even when you know you're falling for me.

    [Chorus]

    When our hearts meet, will we make it then.
    Will we even notice that they are eclipsed?

    Another message she sent me today, she closed with this:
    "Love you always and forever,
    Christel"

    I walked into the bedroom when I got home from work and found this:


    Inside, she wrote:




    Christel IS my soulmate. I love her with all that I am.

    I miss her so much the pain is unbearable.......



    SO... Now, if everyone has read this INSANELY long post here........ surely everyone can understand how lost, hurt and confused I have been recently and why my online search for a place just like this website brought me here in the first place.

    To make things worse, she has been VERY cold to me now because Dave is reading all of her messages.... well, now she's not speaking to me at all except for wanting back her car keys that I had on my keys and also two air-conditioner units we had to get for this apartment when we moved in. (They were purchased on a store credit card that she got in her name for $250 each. I would REALLY like everyone's opinion on this because shouldn't she look at everything here and everything I did to make this move happen.. but especially the non-refundable $500 lawyer retainer fee that I gave her and shouldn't she look at that as an even swap??? $500 <---> $500 ?????)

    But, of course, the worst part is that my kids were looking to her as a mother figure in their lives... and even though this is insanely hard on me, I know it's hard on them as well and it tears me up inside because everything she ever told me before the move led me to believe that she was 100% sure about her and I being together, ...otherwise - I wouldn't be here.


  2. #2
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    I am speechless and in tears. You may not realize it right now but your heart will heal and you will find someone else. There will always be some pain from this experience. I am not sure I believe in soul mates per se but I do believe that there is more than one person for each of us. And I believe that our love is stronger the next time around. Part of the growing and learning process from the pain. The best would be to find that one person the first time but that doesn't always happen obviously. I never shared with you why I am here and if I decide to tell you it will be in a PM. I really cared for someone and then a tragedy hit him and it destroyed everything. I posted this when I started. Go here if you would like to see his website.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

  3. #3
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    I felt heartbroken when reading your post, Zil! In the short time you've been here, you're family, and we hurt together! I just don't know what to say; what is there to say to help with this grief but go right through it. Concentrating on your children will be a great help, they need you so much! They are confused as well thinking of Christel as a Mother figure...

    Oh God, I wish there was something I could say to make it better for you! Have you made any friends where you are living now? Maybe going out with them will get your mind of her at least temporarily! Thinking about the situation will keep you stuck, are there any distractions besides your wonderful children that you can do? Even baby steps at this point will help, even a few moments a day of peacefulness in your Soul can help...that will give you hope for better days ahead.

    You strike me as a VERY, VERY caring person who has a huge heart and lots to give someone! Look at the positives in you life right now and seek more...it will happen! Good things happen to Good People, I truly, truly believe that!

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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    I forgot to add that I think as far as the money thing, you and she are even. Remind her of the lawyer fee. Maybe she conveniently forgot that little fact. Aside from her keys, I don't think you owe her anything more.

    Keep taking the baby steps Luba mentioned and post here as often as you like when you are feeling the need to talk. We have all been through something and I have found this place has saved my sanity. I love all the people here and consider them family.

    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    I forgot to mention, the part that I really don't understand is that she doesn't want Dave to know how she truly feels about me. How can you give it a "fair, honest effort" (her words) if you're not 100% honest with the other person?

    This was her, talking to me on an instant messenger on November 5th. Dave called and left me a voice message that morning on my answering machine...

    "I never said we were a mistake.. Dave makes what he wants out of how I respond to his ****ing questions. Do I want him to know how much I love you? No.. because well.. he will not give me another chance.."

    Seems to me she's not being fair to anyone in this situation, but most importantly she's not being fair/honest with herself.



    -EDIT-
    ...which is why my headline on myspace now says: "You can tell the same lie a thousand times, but it never gets anymore true."
    Last edited by Zil; 11-17-2007 at 11:56 AM. Reason: Added to post.

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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    Why does she want to give him another chance? She doesn't sound like she cares about him too much to begin with. Sounds more like she is afraid of her future if she leaves him. Maybe he has threatened to take their son from her and she doesn't think she can win. Maybe she isn't being as honest with you as you think. I don't know but maybe you should stop all communication with her and move on. I am sure any contact you have opens up already sore wounds. Give yourself a chance to heal. She needs to fix herself, you can't do that for her.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

  7. #7
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    Dude....wow. I'm sorry to hear that man and I really, really hope it ends up working out for you both. I don't even know what to say aside from that as I am just speechless.

  8. #8
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    Well... I haven't had any communication with her for many days now. I haven't responded to her wanting her car keys and the air conditioners. I am the one who is ignoring her now.

    I have been trying to make a few friends and meeting some people here but so far, it just hasn't been going too well. I don't really know anyone here and that doesn't help at all... The good thing is, I do have some really good friends out there who I talk to just about every day. They're all scattered across the country now but we talk on the phone, via txts or messages online on a daily basis pretty much. They're really doing all they can from where they are to help me through this rough time......

    I know I need time to heal. I know it won't be easy. Things actually got even worse for me in the last few days because it appears as though I will be forced out of my job within the next week or so. They are closing down some jobs and people with more seniority can just take mine if they so desire, and they do. lol It is apparantly leaving me with the only option of taking a position on 2nd or 3rd shift and I just cannot work those shifts due to it just being myself and my kids. If/when this happens, it will definitely make matters worse.

    The good part to that is that maybe it's a sign that I should return home to Tennessee. However unusual it may be, my ex-sister-in-law and her fiance are willing to help us out and I feel very, VERY fortunate to have them offering such assistance. They have a new house and were wanting to rent out the upstairs area and they are offering it to myself and my children. They're even offering to help however they can to make the move happen, too. If I lose my job, they are pretty much the answer and the only option I have. It would be great to be only 2 hours away from my parents and my sisters and it would be nice to be there, with them and other "ex-in-laws" because they truly still are very much a family to me. (My ex-wife has had nothing to do with them for years and I have always tried to make sure they get to see my kids as much as possible). They live very close to my childrens' grandmother, too, and my long-time best friend lives about 30 minutes away as well. It may very well be the best thing for us all...

    What can I say? Life must go on, and friends and family help us to endure.

    Again, I thank everyone here for the extended family I have gained when the search engine brought me your way.

  9. #9
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    I think that sounds like the best plan. It sucks to not be close to family. Mine are scattered all over the US and I don't get to see them as much as I would like. Never had their help when my kids were little but made some really good friends here and you are correct when you say friends and family help us to endure. Good luck Zil. Hang in there. Things will get better.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

  10. #10
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    Zil, maybe moving back to Tennessee is your answer; sounds like your ex-sister-in-law is really willing to help you and your children through this rough time! I always believe/believed things happen for a reason and you will know what that is at a later time. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your ex-es family and you and the children will totally benefit from having family around, as they will benefit, too!

    It may be an incredibly difficult time for you right now, but there is that positive help factor! Just remember good things about yourself; like being close to your ex-es family so they could see your children, your kindness towards people, what a great, loving father you are, and most of all, your strength. You WILL get through this, sometimes it takes just moment by moment, instead of feeling total anxiety looking at the big picture! KNOW you WILL survive moment to moment, hour to hour, day by day!

    Good fortune to you and we are here to help with enthusiasm, caring, and just being here for you!

  11. #11
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    Thats quite a story Zil... Only thing I can say is that going back to my (geographical) roots helped me a lot when I was in a somewhat similar situation in the past. I had a lot support of my family after returning (and met the woman I'm still with today).
    I hope things will work out for you whatever decisions you make, going back home sure sounds like a good option the way you wrote things...

  12. #12
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    Well it certainly appears as if a move back home to Tennessee is fast approaching...

    I was laid off Thursday.

    I don't have rent money for December.

    I'm listing some large items online for sale locally and am hoping for the best.


  13. #13
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    I am so sorry to hear that Zil. Wish I knew someone in that area I could hook you up with temporarily. Hang in there.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

  14. #14
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    If i were you id up and move as soon as possible, the quicker you leave all that behind and move on the better for both you and your children, With your family around to support you im sure you'll find your feet in no time and settle down again.

    It will also help dissolve the contact between you and your ex, the distance will give you time to clear your head and start over, and may even make her come to her sense.

    Sorry to hear about the job loss, good luck x

  15. #15
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    Well, we're home!

    Back in Tennessee where myself and my kids belong. It feels great to be here but I sure am worn out from the move. Back's bothering me and prevents me from sleeping as well and as much as I'd like and with all the dust getting stirred up with the move, my sinuses went crazy and have been bothering me a lot and this has ended up with a pretty bad headache this morning. Sure hope those meds I just took will kick in soon...

    There's a ton of boxes still to go thru but I know it'll take some time. Priority #1 today is getting my kids registered for school here so they can start back as soon as Christmas vacation is over.
    Second, I need to get some time away and get something for my daughter for Christmas. Totally clueless what to get for her because she hasn't mentioned anything. I found a letter for Santa that my son wrote recently, it said: "Dear Santa, could I have a Xbox 360, Halo 3, a CD player, a Gamecube and a sell phone for Christmas? Love, Deric." LOL! ....well, we talked about the CELL phone and I told him when he was 16, had a job, and could pay for one himself - then he could have one. (Besides, he is 8 1/2!!!). I pointed at the stereo hooked up to his tv in his room and told him it played CDs. (Funny, he doesn't own any CDs either...) Not to mention the PlayStation plays them, too. Back when we had this conversation a few days ago, I told him Santa probably wouldn't have the money for an Xbox360 -- and I mentioned something like, "Ya know.. Santa's elves just make toys, they can't make complicated electronics like video game systems." He said, "I know." lol
    WELL... I've been wanting an Xbox360 Elite (with the 120gb HDD) for a while now. The 20gb HDD just doesn't cut it when 15-17gb is eaten up by FFXI. SO, I'll get me one in late February when I get my tax refund and I packaged up my Xbox360 in the original box just like new. (I know, I'm a pack-rat. lol I keep stuff like that.) I also bought Halo 3 the other day so he'll be getting the 2 things he has wanted for months and months now for Christmas.

    We're having some family over Friday night here and we're going to be decorating the Christmas tree and putting up some other things around the place... should be nice. Then on Saturday my kids and I are going just down the road a bit to my uncle's house for a family gathering there for my Dad's side of the family. Then on Sunday my kids and I will drive the 2 hours to Crossville to spend the day there with my parents and my sisters - both for Christmas but also for my sisters' birthday which is the 30th of December.

    Busy, busy, busy. It's good to be home.

  16. #16
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    Zil, I have 3 daughters how old is yurs I might be able to give you an idea or 2

  17. #17
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    So glad you got there safe and seem to be doing so much better mentally and emotionally. Have a great Christmas with your family.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

  18. #18
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    well done you zil your a inspiration to us all

  19. #19
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    ...thankee. hehe

    My daughter's just turned 7 and I know she loves all the Disney princess-type movies... hoping I can work with that. heh

  20. #20
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    well my lil one really likes Bratz... those always make a good gift

    the Bratz heads that you can put make-up on are good as well (you know the ones, its like a doll from the torso up, has arms n stuff hehe)

    Littlest Pet Shop - almost anything from this line. My daughter likes the digital pets, they are key chain looking things and you can feed em n play with em n such.

    Webkinz - basically you get a stuffed animal (whichever you pick) and yur daughter can go online and play with the pet and do all kinds of nifty stuff. Its a great online adventure and yur daughter can talk to other friends that might have a webkinz, I really like the talk feature because the kids arent allowed to type in whatever they want, they can only pick from a list of things to say.

    So far any of these are are relatively inexpensive, the most expensive one of the group is prolly the bratz head, those can go for as much as $30, i got one fer my kid on sale though. The webkinz are cheap, like $15, little pet shop varies from $5 to $15.

    If yur looking for a nifty (sorta) higher priced gift, go with a Gameboy Advance, the newer GBA has a backlit screen, my 8 yr old niece has one and she loves it.

  21. #21
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    I appreciate the ideas, IR. Haven't heard of the pet shop thing or the webkinz either.. I'll check them out.
    Both of my kids have the GBAs with the backlit screens - they definitely made the trips to and from Indiana go much better. heheh
    As for the Bratz thing - I will never allow my daughter to have anything associated with those. My personal feeling about those dolls, etc. is that someone went out and took pictures of the s|uttiest looking women they could find and then decided to make toys for little girls based on their pictures. I personally feel that all Bratz toys should be banned. Just my opinion.

  22. #22
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    Glad you are back home and happy, Zil! Have A Wonderful Christmas week!

  23. #23
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    webkinz isnt available everywhere yet, but its fun, my sister has a bunch of them.


  24. #24
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    BTW Zil, I'm glad to hear that you are where you want to be. Perfect for letting yourself heal properly. I wish the absolute best for you and yours in the following months and hope everything gets back to normal for you all quickly.

    P.S. every kid likes an MP3 player...I also got a doll-house for my lil one, we are going to assemble it together - if yur's likes to draw, one of them art kits with a bunch of different types of drawing instruments (chalks, oil pencils, normal colored pencils, paint, and others) could help spark some creativity in her

  25. #25
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    Re: ...The Rest Of The Story (VERY Long Post)

    What a GREAT idea about the Art, IR! Going through a difficult childhood and being poor at the same time, my only solace was (would you believe this) drawing and colouring in an old Sears catalogue (didn't even have clean paper to draw in)! My love for Art grew and I just LOVE to draw, sketch, cartoon, oil paint and water colour!

    Thanks, IR, I can now hardly wait to retire to do more of these!

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