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  1. #1
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    Jun 2008
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    southeast Pennsylvania
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    Angry b####fest to blow off steam

    I thought it might be helpful to some to post their horror stories about the awful and/or stupid behavior of our exes. It might not accomplish much other than letting us feel a little better.

    I can start with my most recent story.

    On Friday, my 9 year old son passed out in school and hit his head. The school called me after they called an ambulance. I told them to call his dad too. We were there in the emergency room for several hours, and several tests. The children were already scheduled to be with their dad this past weekend, so I asked my ex to call me if there were any problems. I also left him several messages (email and voice mail - he wouldn't answer my calls) over the weekend, asking him to call me so I could talk to my son. All I got from him was a curt email early Saturday morning saying that our son was ok. That was it the entire weekend.

    At least my son is ok, but I thought it was completely unfair of my ex to cut me off from my son all weekend after a head injury that required a trip to the ER.

  2. #2
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    Mar 2005
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    Re: b####fest to blow off steam

    That is appalling.

    I cannot imagine, despite the differences one may have with an ex, to refuse to divulge information on your children's health in such cases. Children are too important for that.

    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    southeast Pennsylvania
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    Re: b####fest to blow off steam

    My lawyer was stunned too. Well, again, the ex's moronic behavior will only help me in court. The thing is, it's not worth it since the price is my children's happiness. I did tell my son when I picked him up that I tried to reach him over the weekend, and that I was happy he was ok. I didn't want him to think I don't care about him. It's a thin line - letting him know that I care without letting him see what an ### he has for a father. The sad thing is, I think he kind of knows. My ex isn't very affectionate or anything, and my son is kind of clingy. My ex actually told me once while we were married that he purposely treats his employees like children and his children like employees.


    My husband and I try to make up for what the kids are missing elsewhere (not hard - we're both cuddlers, and love the kids so much). My younger two adore their stepfather, which makes me happy. They all also seem to like their stepmother, which is a relief.

    Children need both of their parents. I firmly believe that in most cases (except when one is dangerous/abusive/whatever). The thing is, I'm not trying to take them away from their father - he's trying to take them away from me, for no good reason. My lawyer is sure he doesn't have a chance - but he's making things miserable (and expensive) anyway.

    Oh well.
    newstart

  4. #4
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    Jun 2008
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    southeast Pennsylvania
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    Re: b####fest to blow off steam

    Oh, another 'wonderful' thing the ex pulled recently. I had plans for a party at my house a few weeks ago because my sister had a baby, and a bunch of out of town relatives were all coming in at the same time to see the baby. It just so happened it was the same day as my husband's birthday, so I figured everything would be great - a fun party, the kids could see relatives they don't see often, and would also get to see their new baby cousin. I checked with the ex weeks ahead of then, since it was his weekend, and asked if I could have the children for maybe 2 hours so they could see everyone. I would've made it a different weekend, but everyone else had already made their plans (and there were more than a dozen people involved - I couldn't expect them ALL to change their plans). He said that wouldn't be a problem. The night before, he changed his mind, and wouldn't let them come after all. He said they had important plans that couldn't be changed. Turns out they didn't do much of anything, just went out to the movies and stuff like that (things that can be done any time).

    Petty, childish behavior. Hurtful to the kids, spiteful to me. Helpful for the custody battle (that the ex initiated, by the way - not me), but still unfair to the kids.

  5. #5
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    Jun 2005
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    Somewhere over the rainbow!
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    Re: b####fest to blow off steam

    What's going to end up happening is the man is going to either lose his children eventually or alienate them for his petty behaviour. Children are no fools, even though they don't say much, children always know what is going on.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  6. #6
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    Re: b####fest to blow off steam

    I am just curious, does the new wife of his have kids of her own?

    Talking about poor treatment.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  7. #7
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    Jun 2008
    Location
    southeast Pennsylvania
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    Re: b####fest to blow off steam

    Quote Originally Posted by Luba View Post
    What's going to end up happening is the man is going to either lose his children eventually or alienate them for his petty behaviour. Children are no fools, even though they don't say much, children always know what is going on.
    Well, that's what I'm afraid of - it can't be good for children to feel bad towards a parent...

    newstart

  8. #8
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    Jun 2008
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    Re: b####fest to blow off steam

    Quote Originally Posted by Vautrin View Post
    I am just curious, does the new wife of his have kids of her own?

    Talking about poor treatment.
    No, their stepmother does not have children of her own. I think she's aware that my ex has no interest in having more and got a vasectomy. Why? Do you think that has anything to do with it?

    newstart

  9. #9
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    Jun 2008
    Location
    southeast Pennsylvania
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    Re: b####fest to blow off steam

    Will it ever end?

    My son told me today that he doesn't want to go to his dad's tomorrow, that he wants to stay with me. I asked him why he's been saying that so much recently (he did at first, then seemed ok with going for a while, but now it's happening again). He just said that he missed me. I mentioned that he'd be back soon, he said he would rather just stay, and I reminded him that he can call me if he really misses me that much. Then he said that his dad won't let him call me when he asks, and that he asks him "all of the time" to call me. He said he doesn't know why, but thinks it's because "daddy doesn't like you anymore, and just doesn't want me to call".

    Ok, not only is that childish, petty, annoying, unfair, harmful to our son, etc... even if he's only caring about himself, doesn't my ex realize that what he's doing will only work against him in the long run?

    I don't understand.

    newstart

  10. #10
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    Re: b####fest to blow off steam

    I wondered about her having children, because your children get such an appalling treatment. If she had children, and for one reason or the other he gave them preferential treatment (which considering his behavior would almost be the logical thing to assume), then that further adds to the issues and confusion of your children.

    I don't know, but quite a few States will let the children have a limited say on custody, is not it? The more you tell about this ex of yours, the more I think the children would be better off with a restraining order against their father.
    The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

    Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

    The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno

  11. #11
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    Sep 2009
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    San Jose, Ca.
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    31

    Re: b####fest to blow off steam

    Newstart,
    My wife and her ex were just like that. Sad part is that the kids end up being the ones hurt. The kids and dad parted ways about 2 to 3 years ago, because he was a deadbeat Dad. Did not work for 15 years and still to this day.
    My wife would say call me to the kids, when they went to thier dads all the time and they never would. Why? Because both parents made an excuse or made sure they were busy enough that they would forget.
    I am not blaming you or him, but it does sound a lot like what I went through.
    So a little advice, if you have money take him to court. Courts out here in California SUCK !!! Get custody and write any BS down so when you go to court you have a log.
    The other thing is dont try and one up the other parent, kids will eventuly feed into that and start taking advantage of it. Be the best parent you can and make spending time with them your time and not about what dad does or did. Remember they are only young once dont lose it.
    I know it is very hard not to badmouth the bad parent, but dont do it around or at the kids.
    I hope this helps a little bit.

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