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Thread: Another problem

  1. #1
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    Another problem

    Everything seemed to be better these past weeks, but I have another problem I need to deal with. My parents.

    Well at least one of them. My mother is so misunderstood about me, she's always pushing me to do things that often stress me out and cause me more depression, and she never ever is calm and collective about things I need to do during the day. I'm not trying to sound selfish, but I've been trying to make these past weeks go exactly how I wanted them to, within me. I wanted to get my drivers permit, get homework finished up with, get my resumes out for the summer, but as soon as I come home with the attitude to 'get things done' I run into mom. First thing she says is do your homework right now. Read a book. Don't get on that computer. Things that really make me was to leave the house. She knows I have problems with concentrating with homework (I'm getting help in school with it), she knows I can't sit down for more than two seconds let alone read a book, she knows that I go on the computer because it's a way out of the fusteration for me. She knows all of this yet she still harasses me daily about things I need to get done, which I am fully aware of. She just wants it done right when she says do it.

    My mother often gets mad at my dad because he isn't hard on me. She often black mails him, which REALLY pisses me off. I've yelled at her twice for making my dad feel bad, but in all honestly he is the only parent who is helping. She is forceful and misunderstanding. She won't stop to let me say something, always cuts me off, and really gets mad when dad tells me things he only tells me. Like stuff about the financial issues and problems he has with everyday things. (honestly I wish he wouldn't tell me) And as soon as mom hears me say any of it she gets right on dads case yelling at him and making him feel bad. I can't stand that. My dad brings 100% of our income into the house. He puts food on the table. He's been suspected of being depressed, and honestly I can understand why. He comes home to mom yelling at him, to stuff broken, to me not having my homework done, stuff like that.

    I just got home from my friends house. I had planned to pay my brother back with M&Ms from Wal-Mart. Mother phoned my cell phone, telling me shes coming to pick me up and if she leaves without me shes giving away my computer. So hearing that I automatically get stuff together and wait outside. When I got in the van, I asked her to stop by Wal-Mart. She said no right away. I told her what I had planned for the day, saying the last thing I needed to do today is to get my brother that pack of M&Ms. She said things like "It's 9:00" "Jake's gone to bed" "I'm not driving all the way to Wal-Mart". And I was about to take off my seat belt and jump out of the car, I was that mad. She is never easy going, she is never supporting, she always harasses me about everyday things. Seems like she is my enemy in my teenage life. I should be able to come home, and be stress-free. Except home is the biggest stresser of all.

    Besides for this big blowup today, I am fine. I've gotten a bit of work done, and I'm trying my best to schedule homework in between playing games. I have been on the seroquel for a while, and it hasn't reduced the over-analyzing, just made it more prominate so I can tell myself to stop. I didn't know I was doing it before, it just seemed so natural. So now when I over think about anything I stop myself. I have a new friend now, he's 25, a gamer, has his own appartment, a funny guy, nice to be around, and his appartment is very stress free. I've even got homework done a few times which is a big help. He's going through some girlfriend trouble so I am trying to leave him be this week. He's into computers like I am, I've actually fixed one of his computers, lol! He's got a big screen TV, Wii, and a really powerful laptop. He is into world of warcraft like me, and we help eachother with our characters. Really awesome. So I'm over there a couple times a week, and just played video games with him. I met him while I was working at Lawtons before they fired me, he was the janitor there. He was the first person I saw when I came for my first day of work. He's really nice with people, jokes around alot, got me into world of warcraft.

    Enough about him lol.

    I'm trying my best to finish grade 11. Then maybe next year I will move into my friend's appartment, as he just kicked out his recent room mate so the spot is open. I think it would be good for me to get out of the house for a year, work for myself. It would be a nice experience.

    Well it's about bed time and I took my seroquel about 20 minutes ago. So I should be knocked out at any time!

    Mike
    "Just remember, when you are having a bad day that someone else has it even worse than you do"

  2. #2
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    Re: Another problem

    You know Mike, I know somebody who treats their child very similar to the way your mother seems to treat you. No matter how much this child exceeds virtually every expectation, it never seems good enough for her mother.

    One can argue that mother does this to keep the child focused on continual achievement however in doing so there is certainly a wall that's starting to build between the two of them. I'm not sure what the future will bring in their relationships but I can say that to date it has been the reason for growing space between mother and child.

    I think it's one thing to try and keep your child's future in focus but something else entirely when you can't hear your child's voice in the process.

    The one thing I have seen happen in this relationship is the child has been pushed in some instances to her breaking point, dug in and confronted mother. This has helped in some ways but made things more difficult in others.

    Is there any merit in discussing your true feelings with your mother?
    My Daughter Rules!

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  3. #3
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    Re: Another problem

    Quote Originally Posted by Duke View Post
    Is there any merit in discussing your true feelings with your mother?
    I have many times. She usually gets annoyed and tells me to go away. When ever she does listen she gives me stuff like "deal with it" and I'm just used to it by now. I go to other people's houses, and their mothers seem so kind and would do anything for their kid, and I can't say I have that cause my mother just pushes me away.
    "Just remember, when you are having a bad day that someone else has it even worse than you do"

  4. #4
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    Re: Another problem

    Quote Originally Posted by m0pelley99 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Duke View Post
    Is there any merit in discussing your true feelings with your mother?
    I have many times. She usually gets annoyed and tells me to go away. When ever she does listen she gives me stuff like "deal with it" and I'm just used to it by now. I go to other people's houses, and their mothers seem so kind and would do anything for their kid, and I can't say I have that cause my mother just pushes me away.
    Well that's a very sad situation indeed m0, I'm very sorry. I almost wonder if the next time you're doing something she doesn't like if you should tell her to just "deal with it"?

    Give her a taste of her own medicine.
    My Daughter Rules!

    Band of Others: Are you a Gamer looking for a home, look no more bro!

    Ofear.com: Confronting fears, phobias, and panic attacks, in a friendly online community.

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  5. #5
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    Re: Another problem

    Quote Originally Posted by Duke View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by m0pelley99 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Duke View Post
    Is there any merit in discussing your true feelings with your mother?
    I have many times. She usually gets annoyed and tells me to go away. When ever she does listen she gives me stuff like "deal with it" and I'm just used to it by now. I go to other people's houses, and their mothers seem so kind and would do anything for their kid, and I can't say I have that cause my mother just pushes me away.
    Well that's a very sad situation indeed m0, I'm very sorry. I almost wonder if the next time you're doing something she doesn't like if you should tell her to just "deal with it"?

    Give her a taste of her own medicine.
    If I do that she will probably yell at me then dad. I always think the way I am mentally is because of my mother...she is rarely nice to me or my father.
    "Just remember, when you are having a bad day that someone else has it even worse than you do"

  6. #6
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    Re: Another problem

    Sorry m0 but it just sounds as if both you and dad are enabling this behavior to continue. Since your mother is allowed to act the way she does she will continue to do so unless some clear boundaries are outlined and enforced. To not do so means there is no reason for mom to change her attitude as it's become a habit for her.

    Since your father is an alli, why not talk to him about it and ask that both of you confront mom? Of course this means that you also have to continually police mom to make sure she doesn't revert back to her original behavior.
    My Daughter Rules!

    Band of Others: Are you a Gamer looking for a home, look no more bro!

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  7. #7
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    Re: Another problem

    Quote Originally Posted by Duke View Post
    Sorry m0 but it just sounds as if both you and dad are enabling this behavior to continue. Since your mother is allowed to act the way she does she will continue to do so unless some clear boundaries are outlined and enforced. To not do so means there is no reason for mom to change her attitude as it's become a habit for her.

    Since your father is an alli, why not talk to him about it and ask that both of you confront mom? Of course this means that you also have to continually police mom to make sure she doesn't revert back to her original behavior.
    Oh my that seems like a big job... She can easily take on me and my dad both no problem... see I'll give you some details. Mom is a control freak. Before dad got sick in 2001, dad was the parent. He handled all the bills, made everyone do their homework, did the choors (to a point), and when he got sick mom had to take all of that over. She had to do everything in the house. So she's basically got this attitude of 'do it my way or your getting dropped off on the highway' which means there are really bad consequences if we fail to listen to her. So after dad got out of hospital (almost 4 months later) she still resumed control. Somehow dad is a lot weaker now then he was before he went into hospital. He usually gets mad a lot now, (although this past 6 months he hasn't gotten mad yet) and when he gets mad he goes on a rage. He's pinned me up to a wall once or twice, both times I haven't talked to him in weeks. So him not getting mad is probably a sign to mom that he is getting weak, and not able to control us. Instead now mom gets mad all the time. Tension and seriousness is extreme in our house.

    I will try to convince dad to do what you say, to try and sit down somewhere and talk to mom. I highly doubt he's really not going to do that thought -- mom can be really agressive and dad doesn't stick around long when she yells.

    Thanks Duke,
    Mike
    "Just remember, when you are having a bad day that someone else has it even worse than you do"

  8. #8
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    Re: Another problem

    It can be a big job if the person you're doing it with isn't receptive but what's far more difficult is continually bottling up your own thoughts/feelings and being forced to live well outside your comfort margin.

    It's not the confrontation that's so bad it's the fact that your boundaries will have be be continually enforced that gets tiring. Of course this is much better than being walked on so I strongly suggest you at least try it once. If it doesn't work then at least you've made your point clear so your mother can't claim ignorance years down the road as your relationship dissolves.

    This is the one constant that many control freaks don't seem to understand, the more you tighten your grip the more seeps through your fingers. Amazingly enough, most control freaks I've known take little to no responsibility for the fact they've chased everyone away because of their antics. In fact, most of these people never seem to acknowledge the fact they are control freaks in the first place so their plight is everyone's fault but their own.
    My Daughter Rules!

    Band of Others: Are you a Gamer looking for a home, look no more bro!

    Ofear.com: Confronting fears, phobias, and panic attacks, in a friendly online community.

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  9. #9
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    Re: Another problem

    Just another thought, Mike, but has something happened in your Mom's life to make her the way she is? Some serious issue that she has never dealt with that controlled her life and she wasn't able to do anything about it, until her control came about now? Controlling behaviour comes from somewhere in a person's life where one was abused, or had something terrible happen to them. I know I have somewhat of a control issue because I couldn't control the terrible alcoholism, fights, arguments, or distress in my own childhood. Everytime I want to control something, I realize it comes from somewhere in my Past, and I look at it and try to give up to the issue at hand. Maybe your Dad's illness and his backing away now because of his own anger issues puts your Mom thinking she has to handle Everything now! The sad part is that you are in the middle and suffering, like most children do when there is distress in the household. Maybe talking to your Mom and/or Dad will help you see why things are happening the way they are, and you get some Peace out of that. A little Peace does come out of understanding. Somewhere in her life she may not have lived up to her own expectations, and wants you to live up to her dreams. Maybe she doesn't even know that's the case if she hasn't searched within herself. I know a lot of parents want their children to be what they themselves aren't, and therein lies the suffering for the children.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

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