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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    14

    This chain maille is heavy

    I was brought up in a home where the message was never "you don't need a man to be happy." My grandmother's motto was that you need to be able to make your own money and take care of yourself, never depend on a man. That's smart, yes, I agree with that. My mom and dad were divorced when I was 12 and she spend a year single before dating my step-father. She always said not to settle, and you can't change a man so don't be with a guy thinking he will be any different down the road.

    This is all very good advice, and they are standards that shape how I view dating, but you would think that after all that I would be happy just being single. But I'm not. In the next couple of years I will be moving around and for me it really would be better if I were single so I could do what I want and not what somebody else wants. But the idea of being alone through that time scares me. Somewhere in my head a part of me can't be happy if I'm not seeing someone. I think I get lonely too easily. Life doesn't seem as bright without a man stirring up my insides. I know that isn't what we independent women should think, but I am trying to be happy just being single for a while but it seems like I can't. The last two break ups I've had were hard on me. One was a long term boyfriend that finally drove me to hate him for how he treated me even though I loved him, and the last was a relationship that started out with a lot of hopes but then crumbled so fast my head is still spinning. I'm tired of being disappointed. Every time I really go after something I want these days it blows up in my face.

    I'm aproching a lonely time in my life where my close friends are going to be leaving college yet I still have another semester. I live by myself and I recently tried to work out living with a new friend but I don't know if it's going to happen. More disapointment. Like I said, I'm freakin tired of it. I'm getting fortune cookies with no fortunes too.

    Anyway, I guess I'm just looking to see if anyone else struggles with this and how I can keep from feeling like this. I want to be happy being single. I want to feel the strength to go out and get what I want. I want to be an emotionally independent person, but I don't know how to put the armor on.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Somewhere over the rainbow!
    Posts
    26,558

    Re: This chain maille is heavy

    Reanna, I've read your post, thought about some advice...read the post again, and maybe for now the answer is just going out and making new girlfriends and hanging out with them. Gaining strength within yourself, finding your own path, not settling for a man that doesn't treat you like you deserve to be treated. Finding things you like to do on your own, too, when gf's are unavailable. Reading, going for a coffee, walking in Nature, watching movies, visiting relatives, volunteering, learning a new hobby or pursuing one that you've always wanted to do. Those all can be fulfilling in themselves. It's better to find things that fulfill you because no one else can really do it for us.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    whos getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    southeast Pennsylvania
    Posts
    97

    Re: This chain maille is heavy

    My advice is to not force yourself to be single any more than you should force yourself to be part of a couple. Don't look at being in a relationship as a weakness. Humans are social beings. That's why we like to have friends, and why most people eventually get married. But it's not a good idea to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one, either. From personal experience, I can tell you that being in a bad marriage is horrible, and being in a good one is wonderful. I know it's so hard to be patient and wait for the right person, though. It's also hard when you're young to realize how much things change, and how short a few years really is. I know many young people think their time to find someone is running out. When I found out I was getting divorced in my late 30s, I thought I'd be alone forever - no one "that old" ever finds anyone! Well, I was wrong. I found the love of my life when I was almost 40!

    I agree that everyone, male and female, should prepare to take care of himself or herself. You quoted lots of good advice. Just do your best to enjoy your time with friends (new and old), and make sure to find a good person to give your heart to. It will happen. I honestly believe there's someone for everyone who wants someone, but if we rush it, we'll end up with the wrong person. Some people are happier than others being alone. It's ok to be one who is happier with someone (like I am), as long as you figure out a way to be happy with yourself. Don't think you HAVE TO have a romantic relationship, know that maybe you'd just prefer to have one. It's worth it to wait for the right one.

    Best wishes!
    Newstart

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