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Thread: Ex Dreams

  1. #1
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    Ex Dreams

    Over the past few months I've been having dreams about an ex girlfriend of mine and its starting to concern me a bit because the dreams I'm having show no signs of tapering off, quite the opposite in fact.

    The reason for the concern is these dreams are about an ex that I have literally no feelings for from a positive point of view. While I can't point to anything specific, the dreams themselves are rather uneventful and even boring in nature yet they seem to evoke negative emotion in me none the less. In these dreams we just find ourselves in an everyday average situation but each and ever time, my ex does something that is either selfish in nature, ignorant and sometimes even downright mean.

    I really can't think of a particular event that sparked these dreams in the first place nor can I think of any reason to dream of this ex in the first place. For the most part I feel pretty neutral about this person yet she occupies so much of my dream time, it makes no sense.

    Anyone ever experience dreams of an ex partner such as this?
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  2. #2
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    Yes Duke,

    It's always like watching some home movie. By that I mean boring and average, everyday crap is happening. I left my ex for a reason and yes the same exact thing happens (get out of my mind Duke!) she does something to upset me (then again our entire relationship upset me) and the dream is over.

    I wish I had a great explanation but nothing in particular ever happens to spark these dreams. I wake up feeling confused and unaware, then reality pops back into place.

  3. #3
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    Over the past few months I've been having dreams about an ex girlfriend of mine and its starting to concern me a bit because the dreams I'm having show no signs of tapering off, quite the opposite in fact.
    First of all I would like to ask why the dreams, concern you aside from being about someone you have no feelings for? We have no control over our dreams and there could be a zillion reasons why you are dreaming of her now, such as something you saw or heard that reminded you of her or your relationship in some way. This something may not have even been a conscious memory. Maybe it was a subconscious memory and that in itself could spark a dream. Or maybe there's no reason for dreaming for her at all. Reason need not play a part in what we dream or who we dream about.

    I dream about some of my ex's from time to time. No big deal. They are people who played a part a in my life at one time so the old brain is bound to bring them up in dreams from time to time.
    the dreams themselves are rather uneventful and even boring in nature yet they seem to evoke negative emotion in me none the less
    I find it curious that you say the dreams are uneventful and yet at the same time evoke negative emotions. How about if you tell us about these negatative emotions a bit and maybe we can help you figure out why you're feeling this way.

    I suppose it's possible that your concern about having these dreams could be causing you to continue to have more of them.

  4. #4
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    What's bothering me about these dreams most is frequency and emotion as I stated above. The negative emotion I feel is disappointment in most cases but also generous portions of resentment now and again.

    What has helped however is hearing that some of you dream about an ex now and again as well because I never knew people could. I've had between 25 - 30 ex's lifetime and have yet to EVER dream of one of them (or so that I can remember).

    What's bothering me the most however is dream time is usually a pretty good time for me. My mind is usually left to its own vices and as such gives me some bizarre, terrifying, imaginative, creative and downright exhilarating mental images. Now unfortunately it seems real life or an altered state of real has taken over and I'm not very happy about it especially given the fact it shows no signs of tapering off.

    btw lmao at IR, it sure feels that way sometimes.
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  5. #5
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    Are you talking about that lingering feeling after you wake up? For me it's usually a bit of a jumble. Sometimes good things happen in these dreams and by "good" I mean a shared happy moment that normally occurs between partners. A lot of my relationship was kinda ugly but we did have some happy moments, especially in the beginning.

    So when I wake up from these dreams I am assaulted by a mix of emotions that I could honestly live without. Regret, longing, anger, and acceptance of the way things are, that and more sometimes hits me in the face like a open hand slap.

    These are real feelings and emotions as well so they linger on and rest at the back of my mind for quite a while and often into the next day. The whole experience is completely unwanted. I believe that I spent so much time denying my feelings about her that they are now resurfacing in some way.

    I hate her for what she did and what she continues to do to our children. Why do I still care on some weird level? The answer seems simple enough; love never ends, it just changes.

  6. #6
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    I think it could be a combination of the lingering feeling but also the fact that I'm experiencing this in the first place. I don't mind when things happen that make some level of sense but I'm really at a loss as to why she's ending up in my dreams. There just seems to be no reason for it whatsoever and that thought alone is infuriating to me.
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  7. #7
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    Quote Originally Posted by Duke View Post
    I think it could be a combination of the lingering feeling but also the fact that I'm experiencing this in the first place. I don't mind when things happen that make some level of sense but I'm really at a loss as to why she's ending up in my dreams. There just seems to be no reason for it whatsoever and that thought alone is infuriating to me.
    Is there some unfinished business that you need to take care of with her? Just a thought....
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  8. #8
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    Hi everyone
    here's my two cents: Duke I was so surprised when you said you've hardly dreamt of your ex's. A particular ex of mine is probably the second most common thing I dream about. I do think it's because I have a strong subconscious connection to this person because of the awful manner in which we parted. So in Luba's phrase, I find reason for my dreams - unfinished business.

    I can imagine that this is infuriating like you say. Frustrating. Our subconscious minds are so bizarre and it's a natural mankind mechanism to want to make sense of everything, to rationalise and understand WHY.

    You know what I've always told myself, the more I think about something, the bigger it becomes. It manifests. So an idea is like a seed and once it germinates, it just grows. (Here comes me trying to rationalise) - so perhaps when your dreaming of her FIRST began, it was triggered by something: a smell, a fleeting memory you weren't even aware of, it could be anything. However, now that you've been grappling over this, the more you think about why you're dreaming about her, the more you dream about her.

    Does this make sense?

    This topic intrigues me.

  9. #9
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    I think you are absolutely right, Courtney, in your thinking of something setting the dream of. A sentence I read yesterday brought forth a very vivid and frightening dream last night, something I hadn't thought of or dreamt of in a very long, long time. It's quite shaken me up.

    Duke, it is something to explore about what could have started this dream.

    This IS a good topic, I agree with Courtney.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  10. #10
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    Ah Luba I'm sorry you were so shaken! Is it anything you'd want to chat about?
    (Sorry, don't mean to steer away from Duke's main focus)

    I can remember my dreams mostly in the mornings because I'm half awake then. Even then though they slip away so suddenly like egg whites between your fingers!

  11. #11
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    For whatever reason, the ex dreams have pretty much disappeared entirely. The funny thing is, I'm not sure if its because a perceived situation has changed from somewhere inside my mind or if its simply due to the fact I don't hit the snooze alarm that much anymore?

    Whatever the reason I have to admit that it is a bit of a relief to not be dreaming of my ex anymore.
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  12. #12
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    Good to hear that, Duke! May you have Peaceful and Restful nights now.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


    True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about
    who’s getting the better of the deal.

    Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie's man's only promise

    ~All quotes by Leo Buscaglia


  13. #13
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    Quote Originally Posted by Luba View Post
    Good to hear that, Duke! May you have Peaceful and Restful nights now.
    I don't think that dreaming of my ex is whats been detracting from my restful sleep to be honest.

    I've never slept well which is a problem in itself and also what may have added to my frustration. Its one thing to wake up tired but its another entirely to wake up tired and bitter.
    My Daughter Rules!

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  14. #14
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    Re: Ex Dreams

    Whatcha bitter about Duke?

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