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  1. #1
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    Jul 2009
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    Sex during separation

    My wife and I are separated recently and we were both satisfied with our sex life when we were together. Now that we are separated I don't know if it would be good to have sex? We both are not interested in other people but am I being selfish for still wanting to have sex with her, I just don't know what to do about this? Would sex just not be a good idea because maybe it would prolong us from getting back together and having in the future a better marriage, but then maybe it will tear us further apart? I don't know even if I should ask her about dating each other, since we are both not interested in anybody else or want to be. Maybe at this point it's best not to ask if we want to date, i don't know if it is better to give her the space she needs. Any advice from anyone on this might help me decide to talk to her about it because if I am thinking about this she may also be!

  2. #2
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    Jul 2009
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    Re: Sex during separation

    I am dealing with the same thing. My wife even before she left said that she wanted to make sure that if anything happened between us that she could still have sex with me. Of course I said yes I love her. We separated about three weeks ago and she has been back three times to have sex with me and it all goes good until the next morning when she tells me she knew it was a bad idea because I wanted to show her affection. I am not sure what to do in this case too. Please if anyone has been down this path help.

  3. #3
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    Re: Sex during separation

    If it was just a girlfriend that you weren't serious about then as bad as it sounds, having a sack puppet may be mutually beneficial to both of you because neither of you are really committed IMHO.

    I look at marriage a bit differently however; although I've never been married for me it's a case of all or nothing. If I'm not good enough of a husband to be a husband in your eyes then I'm not a compatible sexual partner either. I view sex with an ex wife or separated partner as having your cake and eating it too. Since marriage is much more of a commitment than dating you either compromise and live with each other in all respects or you split and move on COMPLETELY.

    I think sex only complicates the matter and muddies whatever clarity you may have gained during separation.
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  4. #4
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    Re: Sex during separation

    I am afraid I have to agree with Duke. They probably handle the sex better because they are the ones who have left. You want them back so having sex makes you think things will get back to normal when in the end you end up more hurt than before or at least still hurting and wondering what the hell do I do. If they want the separation, then separate and figure out if it is for good or not. For the childrens sake keep communication going but stop the sex until they are fully committed to you again. It only makes things worse.
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office. (Robert Frost)

  5. #5
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    Jul 2009
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    Re: Sex during separation

    Thanks, of course that's not what I wanted to here but it makes since not to have sex, the problems need to be worked out and having sex would probably prolong any progress. I'm trying to get into the "move on" part of this now and it's tough.

  6. #6
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    Re: Sex during separation

    just use the no sex as motivation to work it out and to help keep your mind off of it find a new hobby or do one you already have more.


  7. #7
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    Re: Sex during separation

    This separation actually brought out things I forgot I liked to do, like writing, reading, and writing stand up comedy jokes which is something I've always wanted to do and might actually try a stage someday. I find it hard to enjoy music and I am a big music lover. Just gonna take it day by day

  8. #8
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    Re: Sex during separation

    Quote Originally Posted by jdstockcar View Post
    Thanks, of course that's not what I wanted to here but it makes since not to have sex, the problems need to be worked out and having sex would probably prolong any progress. I'm trying to get into the "move on" part of this now and it's tough.
    As tough as it is I think having sex during separation only prolongs the agony of the breaking up/moving on stage.
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  9. #9
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    Feb 2010
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    Re: Sex during separation

    could you both have sex with third party?

  10. #10
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    Re: Sex during separation

    lol, thats all you need is to have sex with the same someone your ex is

    Probably safer to play tennis with a ball of c4.
    My Daughter Rules!

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  11. #11
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    Mar 2010
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    7

    Re: Sex during separation

    I have to agree with duke. Recently, I ended a longish relationship, and at first, it was mainly sexual, but as it 'developed,' a definite attachement formed. Although the sex was amazing, when we went our separate ways, we both were still sexually attracted to each other despite knowing that it was a mutually bad idea. We tried it a couple times and it just ended up making me become attached again, exactly what i was trying to avoid. I think if you want things to work out with your wife and you guys to get back together, i think space is the best cure. Let her come to you. Let her initiate anything past sex, and if necessary when she comes over for sex, tell her its not the best idea. Short term, it may be tough, but it could pay out in the long haul. Just MHO

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